‘I now pronounce you man and wife. Callum, you may kiss your bride.’
But Carol beats him to it.
A high-decibel cheer, accompanied by whoops, whistles and stamping feet fills the room.
We finally prise them apart and they dance back down the aisle. I follow closely behind them and, as soon as we’re clear of the room, make a bolt for the nearest loo. I lunge into a cubicle, slam the door and sit on the closed lid.
I stay here for what seems like hours. I’m completely numb and thoughts are crashing around in my head. So what should I do? Should I marry Sam? Should I find out what Joe’s ‘big mistake’ is and hope that he’s come back for me? Should I go and find Tom and try to give our relationship another go? Should I punch Doug Cook in the mouth? And why are Nick and Phil here? And where can I find a black wig and glasses that will disguise me enough to get me out of this hotel without facing any of them? It’s official. My life sucks.
There’s a bang on the door.
‘Cooper, are you in there?’ It’s Jess.
‘No.’
‘Cooper, come on. You can’t stay in there all night. Okay, so I know it’s a bit claustrophobic in there, a bit crowded with guys who’ve played with your wobbly bits, but you have to come out sometime.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Yes, you do. C’mon, Carly, you’ve never shied away from anything in your life.’
Does she have a short memory?
‘Yes, I have. I’m a born coward.’
‘Look, Carly, just come out. Carol is looking for you for the photographs and if she has to come in here, she’ll take the door off its hinges. Don’t let her down.’
That does it. Reluctantly, I open the door.
Jess hands me a brush and a make-up bag. An ice pack and a brown paper bag would have been a better option.
The first face I see is Doug Cook’s. I swing round to avoid him, but he moves like Road Runner and is in front of me before I can escape.
‘I need to talk to you, Carly.’
‘Why? Want me to return the knives that you used to stab me in the back?’ Cutting.
He’s silent for a moment.
‘I deserved that. And more. Look, I wanted to say sorry. Me and Callum have sorted stuff out and he was good enough to invite me today. I’d like to sort things with you too. I know it won’t mean much to you, but I really am sorry. I was a complete prick.’
No arguments there. But then I haven’t exactly treated him well either. What’s the point? What’s the point of staying pissed off with someone for the rest of my life? Especially someone who is my brother’s mate.
‘Okay, Doug. Let’s just forget the whole thing; call it quits.’
He smiles.
‘Carly, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,’ says a voice from behind me.
Sam! I introduce him to Doug. Sam stares at him and then growls in his face. Subtle.
Doug runs for his life.
‘Sam, I need to talk to you.’
‘I know.’
‘I love you, but I can’t marry you. You were right; too much has happened. I’m so sorry.’
‘I know.’ He nods his head in resignation.
I look at him in surprise. Has he developed psychic powers?
‘I’ll always love you, Carly.’
I smile and kiss him.
‘Tell me,’ he asks, ‘do I still have to pretend to be your boyfriend? Only there’s a rich woman in there who owns some model agency. Says she’s on her own and looking for some company.’
I choke with laughter. ‘Go for it, Sam. Knock yourself out.’
There’s a tap on my shoulder.
Shit, who’s next? Why don’t they just form a fucking queue? If I had any emotions left, they’d be draining out of me and forming a puddle on the floor.
I turn to face Tom McCallum. Sandwich in one hand and a woman in the other.
‘Carly, thanks for inviting me. It’s been great seeing everyone again.’
I didn’t want to spoil the moment by explaining that I didn’t actually extend the invitation.
‘No problem, Tom. I was sorry to hear about your mum and dad.’
He looks surprised. Join the club.
‘How did you hear about them?’
‘It’s a long story.’ He clearly didn’t know we’d been to Ireland to look for him then. It was probably just as well. Who’s this?’ I ask, holding out my hand to the female by his side.
‘Shit, sorry, this is my wife, Ellen. Ellen, this is Carly Cooper.’
That explains the weight, good old home cooking.
She shakes my hand. ‘It’s good to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.’
Wish I could say the same – I’d have saved myself a bloody fortune.
‘It’s good to meet you too. I hope we’ll have a chance to chat later. Right now I have to go and have my photo taken. It’s been great seeing you both.’
I turn on my heel. I’d rather be having a kidney removed without anaesthetic than subjecting myself to much more of this. I head for the door – apparently the photographs are being taken in the garden outside – but Joe is blocking it.
‘Carly, I need to talk to you. Everything’s gone wrong with Claus and you’re the only person who’ll understand.’
Oh, yes. I am the oracle of all knowledge when it comes to life and relationships.
‘What’s wrong, Joe? What’s happened?’
He tells me that he and Claus are finished. Apparently, due to some temporary aberration of the brain, Joe had allowed himself to be chatted up and taken for a drink by a guy he’d met in the club. Just as he
