A fond smile sets itself over Milo’s face and I find myself smiling right back. “You really do care about him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I think I do. I mean, it’s weird. This time last week, I would have laughed at the thought of me and Spencer hitting it off, but so much has changed. It’s insane.”
“You’re telling me. I was wracking my mind trying to figure out who the guy you were screwing behind the bleachers was for days and the answer was right under my nose the whole time? You know, I can honestly tell you that Spencer never entered my mind.”
“I know,” he laughs, “Which is why I told you about it in the first place. I knew that tiny snippet of information was going to drive you insane.”
“You’re such a bitch.”
“I know,” he grins. “Anyway, so he came over that night, and the more we talked, the closer we seemed to get. I didn’t even realize it until we were practically on top of each other. It’s almost like our bodies were drawing us together. We talked all night and before I knew it, the sun was up and he was shocked that we’d stayed up like that. He went to leave and I don’t even know what possessed me to do it but I just grabbed him and kissed him.”
“Wait,” I say, wide-eyed. “You kissed him?”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “I was shocked too. I’m all talk and no game. I didn't even know I had it in me to make the first move like that.”
“Well, shit. What did he do?”
“He pulled back and we both just kinda stared at each other in shock and then without warning, he kissed me back and since then … well, you know.”
“No way,” I laugh. “That’s insane. You guys literally just figured everything out in the space of a day while Colton and I were tiptoeing around the topic for months.”
“That’s true. You two were giving me whiplash for ages, but now that everything has calmed down, you guys can just focus on being together and being happy.”
My mind instantly takes me to all the bullshit with Nic and the Wolves which then reminds me of the goddamn bandage at the back of my neck. “Well, nearly everything has calmed,” I remind him.
“Yeah,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Were you ever planning on going down to the police station and making a statement about you being Jude’s other rape victim?”
“I mean … yeah, may—”
My bedroom door swings open with a bang and my mother gapes at me in horror. “Excuse me?” she breathes, staring at me as though I’m some kind of stranger.
My eyes go wide and Milo looks at me as though he’s about to be sick. “Mom, I …”
“What did he just say?” she demands, not taking her eyes from mine for even a second.
I sit up on the bed, feeling my heart begin to break as she realizes that I've kept this massive secret from her. “I …” I shake my head, not able to get the words freed from my throat, but nonetheless, I keep trying. “I … I…”
Milo peels himself off the bed from beside me and gives me a heavy stare. “I’m going to go and give you guys some space to talk,” he murmurs, not making any sudden movements as the tension in the air continues to rise. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Call me if you need me.”
I try to swallow over the lump in my throat and give Milo a small nod as he slips past my mom. He gives her a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that,” he whispers before moving past and slipping out of the pool house.
I’m left with my mother staring at me with her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. Not just for the fact that her baby girl was hurt and abused, but because I kept it from her. I kept one of the biggest secrets and I can only imagine the kinds of things that would be going through her mind. Betrayal, heartache, devastation. She probably fears that I don't think I could tell her something like that. She’s probably busy trying to convince herself that she’s failed as a mother when in reality, I just didn’t want her to feel the same hurt that I did. I wanted to spare her. She has such an innocent heart and I desperately wanted to keep it that way but all I’ve done was made it a million times worse.
A single tear streaks down her face and I see the very moment she breaks. “I’m your mom,” she whispers, her voice shaky and broken. “How could you not tell me?”
My own shame and fear come up and cripples me as the tears spring freely from my eyes for what I went through, what I've neglected to deal with, and for the fact that I've just betrayed my mother’s trust and broken her heart.
She deserved so much better than that.
She deserved the peace of mind to have been able to sit with me the morning after, holding me and telling me it was all going to be alright. She deserved the chance to be angry, the chance
