But Davey shook his head. “Want to get a present for Miss Amber,” he said, and tugged Paul toward a table full of pastel-knitted decorations and flowery-smelling beanbag-type items. Davey couldn’t read, but he’d unerringly picked the “Gifts for Mom” table. “Can we, Daddy?”
Now, what was Paul supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to stifle Davey’s generosity? “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said, stalling.
“Why not? I love her.” Davey smiled up at him, an innocent smile that stabbed at Paul’s heart.
Davey, however mistakenly, was more generous than he was.
And yet Amber wasn’t Davey’s mom, nor was there any chance that she’d gain that role by marriage. Not anymore.
“We’ll think about that kind of gift later,” he hedged. When Davey’s face fell, he felt like a jerk.
As Paul steered Davey over toward the toy display, a loud bang made Paul jump.
Trey rushed out from behind the counter and grabbed Paul’s shoulder, then yelled, “Cut it out,” at Kirk. “Sorry, man, it’s just this toy battleship he’s been obsessed with,” he said to Paul. “It sounds way too realistic. You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Paul looked at his concerned face, looked down at Davey, who was also fine, and then realized what Trey was thinking.
A week ago, fireworks had set off a huge panic attack. Today, a loud banging toy hadn’t. Maybe he was making some progress.
“Go look at the toys,” he told Davey, who ran over to a group of kids clustered around Kirk. “Thanks for worrying about me,” he said to Trey, “but that one didn’t hit me. I’m not saying I’m over the PTSD, but I’m getting better.”
“Good man,” Trey said, and went to help someone unload more boxes of Christmas books.
Paul strolled through the aisles of the fair, keeping an eye on Davey, paying attention to what he liked so that he could come back and buy a couple of items later.
As he followed after Davey and kept Sarge at his side, his mind wandered. It was great that he was getting past the panic attacks. The counseling was helping. Being here in Pleasant Shores was helping. It was a good community, full of caring people like Trey, who was looking out for him and understood his issues, and Mary, who’d helped Davey enjoy dressing Sarge up for Santa.
And Amber, his conscience reminded him. She was a good person, too, had been kind to both him and Davey from that first night Davey had run off and ended up at her house.
But she lied!
Yes, to help a dying woman gain peace.
It was true. That was why Amber had kept her silence. Not out of meanness, or self-interest, but because she was keeping a promise.
It was Paul who was acting mean and self-interested.
Davey’s grandparents had found out the truth weeks ago, apparently, and they, too, had kept the truth from him for a time. Their reaction to Wendy’s adultery had been to panic and go behind Paul’s back, trying to take Davey from him, even sneaking him to his biological father and basically offering Davey to that self-absorbed rich idiot who didn’t know a good kid when he saw one. Paul’s fists clenched just thinking about it.
Davey’s grandparents had acted like jerks to both Paul and Davey.
Paul had acted like a jerk to Amber.
Amber was the only one who hadn’t acted like a jerk.
He thought of her face when she’d seen them come in today, how it had lit up and then fallen. He’d hurt her. He’d told her he never wanted to see her again.
But the truth was, he didn’t just want to see her, he wanted to keep seeing her. He was in love with her, and he wanted to marry her.
He stopped still as the realization hit him hard.
He loved her and he wanted to marry her.
Wanted her to be his wife. Wanted her to be Davey’s mom.
So she’d made a mistake in how she’d handled Wendy’s secret. It wasn’t as if Paul had never made a mistake himself.
And yeah, thinking about something long-term with her, the risks were there. She might not be healthy or live to a ripe old age, and that was heartbreaking to even contemplate.
But he thought of Davey, who’d given his heart to Amber in a simple, uncomplicated way without regard for the consequences.
A little child shall lead them.
Unless you become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Paul wasn’t all that well trained in the Bible, but there was a reason those particular verses were sayings most people knew and remembered: they were true and right and worth living by.
If Davey could let the future take care of itself and love Amber now, could Paul do any less?
The only problem was, he’d blown it with Amber. He’d said cruel things, blamed her for something that wasn’t her fault, acted judgmental and self-righteous.
If he had any chance with her, he had to do something big.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
IT WASN’T WALKING WEATHER on this late-morning Sunday, but Amber went for a walk, anyway.
When life gets you down, get moving. It had been her philosophy for years. She’d done it when she’d been undergoing treatments in the hospital, sneaking outside to stroll the grounds or hang with the smokers even when she was supposed to be confined to her room.
Before that, she’d dragged Hannah out all the time when she was a baby and toddler. They’d gone to the lake with friends and to the shore with a short-term boyfriend and to Texas, one memorable summer, just the two of them. She hadn’t had money to travel far, back in those days, but she’d scrimped in the rest of her life so they wouldn’t be stuck at home for long stretches with nothing new and exciting to do.
No doubt that contributed to the wanderlust Hannah felt now, the wanderlust that was taking her further out of Amber’s circle and influence. Amber applauded it, and she blamed herself
