Two weeks after she’d left Paris she felt comfortable enough to take the ferry from Catania, Sicily, to her final destination, the tiny island nation of Malta. The ferry landed in Valletta and she took a cab to the Birgu waterfront and walked to the base of Fort Saint Angelo. It was late and she jumped the fence that barred her access to the long winding path that led to the top of the fort.
The sun was slipping into the Mediterranean as she made it to the top. A lone figure stood, blocking her path.
“Kim?” a familiar voice asked. “Is that you?”
She stood in front of the man who owed her everything. “Yes. It’s me. I need some help.”
He stepped toward her and she could see the collar around his neck that denoted he was a priest. The real Ezra Fain held his arms open. “Of course. What’s my brother done now? He’s the only one who could put that look on your face.”
She hugged the man who had been her brother-in-law and let the tears fall.
She knew in that moment that she would never love another man.
She was wrong.
Part Two
Seven Years Later
Chapter Seven
Dallas, TX
Beckett Kent sat back in the comfy chair Kai kept in his office and briefly wondered how many sad sacks like himself had sat in this very chair. How many had come through this peaceful office and found a way to move forward with their lives? “Am I your oldest patient?”
Kai frowned, looking at him over the glasses he wore when he was working. “Absolutely not. I’ve got a couple of patients in their seventies. You know the need for mental health doesn’t go away just because you age.”
He chuckled. “I meant who else has been coming here every week for seven years.”
“Ah.” Kai closed his notebook, a sure sign that their time was almost up. Kai often spent the last ten minutes of their sessions simply talking. “No. You don’t win that contest either. I’ve got a couple of guys I’ve been seeing for ten years. There’s no shame in it.”
He knew that deep down. He’d worked hard, harder than he’d ever worked to get past that volcanic rage that had blown up his world not once but twice.
“Are you thinking about her today?” Kai asked quietly.
Beck nodded. “Yeah. I mean I think about her every day, but it’s been rough this week. You would think after seven years she wouldn’t be the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thought I have before I go to sleep, but there it is.”
“You lost her,” Kai pointed out. “That’s hard to get over.”
“No. I pushed her away. I threw her away.” There was the real shame, but he’d come to realize that shame could be productive. Shame had driven him to come to Dallas, to show up on Kai’s doorstep after he’d realized he wasn’t going to find her. She’d run and hid from him as much as she’d hidden from Levi Green.
“Did you just think his name?” Kai had a knowing smile on his face.
Beck sighed. He’d managed to deal with a lot of his anger issues, but Levi Green still had the ability to make him see red. It didn’t help that the fucker was living the good life in DC, moving up steadily through the ranks at the Agency. He wouldn’t be surprised if Green was one day moved into a directorate position. Now, from what he’d been told, the fucker was planning a wedding. “Yes. Sorry. I know it was my fault Kim ran. It’s my fault she’s been in hiding for seven years. But I can’t help but hate that man. I’m the one who let him come between Kim and myself, but I can’t let go of my anger toward him.”
He would never let go of that.
“Some therapists would tell you to work on that,” Kai pointed out. “But you know how I feel. Anger can be healthy. Anger can be productive. What we’ve always been doing here is working on giving you control over your anger. I often think some people are born with a well of rage inside them, and it’s like a fire. It can burn out of control and wreck everything around it. Or it can bring warmth and light where there was none. Human rights, justice, these are all things that were made possible by anger properly directed to bring about change.”
Confronting his own anger had changed him in numerous ways, but it hadn’t changed the fact that his wife was still out there, still hiding. It hadn’t changed the fact that he hadn’t found the evidence he needed to acquit her and give her back her life.
Kai leaned forward, taking off his glasses and putting them on the table beside his chair. In the years since Beck had joined McKay-Taggart there had been many changes, but the only age he could see on his therapist was a bit of gray at his temples. “Do you have any idea how far you’ve come, Beck?”
“Not far enough,” he said wistfully. “Although I suppose going by my real name again is a step in the right direction.”
He didn’t even think of himself as Ezra anymore. For a long time, he’d fooled himself into playing the part, even in his head. But Kai had helped him realize how destructive it was.
“The anniversary of your brother’s death is coming up. How are you feeling about that?” Kai asked softly.
He still hated it when Kai put him in a corner and made him want to fight his way out. He didn’t want to talk about these particular feelings, but he knew if he didn’t they would bottle up again. “Angry. Sad. Weary. I still feel anger when I think of my brother, and that
