My heart fell. Good for Maddie? What about being good for Colorado?
“You throw your money around as if it’s water—”
“That’s not fair,” he said tiredly. “I don’t throw money around, I just like trying to make people’s lives easier.” He was hurt, I could tell, but some insane part of me craved an argument just so I could release all the tension inside me.
“You buy people off, trying to get people to like you, and you don’t need to do that because you’re a good guy and people like you anyway.”
“Jesus, say what you really think,” he muttered.
“Do you even have any money left?”
He rolled his eyes at that. “I’ve just put a huge chunk into a trust for Maddie and I can still buy you a house.” He wasn’t bragging, him having all the money in the world would mean nothing to him. “I’ll talk to Natalie—”
“No, you won’t. It’s insulting to just hand out money hand over fist to anyone and everyone. She won’t take it, I won’t take it, and we need to work our way through this as a family, get a place to live that is wholly ours.”
“What if I want to be your family as well,” Colorado murmured. “We have something here, a connection—”
“I can’t, I have goals—”
“Maddie would—”
“You’ll always be able to find another manny.” I tugged my hand free and stood, but he was just as fast and blocked me from leaving.
“I don’t want another manny, or another man in my life, or a woman, or whatever. I want you to think seriously about staying, all three of you.”
Part of me wanted it to be a real option for me and Colorado to be more, because he consumed my thoughts and made me want things I never imagined before, but the other bigger part of me knew that I had to be serious about putting my family first. I wanted more than being a manny, and if I couldn’t have something serious with Colorado, if this was the end of things, then we needed to find a place to start over. I refused to be just some convenient partner for sex, who also happened to be primary caregiver for his baby while he was on the road making music or playing hockey.
“It’s not going to happen.”
“What if we do it another way.” He held up his hands in front of him, “You won’t take my money or help, but at least set up a page for donations?”
“I don’t think so.”
He yanked me close. “You’re a prideful idiot,” he muttered against my neck.
“And you’re a wasteful one,” I said back, even though it broke my heart to say so. We stood in that close embrace where I buried my face in his neck and gripped his T-shirt for a long time. Who was I trying to kid by telling myself I could ever walk away unscathed from this job? In the short time I’d been here I’d fallen for Maddie, and I’d fallen for him, and it made no sense whatsoever. He’d come into my life, turned it upside down, shown me what romantic love could be like, and I was losing myself in him. If only he’d been an asshole, or a bad dad, or didn’t make me smile—then I’d be able to handle this slow break.
“Okay, I’ll stay out of it,” he said on a sigh. “But, the reason I came to find you? I need to get away, we’re going to my cabin. Just me and Maddie, and you, Simon is staying here with Natalie and Emma, but I need Maddie and me time.”
“I have to stay—”
“It’s contracted that you come with me,” he murmured, and kissed me, and sue my traitorous body, but whatever doubts and misgivings I had, and despite all the tension and stress I was holding inside, I leaned into him and kissed him back.
Fifteen
Colorado
Breakdown day did not make me smile, or even lift my spirits. The Tucson press were kind enough, but it was hard just the same. We all had to stand there in front of our empty cubicles and talk about next year and how we’d come so far but still had some kinks to work out of the system. Coach pulled us all in after the media left for a short but heartfelt talk.
“I know this loss has left us all feeling gutted, but instead of focusing on the loss, I want you all to concentrate on how far we’ve come in a short time. Remember just a few years ago we were reviled and spit upon? That’s not happening anymore.” He looked each of us in the eye as he spoke. You could see the pride in his gaze. “We’ve worked our asses off, faced obstacles and personal hurdles, and have come out stronger and wiser. Next season we will go all the way, because we have the drive, the skill, and the motherfucking courage.”
“Raptors!!” We all shouted then had a massive team high five. Coach shook each hand as we exited our now empty locker room. When I got to him, he grabbed my hand and gave it a hard shake.
“I’m so damn proud of you, Colorado. You’ve grown so much. Get a haircut before training camp.”
I snorted in amusement then did the hair flip that drove all the girls and guys wild. “I’ll do that, Coach.” I hugged him because I’m a hugger, then moved on, out into the blistering sun.
I ran over to my friends who were gathered round Vlad’s car. “Guys, hey, I’m heading to the desert for a week with just my baby girl and her manny so I’ll be a ghost on social media.”
“Wait, what? No party?” Henry asked.
“Nah, man, no parties. Not right off. I have some major life issues going
