“I never wanted that.”
“I don’t understand why.”
“Because I owe you now, and that makes the rest of it hard.”
He sighed and laced our fingers, tugging me closer so that we were sitting knee-to-knee. “I didn’t know Simon wanted to kiss your sister, but there’s something about the two of them together that makes me smile, and he’s a teddy bear and he could love her and Emma so hard. I mean, did you see the awesome camp he made Emma? He’s a good guy. Annoying, frustratingly up in my space, but a good guy, and don’t you think Natalie deserves to meet someone?”
My head hurt. If she had someone, then where did I fit into the family? The crazy scientist uncle who never quite fit into the world the same as normal people.
“What was the next question? Oh yeah, the big one. Why do I want you to stay?” He leaned in, and unbidden I copied the movement until he could press a soft kiss to my lips. The kiss deepened momentarily and then he pulled back. “Maddie loves you—”
I knew it. I attempted to yank my hands back but he gripped harder.
“And I love you,” he added.
“Wait. What? You do?”
“Yes, I do. You’ve come into our lives and changed everything, and when you stood up to me and told me you were rescuing my daughter from a gang life, I started to fall. Then the kisses, and the way you look at Maddie, and the love you have for your sister and Emma, and the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you, and the way we kiss.” He inhaled after the words ran into each other. “Not to mention how sexy you are, then how you can be so calm, and funny, and how you bring balance to the chaos in my life. I love you, and I want you next to me for the rest of my life.”
That was a lot to take in, and I had to work my way through it before I answered him. All the variables were there and all I needed to do was pull them together and then I’d have a working hypothesis that I could test. He loved me. Me. Not just because of Maddie. Not for convenience or sex, but because I added something to his life.
Just the same as him adding something to mine.
Life. Purpose. Family. Love.
“I think…” I couldn’t get the words out.
“You can’t stop at ‘I think’.” He smiled. “What do you think?”
“That you’re complicated and your life is chaos and mess, and that you have this way of looking at the world through hockey and music and your money that is directly opposite mine. You are funny, and generous, and happy, and I think I’m in love with you too.”
He grinned and wrestled me down to the bed, kissing me everywhere, pinning me under him and telling me over and over that he loved me.
And I felt loved.
When Maddie woke up, it was a little after three a.m. I slid out from under Colorado’s arm to see to her, but he was awake as well, and he held out his hands for her. Together, we fed her in silence, exchanging soft kisses, and then we cuddled together and Maddie was with us. Loving Colorado and making a commitment to him were two different things, but the concept of being a family with him and Maddie was intoxicating. I imagined a future where Natalie and Emma had Simon or someone like him, and I had Colorado and Maddie and we all lived happily ever after. It was a dream that I kept to myself because just saying the words might make everything disintegrate.
I checked my phone, but there were no more messages, and I expected that Natalie had gone to sleep, maybe with Simon, who knew. I sent her a heart, and a kiss, and then put my cell back onto the side table before rocking Maddie as I faced the window and stared out into the night. I felt an incredible peace, as if every part of the equation that was life had slipped into place.
“Talk to me,” Colorado whispered as he pressed a hand to my back. I cuddled into his hold, Maddie asleep in my arms.
“This is scary,” I admitted.
“No one said love was easy,” Colorado chuckled. “But you know, love is a good start, and we can work out the rest ourselves. Like, where will we get married? How long does it take to legally have you as guardian to Maddie, where do we live when we set up our own home, that kind of thing.”
“Huh?”
“No one said love was easy,” he began again.
I pressed my hand over his mouth. “I heard all that. You said the M-word.”
He kissed my hand, nibbled on the skin and sucked a mark, and I let him, because it gave me time to think. “I’m guessing you mean married and not Maddie?” he said when I moved my hand. “You’ll marry me one day, right? After you’ve forgiven me for helping Natalie and Emma, after you’ve finished your degree, when you have the job of your dreams? Before we have more kids. I can see us having six, or eight, maybe more in a huge house.”
“Us? Eight?” I asked faintly.
“Six then.”
“Six?”
“I don’t care if it’s just the two of us and Maddie, but I always wanted a big family with the person I ended up loving until the end of time.”
He was so serious that I kissed him over Maddie’s head. Then I placed her into the crib and shuffled back to sit next to him again. “How about three?”
