“Well, it wasn’t much of a life.”
“That’s something to cry about, too,” he said. “Talk to me. Tell me what you felt while you were in that limo. I want to hear it because you need to say it, because under all that toughness, I know there’s a soft heart. You need to cry and let it out or it’s going to fester.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Yes, I’ve let things fester for a very long time and I’m a walking wound.” He drew her back against him. “I’m feeling helpless. I don’t handle that well. Maybe we both need to deal with the day. I’m not going to sleep tonight if I don’t try to take care of you. You can talk to me or we can try something else.”
She let her head drift back and then she was surrounded by him. Despite the fact that she knew it couldn’t work out in the long term, she wanted this moment, needed it so badly. It would be better to run back to her room and lock herself in, but she couldn’t do it. He was a drug and she’d never stopped craving him. The temptation to find out how this Beckett Kent could take care of her was far too much to turn away. “What do you want to try?”
“You are one big ball of stress and you don’t trust me.”
“Beck,” she began.
“No. It’s true and I understand it. I have trouble with trust, too. So let’s work on it. Let’s take this time and see if we can figure out a better way to deal with each other. Let’s start with brutal honesty.” He took a shaky breath behind her. “I’ve missed you.”
She closed her eyes and let the words sink in. “I missed you, too.”
“I’m still angry with you, but I don’t think that matters now. I think what matters is that my instinct is to protect you. I need to follow my instincts.”
Yes, she should definitely run because there was still so much he didn’t know, so many other reasons to be angry with her. But they didn’t matter because she couldn’t talk about them. Those promises had been made to someone else and she couldn’t break them. Not even to save her marriage.
“Can you trust me enough to let me touch you? I know I did that when I helped with your leg, but you know damn well it would feel better if you didn’t have clothes on, if it was my hand on your skin. Let me touch you.”
There was nothing she wanted more, but she couldn’t say it. All she could do was step out and turn to face him. She held up her arms and let him pull the T-shirt she was wearing off. She’d been ready for bed so she’d taken her bra off, and now cool air whispered across her skin. But it was the fact that his eyes were on her that made her nipples tighten.
“I’ve been with other women,” he said carefully.
They’d been divorced for years. She hadn’t thought he would be faithful. “I’ve dated some. Not much. Two guys. Not…”
He shook his head. “No. He wasn’t a date. I know that. He was a mistake you made, and Levi likely manipulated you.”
She suddenly felt so vulnerable. “If we’re going to actually talk about this, I should be dressed.”
“No. That’s been our problem all along.” He reached down and pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. “Every single time we’ve talked in the last ten years, we’ve put on our armor and gone into battle. This isn’t a battle. It doesn’t have to be. It can be something more.”
Like once, they’d been something more. “I’m afraid to be vulnerable with you.”
He kicked off his shoes. It was obvious he’d shoved them on his feet when he’d come down to look for her because he wasn’t wearing socks. How odd that the sight of his feet made her heart clench. She’d seen his chest, his arms and legs. But it had been so many years since she’d seen his feet, brushed hers against them when they were in bed.
“I’ve never loved a woman the way I loved you. I put it in the past tense, but we both know there’s still something here.” Beck shoved the pajama bottoms he’d been wearing down and revealed he wasn’t wearing any boxers. “I don’t know where we’re going, but I know as long as we’re stuck here together, I won’t be able to keep my hands off you. I’m sick of being angry with you.”
She was so sick of his anger, though she knew there was some justification to it. “You want honesty? You want to know what I felt when I was in that limo with him?”
He moved in, his body on glorious display. The man was even more lovely than he’d been all those years before. Though he bore a few new scars. She did, too. It was funny because they were almost in the same place. He reached out and touched the place where she’d been shot in Colorado. It was a few inches under her collar bone. She waited for his anger to rise, but he merely touched the spot. “Yes. I want to know. I want to know how you felt so I can try to fix it.”
He couldn’t fix it, but he might be able to make her feel something. She’d been numb for so long, forcing herself to not want anything. The few times she’d allowed herself to hope, she’d found the depths of despair. It felt good to want even though she knew it wouldn’t last more than a night or two.
“When I realized he’d come for me, I was scared at first, but then I felt so fucking lost because you wouldn’t look at me.
