“For what it’s worth, I never observed Kayla acting this way about anyone. I’m glad the guy she chose is you.”
Considering their history, Jim was glad too and he believed she meant it. “Oddly enough, I am too. She’s coming to the services today.”
They shared a small smile. Standing before the new podium, Jim was shuffling through the notes of his sermon and reviewing it while they talked. “She won’t be as discreet as she was last time. The first sermon you delivered after the shooting? I must admit I was more than puzzled to see her here. But I thought maybe she underwent some kind of revelation, although that isn’t her way. You get her, right? How she is?” Kathy tilted her head, giving him a little smile. “She’ll push and pry and test you and all of your most cherished beliefs.”
“I guess so. Does religion cause any issues for you and Eric?”
“Not if we keep it separate. He’s always supportive of anything I do and stands up for me doing it, but I do the same thing for him.”
“Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I can’t date a job. I mean, this is a job. You know how much I care about it. It’s huge to me. But it’s not my whole life. So far, it hasn’t interfered with anything. That’s all I have to go on.”
“How did you get her to stay silent? That is so not her. You can take that as a clear signal of how she feels.”
“She just did as I asked.” Except for coming to the church. “Well, she did mostly everything I asked. She likes to give me an alternative version of whatever I ask. But that also turns out to be what I need most sometimes. Things like sending Rob my way.”
“She always manages to see problems through the factor of intention; she knows the difference between the heart and the way someone acts. That’s why I always talk to her first when I have a problem. She is kind about telling me the truth, but she always gets her point across.”
“She does. And I think I need that kind of stark honesty. Obviously…”
She smiled again with him. “We are usually not honest enough, being too nice and too polite to say what really needs to be said.”
“In my personal life, I have to agree. Ironically, I’m not that way professionally.”
“I spent all my life being like that. But I know what you mean.”
He side-eyed her and looked away. “I swear this won’t matter to me, but how do you think the congregation will react?”
“To the end of you and me and the start of you and my sister? Or me and my bodyguard who took a bullet for you? Oh, I’m sure it’ll be more than titillating. I think we should show a united front, in a friendly way, but refuse to elaborate on the details. It’s a private matter that needs to stay that way. In no way does it affect our working relationship so no one in the congregation can allow it to affect our standing here.”
“I hope so. I’d hate for my personal life to hurt anything here. I’ve always prided myself on not being that kind of person. You and I were never dramatic, so now it’s new to feel this way.”
“Are you embarrassed too? Oh heck, Jim, that’s exactly how I feel. I’m happy with Eric and so relieved we realized how we truly felt for each other before committing to anything permanent. No one got hurt. But leaving my fiancé for my bodyguard? Such a cliché. Come on. I totally get you. I’ve never dealt with anyone scrutinizing my actions, let alone, stating an opinion that was negative over something I did. I’ve done so little actually. Who cares if outside people consider it a huge scandal? I know that I have to let it be and deal with it. I like where I am right now and I am fully ready to own that. I’ll dig in with that. And let people think what they choose to occupy their minds. I’ll just continue to do my job. Our long track record here should be a beacon of light in anyone’s judgment of us.”
“But some won’t see the beacon.”
“No, some won’t. Some will find it very salacious, and think the worst of us.”
“That’s where we drop it and let it go, huh? Make right with God and trust ourselves. It’s been easier to advise that to others, than to have to live it yourself.”
“Oh, that’s totally normal. Imagine being a doctor who knows he shouldn’t smoke and all about what stress does to you but continues that behavior anyway.”
“I haven’t considered it until now. But I intend to find out how it feels.”
Kathy touched his arm. “Good. Do that. Kayla deserves it. And so do you.”
“I wanted to ask you one thing. About us.”
“Yes?”
“As friends, why wouldn’t you ask me to help you become a pastor? If that’s what you really want or have an interest in pursuing, I can certainly help you make it happen.”
“Oh, I don’t know…”
“I do. If you want something bad enough, you really need to pursue it. You have to. I know you, Kathy, unless you’re pushed, you’ll sit on it and never step out of your comfort zone. You claim you want to stop being dishonest with yourself, and Eric, Kayla and I all agree you should and you can do it. I’m right here at your disposal. Why won’t you accept my help? It’s not even a hardship for me.”
She
