The peace in my heart during a major change was new for me. With Josh’s injury and Harper’s birth, I was constantly defeated by fear of the unknown. I didn’t know much about Payton, but I knew I would figure it out. I had a peace beyond my own understanding that could have only come from God.
JOSH
You would think that after our first child I would be more prepared mentally for the second, but I wasn’t. I was really excited about baby number two. I had fully embraced the title of “girl dad,” and I was going to rock it. Paige’s second labor was so different from her first. She was calm, and we were updated every step of the way. Even when it was time to push, it just seemed like the room was still very peaceful. But when Payton Ruth entered the world, I started crying even more than I did when Harper was born.
All the emotions from the day Harper was born came flooding back. I already knew I could be a good dad, but I wanted to be a great dad. After everything that had happened between me and Paige, I kept thinking about the kind of man that I wanted those two little girls to marry. I obviously have high expectations for whoever marries my girls one day, and I wanted to be an example of that. I wanted to show them how a man should truly treat and love a woman, something I would spend the rest of my life trying to master.
I was an emotional wreck the first couple of days after Payton was born. Everything made me cry, from Harper meeting her sister for the first time to bringing her to our brand-new home. Harper was so excited to be a big sister. Everywhere Payton was, Harper wanted to be right there asking to hold her, snuggle with her, or touch her. She honestly thought that Payton was her own baby. Seeing them together made me so happy. I could just stare at them interacting with each other, but then the room would get really dusty all of a sudden, and I just couldn’t stop from tearing up!
CHAPTER NINETEENRENEWAL
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
—Exodus 14:14
PAIGE
G.B. and Nan got to meet Payton, and they lived to make her smile. I have several great pictures of her looking up at G.B. and laughing while he played with her in her car seat. After his stint in the hospital just before Payton was born, G.B. could not stay out of the hospital. He never felt well and had to be under constant supervision because he would need more help than he thought he did. He passed away on March 30, 2017. After watching Josh overcome his struggles and having to fight very hard to live, it was a strange feeling to have such a sense of relief when I knew my grandfather wasn’t struggling anymore. However, this left me to do one the hardest things I have ever done: explaining his death to my three-year-old. While some saw it as controversial, as a military spouse I vowed to never shield my children from death. Death is the only guarantee in this life, and I could not pretend it didn’t exist.
We went to a final family viewing in the funeral parlor with just Josh, Harper, and me. She asked why G.B. was sleeping, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I told her, “He’s not sleeping, baby.
G.B. died, and he’s going to go to heaven, and we’re not going to see him anymore.”
“We won’t get to see him?” Harper asked.
“No, baby, he will be in heaven with Jesus.” She put her head on my shoulder and began to cry. Josh and I began sobbing seeing our sweet child react like this. As painful as it was, I was thankful she understood and, like always, had such a calm demeanor that we knew came straight from God.
My sister and I delivered the eulogy alongside a few of G.B.’s friends. So many people credit G.B. with their careers, athletic accomplishments, and even their relationships with God. Saying goodbye to him was incredibly painful, but I was reminded of a verse that I included in my eulogy, Matthew 25:23: “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” My prayer for my own life is for that phrase to be said over me as I enter eternity with my Heavenly Father, just like it was with G.B. Beasley.
JOSH
The loss of G.B. was the loss of a great friend for me. There was no doubt he had always meant a lot to Paige, but he mentored me in both wisdom and humor when I joined the Army. He was the only veteran in Paige’s family, and I very much admired him for the self-made person he became. After G.B.’s funeral, we entered the first year of “consecutives” since 2012, with no major changes. In 2017, we lived in the same house, had the same number of children, and had the same jobs as we did in 2016. We were
