“Yeah, that’s actually why I’m here, but I figured that wouldn’t get me in the door.”
“You know?”
“One look at Heath this morning and I think we all knew something was up. Wanna tell me what happened?”
“The short version? He overheard me telling you that I loved him, freaked out, told me love was bullshit, and I ran.”
“Why did you run? That’s not like you.”
“Because I was embarrassed. Do you know what it’s like to tell someone you love them and have them not return the sentiment?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “But I’m sure I’ve had a lot of people say it and not mean it. It’s a risk either way.”
“You know, I never thought about it before, but you’re like the bravest person I know. You jump from girlfriend to girlfriend—”
He groans.
“Let me finish.” I punch his leg. “You keep putting yourself out there no matter how many times it doesn’t work. Maybe it’s a little excessive, but definitely brave.”
He rubs at the back of his neck. “Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it.”
We fall silent and I lean my head on his shoulder. The alarm on his phone sounds and I sit straight.
“I gotta go,” he says. “Are you coming to the game?”
“I’m not sure. Probably.”
“It’s funny how even when you’re pissed, you can’t help but show up to support him.”
“It’s you I’m supporting.”
“Mhmmm.”
I roll my eyes.
“Are you gonna be okay?” He stops at the door and regards me seriously.
“Yeah, I will.” I blow out a breath. “I was perfectly happy with our fun, college fling until he found out I love him. Freaking love.”
He scrunches up his face. “And on that note, I’m out.” He opens the door and winks back at me. “Later, G.”
38
Heath
When we take the ice, I automatically look for Ginny in her usual seat. She’s not there and the knife in my gut twists.
Vermont is tough. They’ve got a freshman, Lex Vonne, who’s almost as fast as I am, and their defense is big and mean.
“I played against Vonne in high school,” Adam says. “He was just a skinny kid who could barely stay upright back then.”
We watched tape last weekend on Vermont and Jordan and Adam filled us in as best they could. All three of them are from Arizona, and Jordan went to high school with Vonne, playing together all four years. No one can believe the progress he’s made. It seems the New England air agrees with him because every game he just gets better.
“Yeah, well, looks like he’s improved. A lot.”
“No shit.” Adam laughs as we watch him warm up, looking steady and sharp.
The game matches our pace, a brutal intensity that’s exactly what I need tonight. Neither team scores in the first period. I’ve skated nearly half of those twenty minutes and I’m sucking air, but the burn of my lungs is nothing compared to the feeling I get when I glance at Ginny’s empty seat.
Coach gives us his usual quick and straightforward pep talk between periods. He’s not big on grand speeches, but his words are always effective.
Vermont’s goalie is one of the best in the country, not that we’re making it hard on him. We’re losing the puck before we can even do anything with it. I get a pass from Maverick and use some of my aggression on a mean slapshot. It’s wide and I swear I feel him grin underneath that fucking mask.
The second line comes in and I get a breather and a moment to collect myself.
“You good?” Mav asks.
“Good enough to finish this,” I grunt out. And then go find Ginny.
“Let’s go then.”
When we jump the boards it’s another minute of skating my ass off before Vermont scores and the Valley crowd groans their disapproval.
We go into the third period down by one. Like some sort of masochist, I continue to glance to the spot Ginny’s occupied at every home game. Every time I look is like another punch to the gut, but I can’t stop myself.
“Payne!” Coach calls from the bench. “Are you standing still out there?”
I skate like the pain doesn’t matter. I deke out a defenseman, pass to Jordan on the left side, and fly by two more players, just as he sends it back. I get a decent look at the net that’s denied. At least this one requires the goalie to use a little of that all-star athleticism, but the end result is the same—with Valley losing. A shutout in front of our home crowd.
After our loss, no one feels like going out and the guys and I head back to the apartment.
I take a seat on the couch with my phone in hand. I haven’t heard from Ginny and I don’t think it’s because her roommate didn’t give her the message. I tap out a bunch of texts but don’t send any of them.
Rauthruss is playing video games. “Wanna play?”
“Yeah.” I lift my hand and he tosses me a controller.
We play in silence for a few minutes.
“Can, uh, I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he says, not looking away from the screen.
“You and Carrie. How’d that come about?”
“We went to high school together.”
“Right, but I mean, how did you make it official?”
“She told me we were no longer seeing other people.”
“And that was it?”
He pauses the game and looks to me. “I probably said something real eloquent like ‘uhh okay.’ She was popular and I wasn’t. I’d have done anything she asked.”
Adam’s bedroom door opens, and he walks out and drops into the armchair and blows out a long, exaggerated breath.
Rauthruss looks to him. “Not going to Taryn’s?”
Adam waves a hand. “Nah, that’s over.”
“Another one bites the dust?” Rauthruss
