“Okay, girl,” he says, glancing up over my head and spying the four boys who haven't stopped watching us, two of which I haven’t spoken to in weeks. His gaze drops to mine. “I’ll see you later. Call if you need anything.”
“Alright, love you,” I say, taking hold of the door and watching as he walks out, taking my final connection to that life with him. As he disappears down the hallway, I gently close the cheap wooden door and lean into it, resting my forehead against it and contemplating my next move.
Coming here wasn’t exactly a huge priority, but it’s a place I know that I can always come to, no matter what bullshit is going on between us. This place is my home, my real home.
I hear someone move from the couch and I don't dare turn around to see who it is. I’m not ready to face them yet. In a perfect world, I would have made them all suffer for a few more weeks or at least until Kai and Eli showed up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness. But being here right now in this small living room, I have no choice but to hear them out.
A hand falls to my waist and before I know it, I’m pulled away from the door and slammed against Nic’s hard chest. I breathe him in, finding comfort in his familiarity. And within seconds, emotions from my day and the emptiness from walking out on Colton come up and hit me like a freight train, bringing on another round of tears. “It’s okay, O. Cry it out,” he murmurs. “Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
The tears come on faster and realizing that the flood gates have been opened wide, he scoops me up and takes me over to the couch. I curl into him just as I’ve done a million times before and the boys quietly talk among themselves as I struggle to pull myself back together.
Sebastian’s hand finds mine and he gives it a warm squeeze. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
I feel Nic tense beneath me but I have absolutely nothing to hide from these guys, and fuck it, it’s about time Nic realized just how serious things are between me and Colton … assuming there still is a me and Colton.
I lift my head off Nic’s chest and meet Sebastian’s eyes. I’d never spoken the words out loud until tonight and I hate the way that I said them, but on some level, despite the manner in which I told him, I’m glad he knows.
“Yeah,” I finally say. “I am.”
I feel something inside of Nic break as he holds me, maybe that last piece of hope that he’s always been holding onto. I don’t know what it is but I feel it in the way he holds me. I never once told him that I was in love with him, even when we were together. Sure, I told all the boys that I loved them, but there’s a big difference between having love for someone and seeing them as the other half of your world. Colton is that for me and right now, I hate that I feel this way.
Sebastian gives me a sad smile. “If he’s really the one for you, you’ll figure out a way to move past this.”
I shake my head. “I don't know if I can. He killed a man. He’s a cold-blooded murderer.”
“So are we,” Nic grumbles, the vibrations from his chest loud against my ear.
“It’s different,” I tell him. “You guys have never hidden who you are. You’ve always been upfront with me, well … mostly. I knew you were Widows the day we met and you never allowed me to think that you were clean. I knew you had killed people and you never let me stray from that knowledge. Hell, you even protected me from it … until you didn’t,” I say, recalling the night I watched Nic slice a blade across the throats of the men responsible for killing his father. “Colton hid it. He wasn’t going to tell me. He had absolutely no intention of telling me. All this time, he could have said something or told me what he was … does. I thought he was a good guy.”
“He is a good guy,” Sebastian argues.
I shrug my shoulders. “What does that say about me? I only ever fall for toxic men who don't even flinch at the thought of taking a life.”
Nic’s hand rubs down my back. “It means that you’re stronger than the rest. You were built to handle more than what those other bitches could. Any other woman would have run straight to the cops after witnessing what you saw me do, but you didn’t. Even while hating me, you were loyal, just as you’re loyal to Colton. We’re the weak ones, Ocean. You’re the kind of woman we need to keep us from drowning.”
Eli grunts a sound of agreement but that’s all I hear from him, knowing I need a few minutes to calm down before I focus on the two who have stubbornly refused to apologize over the last few weeks, claiming that they’re trying to give me space.
Realizing that I’m not going to comment on his declaration, Nic pulls back and meets my eyes. “What else is going on?” he questions, narrowing his eyes at me. “It has to be more than finding out your boyfriend is just like the rest of us. It’s not as though finding out someone is a killer is something you’ve never experienced before. There has to be something more.”
My eyes drop, hating how he’s still able to read me so well. “Mom overheard that I was Jude’s other victim and it broke her. She’s not talking to me. I betrayed her trust by
