The salad bar called her name and the woman behind the counter tossed romaine lettuce and eight other vegetable choices into a huge bowl then added strawberry vinaigrette to dress it. Merissa chose a roll and felt satisfied with her healthy choices. The male server brought her lemonade, and she downed the meal with new zest. She even dared to surmise that between this scrumptious meal and the revelations from the gospels, she was on the mend. The memory of Chad’s kiss had become a goal worth pursuing. She did not want to remain in this solitary state any longer. If she were the superstitious type she might even claim that Kyle’s ghost was pushing her to see this through to the end – once and for all.
Merissa remained low key all day, and no one bothered her. Everyone must have agreed, for both Amy and Skip side-stepped her and according to the few times she’d passed through the quiet area on one of her unchartered wanderings, Chad’s head was either buried in the computer screen or scribbling on a large sketch pad. Maybe he was catching up on work.
While the guests gathered in the formal dining room to try more great dishes, Merissa chose not to go that evening. If she saw a blackbird or anything that came close to the creature on her plate, she’d surely vomit. She settled for a hamburger and fries from the poolside pub and retired early.
Day Five of the cruise, before the sun peeked over the horizon, Merissa awoke with a jolt and felt the pull to return to that same rail where she’d shared the kiss with Chad. This was the spot she needed to end this torture for all of them. The first face that came into her mind upon awakening was Chads – not Kyle. She took that as a positive sign. Getting dressed in the tiny bathroom was an achievement worth celebrating, but not nearly as important as the one that urged her forward. No one moved in the hallway when she crept from her room, silent, so not to disturb Amy, if that were anywhere near a possibility. That girl would sleep through a twister.
The ship hummed while most of its passengers slept. Merissa walked with purpose toward her destination at the stern of the ship. She ran her hand along the rail and stopped at the exact spot where she’d stood with Chad. This was it. She hoped she had the courage to see it through.
Merissa slid the diamond off her finger where she’d worn it on her right hand for nearly a year. One last time she placed the engagement ring on her left ring finger. She twirled it and smiled. It was loose. She’d lost weight since Kyle’s death. In its reflection, she saw all the dreams they’d shared and even conjured up the face of her deceased fiancé. Merissa chuckled when her imagination seemed to include one of Kyle’s mischievous winks. He was always up to something when he looked at her that way. She envisioned a brief nod and witnessed him backing out of the picture in her mind. It faded, and then he was gone. She shook her head to clear the fog and looked up. Strange how the mind works when one’s focus directed toward a sole purpose. Saying goodbye. And now Kyle had made the first move. Her closure was a breath away, and all she had to do was say the words and leave.
A ball of yellow appeared on the horizon, spreading beautiful colors of warm reds and gold from each side. They reached outward like rays of hope into the open sky. A new day was dawning, and it was hers to claim. As sure as Merissa stood there, she knew God and Kyle had brought her to this moment in time. She removed the ring and forced a lingering tear back inside. Never should it spill upon this moment of freedom. Ending a relationship on a pre-planned honeymoon was not what either of them had imagined but life had taken them down a dark road.
Merissa debated throwing the diamond into the sea like she’d seen the old woman do with the precious gem on the remake of the Titanic movie. She’d lost her man at sea and had never forgotten her first love, even though she’d married and led a good life without him. Today, Merissa felt sure it would be the same for her. Another man would enter her world and sweep her away but never the same as the first. She’d changed in one year and survived innocence, death, and now life. But love would prevail – a deeply committed love with… she dared to think of Chad. Could he be the one, handpicked by Kyle himself? She recalled the wink and smiled. Absurd! Yet she was eager to believe it could be so, and suddenly she felt no fear or condemnation in exploring this new direction.
Merissa kissed the ring and held her face to the sky. “Goodbye, Kyle, my love. Rest in peace, for all is well on the home front.”
When she opened her eyes, the sun had risen, and she basked in the warmth. She felt compelled to move, not to linger in the past any longer. She put the ring in her small zippered purse and threw it in the bag. Someday she would know what to do with it, but until then it would remain a memory of what could have been, but was not.
Merissa walked onto the sundeck. Towels lined the chairs, placed there by early morning bathers who wanted to save a chair. Even though the deck
