She couldn’t resist him, couldn’t say no, though she worried there was a stark undertone to his words. All that mattered was taking this moment. She might never see him again. This might finally be the end, and she wanted something sweet, something to hold on to, something that she would fight to remember even if Levi caught her again.
She wanted one more moment with Beck.
He devoured her mouth, kissing her with a hunger she matched with her own.
“This is what you need, what we both need,” he whispered against her mouth. “Take off those pants and those fucking panties and let me touch you. Let me help clear some of this poison. Let’s get it all out of our systems, and then I’ll beg you to not make me sleep on the couch tonight.”
This was such a dangerous place to be. “You can’t make me forget. You’ve been an asshole to me for years.”
“I can. Give me a chance. You don’t have to love me again. You only have to want me. You have to trust me to get you through this. Let me start by getting you through the night. Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want to know what I can do to you now and I’ll walk away. I’ll sleep on that couch and we can go right back to being polite in the morning.”
“You are never polite.”
“Because you don’t need polite. That’s not what you want in bed. You want me to take charge. You want to be able to close your eyes and focus on the pleasure. You want to shut your brain off and know that you can relax. I promise you won’t be thinking about anything but the way I can make you feel. Let me show you what I’ve learned over the years we’ve spent apart. Let me show you how much better I can take care of you now. Give me the power.”
She wanted to, but there needed to be boundaries. “I can’t make love to you.”
His hands tightened in her hair, lighting up her scalp and making her skin tingle. “Who said anything about making love? I want to fuck you. I want to spank you and make you cry for me. I want to hurt you but in the best way, in the way that unleashes your pain and makes me feel like I can do something good with all the bad inside me.”
If he’d offered her something tender, she couldn’t have even considered it. There was no tenderness between them, but there was need. The need to find out if he could do all the things he promised, if he could take her out of herself, if he could make her forget even for a few moments that she was alone in the world.
She nodded.
“No, you have to say it,” Beck commanded. “You have to give me the power, but with the understanding that you can take it back at any time. You can stop me. But I have to hear the words. There’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in this dungeon. It might coat the world outside, but it has no place here.”
She wanted to believe it, needed at least to try this with him. She shoved away every single reason to run from him.
“Please hurt me, Beck.”
Chapter Five
She couldn’t believe she’d said the words, but they were true. She wanted what he was offering. How long had this need been inside her, unfilled, unresolved?
Beck’s hand came up to grip her neck, to force her to look up at him. “You obey me in this room. You will do what I tell you, take what I give you here. If I scare you or tell you to do something you don’t want to do, say the word red and I’ll stop. I mean anything, Kim. You can stop this at any time.”
She could take everything he had to give and stop him before actual sex. He was telling her she didn’t have to pay him back with intercourse.
But the sex would be for her, too. “I’m not going to stop you.”
His fingers tightened slightly, bringing her up on her toes. “You always have a choice, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend you don’t. I need to hear you tell me you understand that you do.”
He was offering her a fantasy but needed her to understand consent was everything or the fantasy didn’t work. “I can tell you no if that makes it hotter for me, but all I have to do to stop it is say the word red. You need to understand that I want you. I want everything you promised me, but I’m afraid that you’ll hold back because you know how much I want it.”
“I promise, I’m not trying to punish you, but in the end you’ll have to trust me. If you can do that, take the rest of your clothes off and then I want you to go to the table where I rubbed your legs and I want you to put your hands on top and spread your legs wide with that pretty ass of yours up in the air.”
“You’re going to spank me.”
“I am. I’m going to make your ass red and your pussy wet. I’m going to touch you everywhere I want because for these moments your body belongs to me and you don’t have to think about anything but following my commands and taking my discipline. If that doesn’t work for you, we can try something else, but I want to be in bed with you tonight and I want to be the reason you can sleep. Tell me if the idea of me disciplining you is frightening or arousing.”
“You know it’s arousing.”
“I do, but unless you’re willing to admit it, this can’t work.”
She stepped back slightly and he
