I passed over that, intriguing though it was. I had started this. I had to finish.
“But Ada is different,” I prompted.
“Very,” he agreed. “As soft as her sister is hard. As naive as Rahel is cynical. Sheltered, young. About your age, I suppose, though she seems much younger.”
I nodded. “They are keeping me in her room. I saw some of her things. This dress is hers.”
“Of course, I should have guessed. Just her sort of thing.”
Will fell silent a moment. I felt him thinking, arranging what he would say. I didn’t like that.
“What happened, Will?” I asked in a low voice.
He sighed again. “Nothing happened,” he said. “That’s why it is so hard to explain. Nothing happened, and yet everything resulted. Do you see?”
“No.”
“No, of course not. I suppose I should start at the beginning. I met the Graf here, in London,” he said. “His wife is a cousin of Queen Charlotte, so they keep a house here, attend the social season. He hired me, though my official contract didn’t begin until we went to Prussia. At the time I didn’t think much of that, though of course in hindsight I realize he waited so that I would be bound by the stricter Prussian laws.”
This was off course again, though I had to suppress an urge to scold him for being so careless. The Germans were famously harsh to failed alchemists. Prussia was the only place in Europe that still hanged them. Will must have been truly desperate for work to take it there.
“One night there was a ball, and Ada’s escort fell ill. They asked me to accompany her in his place.”
My heartbeat slowed and struggled, like the blood pumping through it had suddenly thickened to mercury.
“She is pretty,” I said.
“Oh, yes, she is pretty,” agreed Will. “And charming as well, for about a half an hour. After that she has used up all her conversation, and starts over again. It’s not her fault, of course. Not all seventeen-year-old girls can have your mind, or your education. But I couldn’t help comparing. I had left you so recently.”
“So you went to a ball with her,” I said. With every false start, every attempt to veer away from the destination of the story, my anxieties thickened.
“Yes,” he agreed. “And I … well … I tried to be an agreeable partner.”
I knew perfectly well what that meant. I could imagine his smile, the small jokes that assumed they understood each other. And if that was only a month after he left France, then he still would have looked like himself. Tall, slim but well built, beautiful blue eyes that crinkled when he laughed, finely molded features that glowed with health.
“And she fell in love with you,” I said. It was the obvious conclusion.
“I didn’t know until we were all settled in Germany,” said Will. “I got to work, I didn’t see her very much at first. But then she started coming by the outbuilding where I worked. She came in and asked questions—stupid questions, but of course they would be. She knew nothing of alchemy, despite the fact that her father had employed one alchemist or another almost all her life.”
He coughed again, and this time didn’t stop quickly. He pulled his arm from my shoulders and fumbled for his handkerchief. I winced at the violence, the horrible wet tearing sound of the cough. When he was finished, there was too much blood on the handkerchief to hide. He bent over, breathing hard. I wanted to tell him it was all right, that he didn’t have to go on. That I trusted him.
But I didn’t. Not completely. Not anymore.
“I didn’t know how to make her leave,” he said quietly. “I should have found some way. I should have known it would be trouble. But she was my patron’s daughter. I didn’t want to offend her. I tried to be polite.”
Unbidden, an image of Will flashing a dazzling smile at a pretty dark-haired girl came to my mind. I imagined him explaining patiently as she bent over a crucible in a low-necked gown like the one I wore now.
“In the end she … she threw herself at me. I turned her down as gently as I could, but … she didn’t take it well.”
There was a darkness behind his words. My heart sped up again.
“What did she do?”
“She became hysterical,” said Will. “She started threatening me, breaking things. In the end I had to send her out in no uncertain terms. I was harsh with her. I pushed her. I … I insulted her.”
Will bowed his head and chewed his lip.
“So.” I couldn’t stop myself. “So she went to Graf Ludwig. She told him—what?”
Will shook his head slowly. “No,” he said. “She tried to kill herself.”
I gasped. My skittering heart stopped. My hand flew to my throat, imagining a noose. “How?” I breathed.
“She filled a bath and cut her wrists,” Will continued. “When they found her, she was nearly dead. I don’t know if she told her father it was for my sake, or if he drew his own conclusions. But after that—”
“My God,” I whispered. “But why? Why would she do something so desperate, simply because you rejected her?”
“I don’t know!” he said. “I never imagined she would, or I would have been more careful! I wouldn’t have said some of the things I said. I was harsh, Bee. I don’t like to think about the things I said to her, now, knowing how hard she took them. I have to conclude that she isn’t quite right, isn’t healthy in her mind, but I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“But she lived?”
“She did,” he said. “I think. She was alive when I fled.”
“You mean you don’t know?”
I pulled away from him to stare at his face. He shook his head. He looked as miserable and guilty as I could have hoped. I thought of Rahel’s bubbling rage, and Valentin’s under his steely self-control. It made sense. Will’s story fit with what I
