Pressing her face into his chest, she spoke, but he couldn’t hear her through the muffled effect of his shirt. He grabbed her hair and tilted her chin up. “What?”
“I love you too. But you still don’t realize how horrible those people are.”
“They’re old. It was a long time ago. They just don’t care now. And neither should you.”
“But they hurt you. And it took such a toll on you.”
He nodded and leaned down to kiss her lips. Like always, he couldn’t resist. “Kayla, they gave me a name. My first break. I found some peace with them and a calling. They also introduced me to the idea of becoming a pastor. So what if they failed at being the wonderful saviors you expected them to be? They were a couple who stumbled onto a kid they liked and since I was there already, they let me stay by adopting me. I worked hard and earned whatever they gave me. It was mutually beneficial at the time. That’s it. They didn’t like my past. And they wanted me to leave. Not everyone is a hero. But sometimes, being just decent enough is heroic.”
She sniffed. “You were only a boy and they wanted you to leave. They weren’t heroic. Ignorant. Weak-minded. I can think of other terms. They didn’t even care that you were innocent then, or that now, you’re a respected pastor.”
“Again. They’re old and tired and they just don’t care about many things anymore.” He smiled at her curious face. “You just have to let it go.”
She nodded. “I was thinking… you’re not especially attached to the Zavarian name, right? I mean, it filled a void, I suppose. Plugged a hole in the sinking ship that was you. But not particularly inspirational with regards to loyalty or stamina.”
“No, I guess not particularly.”
“You know what I was thinking?”
“What?” He tilted his head, thinking of their journey and the last thing she said.
“What if you took my last name? Someday when we get married, why couldn’t you just take Randall and become Jim Randall? It’s an ordinary name. Right? A name you can embrace without any of the drama that Jimmy and the Zavarians caused you.”
He gripped her face in his hands and laughed. Not at her, but at the fiercely serious way she said it to him.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not laughing at you. Just at how fiercely thoughtful you can be. It’s so unusual to see when it’s directed towards me. I don’t know what I’d do without it or you, now.”
She cupped his hand with hers as he held her face. “You won’t find out.”
He cocked his head. “We are getting married then?”
She flushed and shrugged. “Eh, sure. Of course. You know that. I know that. Why not talk about it?”
“Were you thinking about letting me ask you?”
She chewed on her lower lip. “Why can’t I ask you?”
He froze. Her expression went from wondering and casual to intense and serious. “Kayla…”
“Well… why can’t I ask you to marry me?”
He swallowed. “I guess there’s no reason you can’t. But are you?”
Tears filled her eyes. She sniffled. He dropped his hands to embrace her waist. “I think I am. Jim Zavarian, will you do me the honor of someday marrying me?”
He blinked with surprise, studying her face. Was she really serious? “Are… you really asking me?”
“For real. For always. Will you?”
His gaze took in the scenery. Was she really doing this here?
They were still in North Dakota for crying out loud. The trip to Montana was to look at a church that offered Jim a job as their pastor. It was an older church with low attendance, and a few younger members wanted to rebuild it. Originally, the structure dated from the late 1800s and the goal was to restore it to attract the locals of the area to join their weekly services. It had a big enough base to potentially draw a significant percentage of the population. They were without a pastor for several years and sought Jim out after several recommendations from various unrelated sources. The church shooting brought his name to the public but he also received an excellent portrayal from the media. His reputation preceded him, and the church in Montana invited him for an interview. As far as Jim was concerned, however, he went there to interview them. He was eager to see the landmark church and scope out the area as well as meet the local people. Both parties had to know if they were a good fit.
After the interview, Kayla insisted on a brief sojourn of sorts, to relive some of Jim’s history. They visited the colleges Jim attended, the towns he lived in and finally ended up at the Zavarian farm.
The Zavarians still lived there, and the farm looked exactly as Jim remembered.
Kayla expected they would be thrilled to see Jim, and sorry that he didn’t come back to visit them sooner. Jim knew that would never happen, and constantly tried to warn her they didn’t feel that way about him. No tear-filled, hug-laced, happy reunion for them, not like she was picturing. Even if they still liked Jim, the Zavarians were not demonstratively affectionate people who revealed their emotions in public. Not then. And not now.
Jim knew all along he was right. They banished him from their lives after meeting his biological father. They realized Jim came from tainted stock. Unlike Kayla who scoffed at that thought, the Zavarians believed bloodlines determined people’s personalities. Jim understood that even then, which was why he struck out on his own. No hard feelings.
But Kayla was appalled at their unusual lack of interest in how Jim turned out. The idea that a neighboring state
