Sixteen
Joseph
We fell asleep curled around each other, Maddie in the travel crib, or at least Colorado fell asleep, his arm over me and his face pressed into my neck. How he could sleep I didn’t know, but there was no way I could move without waking him so, pinned to the bed, I stared out of the window and to the blackness beyond.
My cell lit up and I checked it immediately, message after message from Natalie that at first didn’t make sense because I was reading them backward. I scrolled up and started at the top.
Did you see this GoFundMe?
Where are you?
God, donations have just gone over one hundred thousand. Who did this? Was it Colorado? I told him we didn’t want charity.
Was it Colorado who donated all the money?
Didn’t you tell him we didn’t want his charity? It’s just gone up to 125, all the donations are anon, what the hell? Is this Colorado? Does Simon know about this? Do you know about this?
Call me!
Oh God, it’s not Simon, he said Colorado texted him and said he’d set it up. I don’t understand why he would have done that. I can’t believe this.
I tried to move Colorado’s arm, but he snuffled and gripped me, pressing a sleepy kiss to my arm and then falling back to sleep. Had he set up this page? I clicked the link and saw that the amounts, all donated anonymously, had pushed the total to one hundred and fifty-thousand dollars. The amounts donated were big, twenty here, thirty there, and one that was sixty. Colorado wasn’t donating, surely, after all he was here with me, pinning me to the bed. I went back to the texts.
Simon kissed me. I kissed him back. I think I might date him. He said that he likes me.
Call me Joseph. Shit, it’s over 200, did Colorado tell you what he’d done? I’ll kill him.
I can’t stop crying, and Simon won’t let go of me, he says that it’s okay. Is it okay? That I take this even though I was stupid?
I won’t kill Colorado okay, Simon explained that he’s a good guy, that he’s doing this because he’s sure that C is in love with you? Is he? Call me!
Colorado loved me? No, he probably loved the fact he could have sex and a manny all at the same time. I was confused because this was all new to me. The sex was off the charts, but the way he’d stared into my eyes after and told me that he was over the moon with me, left me unsure of what was happening. And now this charity page? Was that him? Was I angry because of what he’d done? I’d fallen for him so hard, but if he just wanted me to be there for Maddie, then wasn’t it best for me to leave? If I felt all this emotion but all he felt was lust and convenience, how did we get past this? I wanted to know how this would ever work, I wanted to fix things for Natalie and Emma. I wanted to get my degree. I wanted so much. I didn’t know where to start with this equation, because I was missing parts. Frustration built inside me as I attempted to fit everything together, and then in a flurry of movement I shoved Colorado off me and he snorted in his sleep and nearly fell off the other side.
“Wha?” he asked, and then scrambled to peek at Maddie, staring at the rise and fall of her chest before flopping back on the bed as if his strings had been cut. He’d woken from sleep and the first thought he’d had was that something was wrong with Maddie. She was everything to him, I couldn’t deny seeing the love he had for her.
I was jealous.
“Did you set up a page for donations for Natalie and Emma, and did you know that Simon has kissed my sister, and do you love me, and why do you want me to stay?” Everything spilled out of me. “And what was all that sex about? What does it mean to you?”
Colorado blinked at me, then crossed his legs lotus style and placed his hands on his knees. He looked as if he was trying to calm his thoughts, but that wasn’t giving me answers.
“Tell me!” I ordered, and shoved at him so hard he actually slipped backward into a heap on the floor, grumbling as he climbed back up but switching on the small side lamp as he did.
“Ouch,” he muttered.
“Well?”
“Okay, I admit I set up the donation page—”
“I said I didn’t want your money, I said I could look after them—”
“It’s not my money. I haven’t donated a single cent.” He held up his hands.
I focused on his innocent expression. Did I trust him? “Then who did?”
He shrugged, “I told the guys what happened and they helped out a bit, I guess.” I placed the phone between us on the fundraising page, which was showing two-twenty five, and he looked as startled as I was. “Oh.”
“Yes, oh. Then Simon is kissing my sister, and telling her it’s all okay, and that’s not my sister. We work hard to do right by Emma, and it was our fault that the house wasn’t insured.”
He shuffled forward and held out his hands, and waited. I only grasped them when it was clear he wasn’t saying anything until we were connected that way.
“I’m lucky,” he began softly. “I might not have a big family, or parents that were there for me, but I was gifted with hockey, and a grandmother who let me be me. My luck let me play hockey, and earn more money than I will ever spend myself. I want to go out and give it all away to
