But Amber had been practically a stranger. Wendy must have suffered terribly to let down her usual guard and pour out such a truth to someone she barely knew.
She couldn’t tell me, either.
Because Paul was almost as judgmental as her parents. Wendy had made a terrible mistake, and no one close to her had been the type to listen, accept it, help her deal with it.
“Look, I’ll need time to think all this through,” he said. “Provided we can come up with a safe, comfortable way for it to happen, I’d like for you to stay in Davey’s life. He loves you and needs you.” He paused and looked from Ferguson to Georgiana. “But make no mistake: I make the decisions about him. He’s my son.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
AMBER PUT HER arm around Hannah as they walked out of the doctor’s office. “I’m so glad you could come with me to my appointment,” she said, giving her daughter a side-arm squeeze.
She still wasn’t used to thinking of Hannah as an adult, but there it was. After so many years of taking Hannah to doctors’ appointments for her yearly checkups, now Hannah was helping her with hers.
Hannah returned Amber’s gesture, sliding an arm around her waist and bouncing a little. “I’m so happy! You’re, like, perfect!”
Amber laughed. “Not exactly. You’ve seen my crisscross of scars.”
Hannah danced away from Amber and lifted her hands, palms up, walking backward. “So you can’t wear a bikini anymore. The important thing is that your scans are good. Your blood tests are good. It’s all good.”
“You’re right.” When she’d thought something might go forward with Paul, she had let herself worry, a little, what he would think of her body and its imperfections. Now that wasn’t an issue.
Her thoughts of Paul seemed to transmit, telepathically, to her daughter. “So, this opens the door for you to get more serious with that hot guy you were interested in.” Hannah came back to walk beside her. “What was his name, Paul?”
Amber shrugged and hoped it worked to feign indifference. “Doubtful anything will happen there.”
“Why not?”
Even though Hannah was seeming more and more grown-up and independent, there was no way Amber was going to share dating information with her. So she waved a hand. “We just had a little falling-out. I don’t think he’s right for me, after all.”
“Even with that adorable little boy?”
“Yeah, Davey is a cutie, for sure.” Amber’s throat tightened, thinking of him. She wondered how Paul had explained the fact that she wasn’t around anymore. Had he painted her as evil in his explanation to Davey? Did Davey even care?
She still couldn’t quite believe that it had happened. Both that he’d found out the truth, and that he had reacted so intensely. But when she thought more about it, of course he reacted intensely.
Paul was an upright, honest person. He knew you couldn’t have a good relationship based on lies, and lying was what she had been doing. She was a fool to have thrown away something so good and promising.
But that was what she did, who she was. She wasn’t a person who would ever have a good partner like Paul. Didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve Davey.
The familiar feeling of inadequacy and wrongness pressed down on her, but something made her press back. Was she really so undeserving?
Amber didn’t deserve Hannah, either, but she’d been blessed with her. She tried to tune back into what her daughter was saying.
“It’s so cool that you can travel again. Because...” Hannah trailed off and looked sideways at her.
They were walking along toward the bay now, the wind blowing hard, making Amber’s eyes water a little. “What were you about to say?” she asked Hannah. “It’s cool I can travel because why?”
“I was going to say... You can come see me when I go abroad! Did I tell you I’m practically signed up for a semester abroad? If you sign off on it, of course, and it’s expensive, but...”
“I’m in favor.” Amber ignored the lurch in her chest. “I want to hear all about it.”
Hannah glanced sideways at her again and seemed to be reassured by the calm, curious expression Amber had pasted on her face. “I’m loving my international business class so much, Mom. And I’m doing really well in French, too. So I’m thinking about a minor in modern languages, and...” Hannah hesitated and studied her face. “Honestly, I didn’t think I could do it because of your health, but now it sounds like you can come see me wherever I am, anytime you want to.”
Pain tried to wrap around Amber’s heart, but she shoved it down. “I’m so glad you’re excited about your schoolwork and your future.” Her voice croaked a little at the end, but fortunately, Hannah got a phone call and couldn’t analyze her reaction.
The thing was, she was happy for Hannah. Hannah must have inherited some of her adventurous genes and Amber wouldn’t dream of stopping her.
Amber had always known how important it was for parents to have a life of their own, rather than living through their children, and this was why. It was what enabled you to open your hands and let your little bird fly free.
It was time for Amber to think about her own life, and the good news from the doctor just hadn’t struck her yet, probably. Probably, she would be thrilled about the opportunity to travel, to take up her book project again, once this gloom about Paul had worn off.
They’d parked right by the Coastal Kids preschool building, and as they approached the car, children’s voices rang out from that direction. When Amber saw that a group of children was outside, she paused and squinted, and there was Davey. He was talking to the
