I recall my rejecting Tanya and a feeling of shame makes me squirm. I know Tanya is nice enough to let the incident slide, pretending that nothing happened between us. But I also know I can’t remain silent.
“I’m sorry I was ever mean to you,” I mutter, averting my eyes. “I was just…” I will myself to shut my mouth. I’m not going to offer any excuses. “I’m very sorry,” I repeat.
“You weren’t so bad.” Tanya shrugs. “The other girls wouldn’t talk to me at all. Most of them completely ignored me and some even threw dirt clods at me.”
I bite the inside of my mouth, remembering Samantha and her friends trashing my dress and calling me names.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat because there’s nothing else to say.
“I always hated being a servant,” Tanya confesses. “I always thought it was wrong. I heard how everyone was free in the past. Servants and masters didn’t exist. That’s how things should be, I think.”
I watch Tanya, feeling surprised. She’s much different from what I originally thought.
“I so wanted to leave our village,” the girl continues. “I thought life would be different here in Central Settlement. But things only became even worse. Nobody wanted to be my friend because I’m ugly. They were always calling me names and hating me…” She smiles unsurely. “Only one guy, a racer with funny eyes, was ever nice to me. He brought me food from the racer’s dining room a few times.”
“You mean… Sandro?”
“He didn’t tell me his name. But I saw him and another guy with you and Amy.”
I didn’t know that Sandro was Tanya’s friend. He hardly ever spoke, always being shy and a little distant. Thinking of him, Dennis, Trent and Martha makes me want to cry. What will happen to them now? Will they survive the next Terror Race?
“I was very scared of our new master,” Tanya sighs. “Walking past me, he’d always pinch, kick or slap me. I was washing the floor in the mansion the other day, and Gabriel kicked the bucket with mop water. And then he blamed me for making a mess. He grabbed my hair and threw me against the wall. I hated him. I’m so glad you killed him.”
Tanya stretches her lips into a wide smile. She doesn’t sound like a child and there’s no self-pity in her voice. I can distinctly see the fresh purple bruises covering her arms.
“I should have killed Gabriel much earlier,” I say.
If only I hadn’t hesitated back in his bedroom, if I only pressed the pillow against Gabriel’s face, if I took his knife and stabbed him… Amethyst would be still alive.
“Will your family hide you for the night?” I ask, changing the subject. “I mean… they wouldn’t call for the guards, would they?”
“No, they won’t rat me out.”
“Do you miss them?”
The little girl looks away, frowning. “Well… I do miss them. But I don’t really think they miss me.”
“What do you mean? Of course they miss you. They’re your family.”
Tanya doesn’t say anything for a while, then turns to face me. She points a finger to the burn scars on her cheek. “These are my mother’s doing.”
“What?!”
“I broke a cup. I was washing dishes and a cup slid out of my hands. My mom said I was clumsy. She had some water boiling on the stove. She threw a pan of it in my face.”
I’m speechless. I can’t possibly imagine a mother doing something like that to her own child. I realize Tanya was an outcast even within her own family. I could at least feel safe at home.
“It’s ugly, isn’t it?” Tanya asks, turning her face away. “I love my mother anyway. And I’m not angry.”
“Your scars are hardly noticeable,” I lie.
Tanya smirks, obviously self-aware of her appearance.
Several hours later the sky finally darkens. We manage to climb undetected inside one of the overfilled trucks and conceal ourselves between bags of rubbish. The truck lurches forward, proceeding slowly toward the Recycling village. Tanya cuddles in close to me, closes her eyes and quickly drifts off to sleep.
I remain fully awake, too nervous and edgy to relax. I continue envisioning Gabriel shooting down Amethyst every time I try to shut my eyes. My thoughts are racing. I think about my new friends whom I left behind in Central Settlement. I worry about the guards who must be out looking for us already. I squeeze the handle of the knife, remembering the stabbing of Gabriel. I don’t feel any regret or remorse. It seems to me that back in the basement Gabriel gunned down part of me along with Amy. A part of me certainly died, yet something else inside me has been awakened. I feel like I’ve crossed some invisible line the moment I stabbed Gabriel. I felt so powerful and strong as I was watching him lying at my feet.
I touch the sharp blade of my trophy. The handle contains a few precious stones. An odd determination grows inside me. I know I’m not going to allow the guards to capture Tanya and myself without putting up a fight. Having killed once, I know I can do so again if need be.
I wake Tanya as the truck approaches our village. We jump out, hitting the ground hard, and hurriedly jog toward nearby piles of garbage. Once the vehicle is out of sight, we begin walking toward the village. It’s late at night so hopefully there won’t be any people meandering outside.
“Would you like to come to my house?” I offer, stopping several yards from the shacks. Tanya shakes her head no. We agree to meet before sunrise at the same place.
After Tanya leaves, I wait for a few minutes and start walking toward my shack. A feeling of unease
