His kid. God, he had a freaking kid, and he was weird and smart and had Kim’s nose and his eyes.
Those eyes were Beck’s dad’s eyes, too, and for most of his life that would have bothered him. His old man had been cruel. He hadn’t minded using his fists on anyone who irritated him. But what he’d come to realize was DNA didn’t have to be the only path a man could take. He didn’t have to walk around with anger in his gut all the time. Especially not when he’d realized what the anger truly was.
Fear. Anxiety. Self-loathing put there by past events that had made him feel small.
In the beginning he’d made the choice to be better for her, for the woman he’d always loved. In the end, he’d come to realize he deserved to have a better life. He was worth more than his father had given him.
How the hell had the man not loved him? There was something deeply wrong with his dad because he’d only known Roman for a few hours and he would already give his life for the kid.
Love welled up hard and fast, an emotion that was different from what he felt for Kim. It was different but no less strong.
He should be angry with her. She’d kept their son from him for six fucking years, but he couldn’t find it. There was a little ember that had flared for a few hours, but it had died as he’d stood there and talked to his son. He was lying. It had died when she’d told him why she’d changed her path, why she’d gone from running away from Roman to running to him.
I ran back to the fort because you were there and I had hope again.
She wasn’t completely lost to him. Not if he could bring her hope.
He still had questions. A whole lot of them. But he remembered the words he’d said to her that last day in Paris. He’d literally told her he was happy they hadn’t had kids. He’d told her she wouldn’t be a good mother. He’d spent years telling her he couldn’t love her, couldn’t forgive her. His cruelty had sent her running every bit as much as Levi’s had, and he wasn’t making the same mistake again.
His brother, though… His brother was a completely different story.
He could be damn mad at his brother.
He believed Kim when she said she wasn’t interested in his brother in more than a familial way, but that didn’t mean Ezra wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what his brother was up to, but he intended to find out.
“Hey.” Jax came down the stairs as quietly as a big dude possibly could. He held a cell phone in his hand—one of the burners they’d brought with them. “I’ve got Big Tag on the line. He and Theo have worked out our next move. Rob’s getting everything lined up, but Ian wanted to talk to you.”
He bet Ian wanted to talk to him. He took the cell and stepped back into the kitchen, nodding Jax’s way. “Thanks, man.”
“Everything go okay?” Jax asked, looking over to where Roman cuddled up to his mom.
“He’s smart as a whip.” Beck felt a smile cross his face. “She’s done a great job with him. She’s kept him safe, and he seems open to having a dad in his life.”
She hadn’t put her anger at him on Roman. Because despite all the shit Kim had been through as a kid, she’d never taken it out on anyone else. While he’d put up walls, she’d opened her heart to him time and time again.
Could he get her to do it one more time? One more time, forever.
“You are handling this with grace, brother. I’m proud of you,” Jax said.
He didn’t want to think about how much those words meant to him. If he did, he might break down. For years after Ezra had “died,” he’d closed himself off. Becoming part of this weird family had softened him up for good. “She had her reasons. Watch over them for me, please.”
Jax nodded and sat down on the stairs as Beck walked toward the back of the small house Ezra had guided them to. According to his brother, this place, like the boat they’d taken, were owned by wealthy members of the church Ezra worked with.
His brother was a priest? That was what he’d been told. The people who’d loaned them the boat acted like Ezra was some kind of saint, though he wasn’t sure what they’d said because he didn’t speak Italian. He’d definitely heard them call him Padre. Was that a cover? Because the last time he’d checked his brother had been a soldier, and a damn good one.
Or had that been an illusion? All their lives Beck had been the rebel and Ezra had been known for his good choices. His perfection. Ezra had been the one who did everything right, the one he was supposed to look up to.
He shoved the thoughts aside and put the phone to his ear. Contemplation would have to wait.
“Hey, Ian. How are the others? We’ve tried to keep our communication limited in case Levi’s kissed enough ass to get someone to point a satellite this way so he can listen in on us.”
“Did I or did I not tell you to use a condom?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” But he was laughing, trying to hold it together because he should have known that would be Tag’s reaction. “And if I had I wouldn’t have a super-smart kid and an excellent way to get back into his mother’s good graces.”
Tag was quiet for a moment. “You’re really not upset about this? I was worried about your reaction. Finding out you’re an instadad can be stressful.”
“Upset about my son? No. Maybe it’ll hit me later on that I
