My eyes drop and I lean back into him, resting my cheek against his wide chest. “I hate that you saw that.”
“I hate that you had to go through any of that at all.”
We both fall silent and I listen to his soft breathing as he holds me. “Were you ever going to tell me?” I question, my voice shaky and terrified as I anticipate his answer.
Colton lets out a heavy breath. “I thought about telling you every single day, but the longer it went on, the harder it was. I kept tossing up my options. If I told you, I didn't want you scared that he was so close and I didn't want you to feel as though you had to take matters into your own hands like you did today. I wanted to protect you from that. But not telling you, I ran that risk that you were going to be pissed at me, but also terrified that he could come back for you. It was a lose/lose situation, Jade, so I went with the one that kept you protected. I can live with you hating me for keeping it from you, but I can't live with you hating yourself for something I could have prevented.”
I consider every last word before looking up and meeting his eyes. “I wanted to be so mad at you for keeping that from me. I wanted to put you in the same box as Nic and the boys, but it's not the same.”
Colton shakes his head. “No, it's not. Yes, I lied to you. I kept the truth from you and that makes me sick. I hate that I've had to keep something so big from you, but I needed to protect you. The Widows ... they lied to protect themselves.”
I nod, knowing all too well that he's right. The boys lied to me to protect their stupid gang. They didn't want any of the bullshit coming down on their shoulders. Kian didn't want the truth coming out about my connection to the Wolves, while Nic just wanted to keep me around for his own selfish needs. How am I ever supposed to trust them again? They didn't just lie about what happened, but they lied to me about who I am, and that's not something I can live with. They should have been upfront with me from the start and allowed me the option to make my own damn decisions.
Not wanting to linger on the boys, I stare at the wall over Colton's shoulder. “The clothes Jude was wearing ... they were the same ones he was wearing at the masquerade ball. You've had him down there for three weeks and that fact alone should scare the hell out of me, but after what I just did ... I can't find it in me to pull away from you.”
Colton holds me a little tighter. “I don't want you to, Jade. I want you right here. Please don't be afraid of me. I would never hurt you.”
“What happened ... after I left. Did you ...?”
“Kill him?” he questions, letting out a heavy breath. “No. I didn't kill him. As much as I wanted to and as much as he begged for it, I didn't. He'll live but he'll be living in a lot of pain for the next few days.”
“Why'd you do it?”
“Why'd I not kill him?”
“Why did you lock him down there? You could have handed him over to the police or to Nic.”
Colton shakes his head. “I've spent years with Jude by my side and I've watched him get away with atrocious things time and time again. He has no morals, no decent understanding of right and wrong. I watched as he stood back and tried to place blame on other people for things he's done. I've watched as he got out of rape charges and I've watched as his parents stood back and allowed him to destroy the poor girl who he hurt. His father is powerful and has many of the Bellevue Springs cops in his back pocket. Had Jude been taken to the police, he would have gotten away with it again and I wasn't about to let that happen to you. Nic would have shot him between the eyes and he wouldn't have suffered for what he did. I have stood by far too long. I know every awful thing he's ever done and I wasn't going to hand him over to Nic until I made sure that he paid for every little thing he did.”
“I’m assuming that what I did kinda tops this list?”
Colton presses his lips into a light line and nods before taking my face gently in both hands and tilting my head down to press a kiss to my forehead. “What can I say?” he says with a small shrug. “You’ve always been one for the dramatics.”
A tear rolls down my cheek and he instantly wipes it away. “You’re going to be okay, Ocean. Just stay away from the wine cellar and you won’t have to think about it. Just go about your day pretending he’s not down there. There’s no reason for you to beat yourself up over this.”
“He was defenseless, Colton. In heavy chains and already skin and bones, bruised, and beat up. I’m not going to be able to forget what I did any time soon.”
“In that case, revel in it. You kicked his ass while he was down. You took away his will just as he did to you. He drugged and raped you and took what he wanted. It’s called karma and when karma comes around with a face like yours, she’s a fucking bitch.”
I smile even though I shouldn’t. “I can get on board with that,” I murmur.
