I’m not even remotely sad that things didn’t work out with Joe, because the kind of love they’ve got gives me hope. My person is out there somewhere. And I’ve got a few more chances to find him.
Eventually, I summon the energy to leave and call Kate to tell her to make up a bed for me.
‘Cooper! Well, what’s the scores on the doors?’
‘The ex-boyfriends two, Carly Cooper nil.’
‘Sarah told me what happened with Nick. But what about Joe? The girls are running a sweepstake and my money was on him. You just cost me a tenner and a day at a health spa.’
‘It’s a long story, Kate. Dust down a bottle of your finest plonk and I’ll fill you in at the weekend. I’m going to stay a couple of nights and then head to Manchester. How are Jess and Basil?’
‘Well, his broken jaw healed in time for the latest Hello! edition. He and his wife are on six pages, explaining that it was all a huge misunderstanding and how it’s brought them even closer together.’
‘Shit, Jess must be spitting.’
‘She’s not chuffed.’
‘And what about Carol?’
‘George sent her a Tiffany cross to apologise, so she’s got over it all in record time.’
I laugh. That’s so Carol. There’s no wound that diamonds can’t heal.
‘I’ll see you on Sunday, Kate. Get the girls round too, the latest episode is priceless.’ Obviously Sarah wouldn’t be there because she was still in Glasgow, but we could phone her and fill her in on developments.
‘It can’t be too bad – you sound really happy.’
I glance over at Joe and Claus, lying cuddled up on the sofa, looking utterly contented. If nothing else, I tell myself again, it’s restored my faith in love.
‘I am happy. But I’m still a woman on a mission. Roll on number three.’
16
Don’t Look Back In Anger – Oasis
‘You are joking!’ Kate screams, crossing her legs to ensure that her hysteria doesn’t bring on pregnancy incontinence. Her bump is definitely starting to show.
We’re sitting in Kate’s dining room on a sunny Sunday morning. Once again, the aeroplane food on my flight from Amsterdam this morning looked like a botulism breeding experiment, so I’m devouring last night’s leftover apple crumble.
Bruce and the kids have been dispatched to the swimming baths to make room for Carol, Jess and Callum, who’s dropped in to say his goodbyes before catching a flight to the States. He’s going to do a three month stint as the face of the new Donna Karan range. He’s got a tough life, my brother. Looking at him, it’s hard to see the family resemblance. Callum is perfection and I still look like an exploding loo brush.
I’ve just got to the bit where Joe tells me he’s gay. Jess has gone pink, Carol looks like she needs a loo, and Kate’s yelling for a midwife. And I know they’re laughing at me, not with me, but I don’t blame them. My life is getting more like a bad sitcom every day.
‘Honestly,’ I continue, ‘they are so happy together. I’ve never seen a more contented couple.’
‘I think that one is a lost cause,’ Jess breathlessly states the obvious. ‘There’s still hope though. Although, you might want to do something with that hair because that isn’t winning anyone’s heart.’ They’re all laughing again.
I decide to buy a wig first thing on Monday morning.
Carol pipes up. ‘How is it that all the gorgeous, caring, sensitive, interesting men out there are gay? It’s a tragedy. No wonder there’re no men out there for us.’
Callum fires a wicker place mat in her direction. ‘Not all of them. Last time I checked I was decidedly heterosexual.’
‘You don’t count, you’re family,’ she replies. ‘And anyway, I like a bit of mystery in a man. You have zero mystery. None.’
That’ll be my brother put firmly in his place then. Callum’s petted lip reaches the floor. Jess gives him a cuddle.
‘Ignore her, Callum. She’s just pissed off because Clive cancelled her American Express card and George hasn’t given her a new one yet.’
Carol yelps with indignation, but I’m saved from her ire, because Jess gets us back on track. ‘So what’s next, Miss Desperado?’ I ignore the dig.
‘Doug. Last I heard he was in Manchester, so I’m going to head up there tomorrow.’
‘He’s not in Manchester. He’s here in London,’ Callum throws in.
I turn to him, astounded. ‘Since when is he in London? And how do you know?’
‘No idea when he came here – I lost touch with him when he moved to Manchester. But I met his mum last time I was home and she told me he runs a Mercedes garage in Wimbledon.’
I can’t believe it. All these years, he’s been twenty miles away and I didn’t know about it. I decide to put Callum up for adoption.
I suddenly get a good feeling. This one has started off so easy. I mean, no searching, no travelling, no fraudulent expenditure. This is too good to be true. And that can only mean one thing – it’s meant to be. I have an overwhelming feeling that Doug is going to be The One.
Next morning, I dress with care. If I’m going to be a potential purchaser of a Mercedes, then I have to look the part. I settle on a charcoal grey trouser suit, black boots and a silver blouse. Chic, but not over the top. After relentless begging, grovelling and promises of a lifetime of favours, Carol allows me to borrow her black Prada bag. I don’t know whether to wear it or frame it.
I call Joe
