This is not good. This is spectacularly not good.
“Carter went back inside?” I repeat.
Maddy nods and Ever groans. “We have to go back for him. We have to get him out.”
She nods again, but it’s clear the words mean very little to her.
“Ev…” I touch their arm and jerk my head back, indicating we should step away from Maddy. My jaw is tense, and I keep clenching and unclenching my fists.
Ever nods, but they keep their attention on Maddy for a moment longer. “Maddy. Try to focus on us. We need to find Carter, and we need you to be with us.”
When she doesn’t reply, Ever rocks to their feet and looks at me. “We have to snap her out of it. We can’t leave her like this, and we can’t stay.”
“We have to do something,” I say. “But…” I walk to the edge of the porch and lower my voice, so only Ever can hear what I’m saying. It’s something I haven’t wanted to voice aloud until now, but we need to discuss it. “I have to ask… Do you think maybe the call is coming from inside the house?”
Their eyes widen. “You mean you think one of us did something to Liva?”
I wince. They trust so easily. “I don’t know? I feel like we shouldn’t discount any possibilities.”
“No.” Ever shakes their head. “I don’t want to entertain that thought. I can’t.”
“I don’t want to either, but…”
“Like who? Carter?” They gesture around them with force, and I almost feel the rage and fear spilling over from their fingertips. “We were together the entire time. We only broke apart as a group when I wanted to do that scene with him.”
“Maddy left several times.” I glance past them, in the direction of Maddy, who is still trying to remove the bloodstains from her hands.
“Because she’s hurting, Finn. Frankly, we all are. Life is complicated in different ways for all of us. That doesn’t mean we go around killing one another.”
“I’m not saying anyone did this. But people are capable of all kinds of things. And I can keep trusting people and getting hurt, or I can try to be more sensible about it.” I scowl and look away from them, but despite my determination, the words taste like bile in my mouth. It’s so much easier not to get attached to people, but I don’t think I can live like that. I hated Liva and I wanted to hurt her. She was my friend, and she forgot about me. But I never wanted her to come to harm.
When I turn to walk back to Maddy, Ever’s hand grabs my shoulder, and they pull me around and toward them. They wrap their arms around my shoulders. Slowly, I put my arms around their waist. We breathe in the same air. We can feel our heartbeats echo against each other.
Even if everything else feels wrong in the world, this, right here, feels right.
In a way, I hate that it does. I wish I could pretend it didn’t. This—happiness—doesn’t belong. Not here. Not now. But then, maybe here and now are all we have left.
Damien took me aside at WyvernCon this year and told me to, for the love of Talos, ask Ever out already. He said point-blank, “I see how you look at them. I see how they look at you. It’s worth a try.”
“What if they say no?” I asked him.
“Then you go on being friends. As long as you can respect each other’s wishes, your friendship is strong enough to withstand that.”
“What if they say yes?” is what I actually wanted to know.
“Then you still go on being friends, but you also try to make the relationship part work, whatever that means to you.”
“How on earth do I do that?”
He laughed. “Ikram and I are still trying to figure that out, but I’ll let you know when I’ve completed the manual. Truth is, the most important parts are communication and trust. Figuring out what it means to be together, what you want and need from each other, what you’re comfortable with. And kissing. The kissing is one of my favorite parts.”
I blushed, and he laughed harder.
“But it’s also investing in friendship. Because you can have the friendship without the relationship, but you can’t have the relationship without the friendship.”
“I wouldn’t want to give up my friendship with Ever for anything,” I admitted.
“That’s good. I wouldn’t want to give up my friendship with Ikram for anything either.” Damien tapped his phone and pulled up a picture of him and his boyfriend in outrageous Regency costumes. They were both laughing so hard they were almost crying. “This world is a messed up and scary place. It’s lonely to go through it on your own. So, you have to find your family. You have to find people who will stand by you and make you laugh until you cry, and who will hold you while you cry until you laugh again.”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip, trying to process his words. “Wait, you mean the world doesn’t get less scary after high school?”
Damien put his phone in his pocket and rolled back to the front of the game stand. He’d once told me if my pain and joint instability got worse and it happened that I needed to use a wheelchair, we’d figure it out together. Wheels are fracking excellent; they’re freedom, and he’d teach me how to make the most of them. “Hasn’t happened yet. Of course, it’s only been a couple of years, so maybe it takes some time.”
“Well, that’s a comforting thought.”
Damien stared straight through
