She continued to cry, rocking listlessly back and forth. I pulled her close. “There, there. We’ll figure this out. Don’t worry.”
Even as I said the words, I wasn’t sure they were true. I had no idea how to get laudanum and, when it came down to it, I was frightened by what it had done to her tonight. The ghostly image of her lying on that bed wouldn’t leave me for a long time. All I did know was that my sister was in desperate need of help.
I cradled her until she fell back to sleep, then at dawn, I dressed, pocketing the empty vials, and ran to find Dr. Carson.
Chapter Fourteen
Dr. Carson didn’t appear surprised when I knocked on his surgery door. “Are you poorly after the storm last night?” he asked, inviting me in.
The middle-deck room was small and dark with one window, a porthole that gave off a heady smell of mouldy dampness. I noticed it was just above the waterline and bolted closed against the swells and the grey, turgid water that threatened to swamp it. A lattice of small drawers, each labelled with a brass plate, covered one whole wall. I squinted, trying to read some of the labels, hoping that one of these little wooden cubicles housed the drug I sought.
“No, I’m fine,” I replied. “It’s my sister.”
He sat and gestured to an old wooden chair on the other side of his desk. “Please, take a seat,” he said in a lilting Welsh accent. “What can I do for you, Miss Harding?”
“Please call me Charlotte.” I squirmed in my chair, uncertain how to begin. “My sister’s regular doctor, Dr. Randolph, put her on some medication prior to our departure, and I’m afraid she doesn’t have enough to see her through the voyage.”
“What is she taking?”
“This,” I said, holding out the two empty vials. “Laudanum.”
Dr. Carson grew very serious as he took the vials. “Laudanum is a powerful drug made by combining opium and alcohol, and I take great care in who I give it to. It’s very effective for pain in the short term, but over time it’s highly addictive.”
“Harriet says it calms her nerves. She hasn’t suffered an injury, so I can’t begin to understand why her doctor would have prescribed this for her in the first place.” I remembered the way Dr. Randolph had helped Harriet into the carriage that rainy day. He’d seemed so attentive, but had I misread his intentions?
“I’ve heard that it is becoming quite commonplace with physicians who administer to the wealthy,” Dr. Carson said. “But in my opinion they are playing with fire.”
“How so?”
“The drug opium slows the heartbeat. Breathing becomes shallow. Heart attacks are not uncommon. Overdoses are often fatal. Those addicted can rarely focus on anything other than their next dose and the first symptoms of withdrawal are enough to make those trying to quit give up.”
As he described exactly what I had just witnessed in Harriet, my throat felt dry and I swallowed hard. “May I be frank?”
“Please.”
“My sister has been taking a full daily dose of laudanum for nearly a month now. I believe she’s addicted. I’m terrified of what will happen if she continues to take it… but I’m also afraid of what might happen if she suddenly stops. She just needs enough to see her through the voyage, then we can get her proper help. Would you be able to prescribe her a few more doses? I’ll monitor her closely.”
His shoulders drooped and he slumped forward on his desk, as though the ills of the world hung heavily on him. “Miss Charlotte, you need to understand that accidents happen all the time on ships. This is dangerous work. There’ll be broken bones, cuts, and coal-fire burns. There’s no knowing what lies ahead, but I do know that the poor crewmen will suffer, and laudanum is the only drug I have to help them. I have none to spare.” He raised his head and looked at me hard. “I won’t lie to you. Withdrawal from the drug will be one of the hardest things your sister will ever do, but she will survive.”
“Couldn’t we try to wean her off of it? Do you have enough for that?” I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to Harriet empty-handed.
“It’s possible,” he said after a moment. “But you will have to get her to commit, and it’s not easy to cut back. The addiction is powerful. As long as they have a full dose available to them, most addicts will give in to the pull of the drug.”
“I’ll convince her, and I’ll get her to turn over the last of her supply to you so she can’t backslide,” I said, my resolve building. Yes, this was what I could do for Harriet. “Of course, we would pay you so you can buy more laudanum. I wouldn’t want the crew to be without. But my sister is also in great need.”
The doctor straightened. “I’m forgetting my oath. The crew and passengers on this ship are both my patients, and I must do all I can to help you.”
Relief washed over me like a wave, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.
“But I don’t want your money,” he said, then paused, deep in thought. “Let me propose something. I recall from the captain’s dinner that you have some experience with veterinary medicine. I desperately need another set of hands. If you assist me on my daily rounds with the crew, I would be willing to use some of my supply of laudanum to help wean Harriet off the drug. She could reduce her daily dose to zero in a few weeks’ time and I will restock when
