Also by Marieke Nijkamp
This Is Where It Ends
Before I Let Go
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Books. Change. Lives.
Copyright © 2020 by Marieke Nijkamp
Cover and internal design © 2020 by Sourcebooks
Cover design by Nicole Hower/Sourcebooks
Title branding by Faceout Studio
Cover images © Trial/Shutterstock; Jan Ke/Shutterstock; Miriam Rodríguez Domingo/EyeEm/Getty Images; Yura GRIDNEV/Getty Images; Katsumi Murouchi/Getty Images
Internal design by Danielle McNaughton/Sourcebooks
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.
Published by Sourcebooks Fire, an imprint of Sourcebooks
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
(630) 961-3900
sourcebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Nijkamp, Marieke, author.
Title: Even if we break / Marieke Nijkamp.
Description: Naperville, IL : Sourcebooks Fire, [2020] | Audience: Ages 14-18. | Audience: Grades 10-12. | Summary: Friends Finn, Liva, Maddy, Carter, and Ever begin a farewell round of the game they have played for three years, but each is hiding secrets and the game itself seems to turn against them.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020005284 | (hardcover)
Subjects: CYAC: Best friends--Fiction. | Friendship--Fiction. | Fantasy games--Fiction. | Secrets--Fiction. | Horror stories.
Classification: LCC PZ7.1.N55 Eve 2020 | DDC [Fic]--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020005284
Contents
Front Cover
Title Page
Copyright
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Back Cover
To the dragons who saved me
One
Finn
We’re leaving the world behind.
The narrow mountain road creeps higher, and with every step, Flagstaff and our small suburb of Stardust disappear a little farther into the distance. With every step, we’re more alone. It’s just the five of us.
It’s not a comfortable walk—the straps of my backpack dig into my shoulders, my binder is sweaty, and my crutches keep slipping on loose rocks—but it’s a beautiful one. The muddy road first winds around a dark and ghostly lava field, then nestles between a whispering pine forest and steep cliffs.
If only I could relax enough to appreciate it. But I keep my eyes on the ground. It’s safer that way—and less painful too.
“Are you okay?” Carter falls into step with me, the two of us lagging behind the other three. Carter’s the only one lugging a suitcase up this mountain, and it makes his pace more irregular than mine. His face is almost as red as his shirt, and he’s sweating. The sun won’t let us forget that it’s summer.
“Please tell me you wore sunscreen,” I say.
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, Dad.”
“You like me a whole lot more than you like your dad,” I joke, and immediately realize how mean it sounded.
Carter flinches, then takes a deep breath and looks at me with something that’s far too much like pity. And underneath is a gentleness I haven’t seen in years, reminding me of the exuberant gamer he was our freshman year, before he became the son his parents wanted him to be. “I’m glad you’re here, dude. It’s been a while.”
I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m not sure I’m glad. A weariness has settled in my bones and my joints, and it refuses to come out. At least this is the last time we’ll come together as a group.
Too much has changed. Some friendships aren’t meant to last. We’ve outgrown one another. There is too much hurt and history between us.
But Ever wants us to try one last time, and for Ever, I’ll do anything.
Even if it means pretending everything’s okay and putting costumes and characters over the cracks between us.
Even if it’ll break me.
Even if it’ll break all of us.
I glance toward the front of the group, where Ever navigates the road. They’re with Liva, and the sight of her perfectly styled hair and flawless smile makes me tense up. Pain stabs at my legs and radiates to the rest of my body. If Ever’s why I’m here, Liva’s why I wouldn’t be.
Carter is unperturbed by my silence. “So, what do you think Ever prepared? I mean, we all know this game will be another murder mystery. Our characters are only good at solving murders. But this is our last weekend together. It must be something special. Do you think it’ll be our boss fight? Take down the BBEG? They’ve been secretive for weeks.”
Although so much of me doesn’t want to be here, I can’t help getting drawn back into our game, into the world of Gonfalon. I missed this. But I continue my silence, trying desperately not to care.
Carter keeps talking. “We have the perfect location for it. Have you heard the ghost stories about this mountain? Apparently they go back for decades. Centuries. Do you think Ever will weave some of that into our story? You know, for full immersion? It would definitely make this weekend memorable.”
I can’t help myself. “Ghost stories, huh?” This doesn’t seem like a haunted place. The mountain is green and blossoming under the summer sun. The foliage still smells of rain and the aftereffects of a storm. Birds chirp, eagles call, and every part of it is so tranquil, it chafes. Only the road itself is imperfect, scarred by a year of minor quakes.
“Mass murderers. Disappearances. Strange music coming from the shadows. The last thing the murderer’s victims heard before he killed them was a music box melody.” He looks up at the mountain and grins. “People die on this mountain, Finn.”
“You sound way too
