When I entered the library, everyone was situating by the big windows that overlooked the grassy school grounds. Miss Heather whispered something into the other teacher's ear, and I sat next to Felix at a table.
"I hope I can be your partner," he whispered.
"Alright," the teacher said in a voice that meant listen up. "My name is Miss Wendy. The assignment today will be a mystery equation. When you go outside. Look. There will be a large oak next to the sidewalk. Tell me how tall it is by using the technique we learned last semester. Leave your answer on my desk with your names at the top. I expect to see them by the end of day. Partners will now be chosen." Miss Wendy named people together and Sarah was one of the first to get pared with another girl named Becky. And later down the line it was Felix and a girl, Samantha. Now, my heart was sinking. Who would I be pared with? Someone I don't know? Would they make fun of me? Think I'm weird?
"LeAnna and David," she pared. That was the boy with braces. He stood and joined where I was standing.
"Go to your next class after you have the answer."
We walked out and because I didn't know the technique, my stomach tightened with anxiety.
"I'm really good at math," David said.
"I'm not so good," I mumbled.
"That's okay, I can figure it for us both." He eyed me. "So, what grade are you in? I didn't see you in my class."
"Well, I – it's sort of hard to explain."
"Hard to explain?"
"Yeah."
He was quiet and went to work when we spotted the trees. He wrote numbers on the paper. Watching him, made me wish I could do as good in math as him. But I knew I was a long way from getting there. This was just day one.
I looked over and saw Tom staring my way. He had a paper in his hand and next to him was Tina. I turned back to David.
"Alright," he said. "I got the answer."
That was quick, no one else had seemed to finish yet. The paper read twenty and one quarter feet tall. He wrote his name and then passed me the pen.
"But I didn't help."
"Doesn't matter." He placed the pen in my hand.
I wrote my name and he folded it and placed it in his book. "I'll put it on the desk for us."
I walked back into school and went to Miss Heather's office. And there, I spent the rest of my time until the clock made it to three-twenty.
"You've done great today. And I want you to keep at it. Take these home with you so you can study them when you need."
I left and followed the kids pushing down the hall. While passing, I glanced towards the library and saw Tom gathering his books at one of the tables.
Now was a good opportunity to talk to him. The rational me thought. I took a deep breath to gain my courage and stepped inside with my papers in my hands.
I didn't make much noise because I didn't want him to know I had come in yet. I watched. He was stacking a book on top of another book.
"Tom," I said.
He turned. "LeAnna."
"I, uh, notice you don't seem to be feeling too good."
"What really? You've noticed?" His words were sarcastic. Mean. Unfriendly. Bitter.
I glanced away.
"I'm sorry. It's just – "
"Yes, I know," I snapped. "I gave us a chance to be friends. But you had to ruin that."
"I didn't. Felix did." His voice was a pitch above normal. Louder than I liked.
"It's not his fault it's yours. And you should get a grip on your emotions."
"Just go back to your precious boyfriend and leave me alone."
"I will! And you don't have to give me permission."
I turned and stomped out of the room with my eyes watering. I knew it was a mistake. Talking to him. I rushed outside. Hurrying to meet the bus.
"LeAnna? What's wrong?" Sarah asked, probably seeing the tears that I attempted to wipe away before stepping on. I explained everything in whispers. She apologized. But I didn't need it from her. I needed Tom to quit and move on.
"Just know he's acting this way because he's hurt. And he's snappier because he hasn't been eating much the past couple of days.
Just then before the bus drove off, Tom climbed the stairs and sat in the back. I didn't look.
I sighed. "I guess I was too harsh," I whispered. And now another burden was weighing on me. I felt trapped. I didn't know what to do. I wanted Felix to know. I wanted Tom to be okay. But there wasn't anything I could do. At least not with starting something.
I said goodbye to Sarah when the bus stopped and walked the drive with Felix.
"How was it for you?"
"Good."
"Same for me."
He looked at me. And I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him more than anything.
But I knew I couldn’t.
Chapter 21
Reading Partners
Days later, I awoke on Friday and readied for school. It was October the first. And the wind was stiff, covering the atmosphere with a grey glare.
Felix and I waited for the bus with our books in our arms. In a few days, Miss Heather had already moved my grade up. She encouraged me. She told me good things. She said I was smart, intelligent, and that soon I would be joining my friends in regular classes.
When I stepped on the bus, I couldn’t help but see Tom in the back. He looked sick. Pale. Sleepless. And depressed. And it didn't surprise me when Felix whispered, "I'm going to talk to Tom. I don't know what's wrong with him."
I sat next to Sarah and we watched as Felix sat next to his friend.
"What's wrong man?" Felix asked.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
Seeing Tom made me feel weird. By weird, I mean sad. Sorry. Bad. The type of things I didn't think I would feel
