What really sucks though is not having Colton and feeling his fingers brush over my skin as he passes behind me, or having his sweet little nothings whispered in my ear, his touch, his kiss, his everything.
I hate that I miss him so damn much. He’s been blowing up my phone to the point that I blocked his number. Then he started hitting me up on my Facebook messenger, then my other social media accounts, and finally, he went with a good old fashioned email that read—
To: Oceania Munroe
From: Colton Carrington
Subject: Unblock me, Jade!
Stop fucking playing with me. Un-fucking-block me so I can hear your sweet voice bitching me out, then get your stubborn ass home so I can fuck you until the mattress breaks.
I didn’t almost agree to shove a fucking dildo up my ass for you to walk away now. You know me, Jade. You’ve always known what I was capable of. I know the company you keep and despite how they chose to live their lives, you’re okay with that. Deep down, you know you’re okay with this too. You’re not pissed about what I did, you’re fucking furious that I didn’t tell you about it.
I’m not a patient man, Jade. I want you home so we can talk this through and then I want to eat your pussy like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I know you’re not angry anymore. You’re just fucking stubborn and making me sweat it, but that’s okay, two can play that game.
I’ll be waiting for you, Ocean.
I think I read over his ridiculous email twenty times before finally shoving my phone back into my pocket. He's a dumbass if he thinks I’m just going to roll over and forget about this. He killed someone. He took a life and didn’t even bat an eyelash about it.
Am I okay with that? Truth be told; I don’t fucking know.
Colton might be onto something. I’m okay with what Nic and the boys do. I've known for years that they’re killers and it’s never pushed me away, so why am I giving Colton such a hard time for the same thing? Maybe I’ve been holding him on some kind of pedestal, thinking he was better than that, but that’s not fair. No one should be put on a pedestal as it only makes expectations that are impossible to reach.
Is that what I've been doing to Colton? He deserves better than that. He also deserves a girl who isn’t going to block him every time he tries to reach out to make things right.
Shit. I fucked up.
I was an emotional wreck from dealing with Mom’s hurt and instead of handling it like a normal person, I turned my back and ran.
What must he think? I kept walking away from him, too afraid to let him touch me but he would never hurt me and I know that with absolute certainty.
I let out a heavy breath and finish putting the dishes away. It’s time to go home.
The bathroom door opens and I turn around to face Nic as he pulls his shirt down over his body. I meet his eyes and give him a tight smile and in an instant, he knows. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re not leaving yet. I only just got you back.”
“Nic,” I sigh. “Bellevue Springs is my home now. It’s where I go to school, where my mom is, my friends, it’s where Colton is. I can’t just sit back here and pretend that I’m not neglecting all of that, and besides, after the bullshit that went down between me and Mom, it’s about time that I go back there and make it right.”
“I thought you and your mom sorted things out?”
“We did,” I tell him. “But it’s not the same as sitting down and talking it all through. She just found out that her baby was raped and hasn't had a chance to squish me in her arms yet. I know that’s got to be killing her.”
“Babe,” he says, walking around to the kitchen and standing right before me. “Just stay a little while longer. You can get that chick from school to email you the work you missed and I don’t know … Facetime with your mom or something. Just don’t go yet. It’s already halfway through the week. You might as well stay until the weekend and then I'll drive you back.”
“Nic … no. I need to go home.”
Nic steps into me, forcing me back against the counter. He braces his hands on either side, caging me in with his body. “Babe, come on. I just got you back.”
I look up and meet his eyes, knowing that I have to break his heart, only he doesn’t give me a chance when he takes my waist and lifts me onto the counter. He steps in between my legs and drops his hands to my thighs. “Haven’t things been nice the last few days? It’s been like old times, like the old you and me before everything got fucked up.”
“I know,” I whisper. “It’s been nice, but it’s not the same …”
“Just … wait. Wait here for two seconds.”
Nic takes off like a bat out of hell and I hear him fumbling around in his room, digging through drawers. He comes back less than thirty seconds later with a strange look on his face; a weird mix between nervous, excited, and shit-scared.
“What’s going on?” I question, studying him through a narrowed gaze as he makes his way back into the kitchen. “What did you get?”
“Listen,” he says, coming right back to where he was before. “You’re not going to like this but I need you to hear me
