He interrupts me a couple of times for clarification, but otherwise just listens for the two hours it takes to spill all the gory details.
‘Want me to leave now?’ I ask when I’m done.
He shakes his gorgeous bald head. Then smiles, almost sadly. ‘No. You see, in a fucked-up way I think it was meant to happen.’
That surprises me. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, after you left, I made huge changes in my life and they’ve worked out for me.’
‘Don’t tell me, you’re married with six kids and spend Saturdays coaching the school soccer team.’
He laughs. ‘Not quite, but you’re close.’
I encourage him to tell me his story. Bad move.
‘After you left, I waited for you to call or return. I was convinced you would come back. How could you not? I thought we’d been so happy. But when you didn’t, then I began to worry that something terrible had happened to you, so I came looking.’ He gives a derisive sneer. I deserve it. ‘And of course, I see you with…’
‘Doug,’ I offer, completely unnecessarily.
‘Yes, you were trying to remove his fillings with your tongue.’
Ouch.
‘So, I returned to Amsterdam and I worked. I lived every minute of the day in the clubs. I worked day and night and I partied. I never slept, drank too much and then I decided that I wanted to experiment a little, so I did.’
Oh, bollocks! He was a druggie! So that’s what René was avoiding telling me. I can’t speak.
He continues. ‘A year later, I met Claus and we opened a club together. We figured we’d capitalise on the growing gay scene and J.C’s Heaven has been full since the day we opened the doors.’ That didn’t seem like such a drastic change. Or had we not got to that bit yet?
‘And what about love? Don’t tell me there’s been nobody since me?’ Bloody hell – had I turned him celibate?
‘I’ve told you already.’
‘When?’ Had I missed something?
He looks puzzled. Not as puzzled as I do, though.
‘When I introduced Claus as my partner, he’s not just my business partner, Cooper, he’s my life partner. That’s what I meant by “experimenting”. I experimented on the gay scene and discovered I belong there.’
‘Oh.’
Holy fuck! I didn’t see that one coming. Astonishment sends a rush of blood to the brain and I feel a need to put my head between my knees. It takes me a couple of minutes to recover my power of thought and run it through my mind again. Joe is gay. My first reaction is that I’m pleased he has found a life that makes him happy, but there’s no getting away from the fact that this has blindsided me.
Had I ever suspected he was gay? No. In hindsight, were there any tell-tale signs? No. Do I want to cry because it means that I’m definitely no longer his type? Yes.
‘Tell me, Joe, were you seeing guys when we were together?’
‘How can you ask that? You know I was faithful to you. I’m not denying I’d been curious for a long time, but I didn’t act on it until I met Claus.’ He looks hurt and angry at my question.
I should have known better. Joe Cain is an honest man, he always was.
My voice mellows. ‘Are you happy?’
‘Very. What Claus and I have got is special.’
I reach over and touch his face. ‘Then I’m happy for you, Joe. I really am. I’m just sorry I hurt you and that things didn’t work out differently for us.’
‘Me too, Cooper.’
We sit in silence, holding hands, for a few moments.
‘So what are your plans now?’
I decide to tell him the rest of the story. The great ex-boyfriend manhunt. He thinks it’s hilarious.
‘Wait a minute, I was number two on the list? Can’t believe I wasn’t top,’ he teased.
‘I’m doing it in chronological order,’ I explain, giggling.
Laughter is making his eyes crinkle in that way I always adored. ‘Thank God, that would have been a crushing blow to my ego. Who is next then?’
‘That big blond you saw me molesting in Glasgow.’
He’s clutching his sides now. ‘Fantastic. I’d have been pissed off if you’d dumped me then rode off into the sunset with him. Anyway, he was more my type than yours.’
I hit him with a garlic bread crust.
‘Where does he live?’
‘Manchester. I guess I’ll head there next.’
‘Don’t leave yet, Carly. Amsterdam is beautiful this time of year. Have a bit of a holiday – you can stay with Claus and me.’
It’s an interesting offer. I could do with a couple of weeks in the sun. Some time to relax and chill out. More importantly, I want to rekindle a relationship with Joe. If I can’t have romance, then I’d really like friendship, and for him to be part of my life going forward.
‘Won’t Claus have a problem with that?’
‘Don’t worry about Claus, he’s a very secure guy. Besides, he knows that my clog is now firmly on the other foot.’
It’s a deal.
We return to J.C.’s Heaven and go up to the office. Claus looks relieved that we’re back. I go over and give him a kiss on the cheek.
‘Claus, since you’ve stolen my man, I think the least you can do is put me up for a couple of weeks and pamper me to death.’
He glances at Joe, who nods his head and then he smiles lazily.
‘Okay, but only as long as you have our dinner on the table every night and clean the bathroom.’
I think I’m going to like him.
I sigh. ‘What a waste. I’m in a room with two gorgeous men and they’ve only got eyes for each other. I think I’ll have to take up knitting.’
My two week stay stretches to three. Every morning, I make the guys breakfast, then we spend the days wandering through Vondelpark and up and down the canal banks.
