“I’m not showing you my tits, Willie.”
His shoulders slumped forward. “It was worth a try.”
But I did show my mom and Hayden in the bathroom.
Lily came downstairs. “I got the kids in bed. What’d I miss?”
“Arie showed us her tits. They look amazing.” Hayden kicked back on the couch and then cupped her chest. “I’m thinking of getting mine done now. But Casten’s more of an ass man, so he probably wouldn’t care.”
Mom dropped the spoons on the coffee table in front of us. “I don’t need to know that about my son.”
Hayden snorted, reaching for a spoon. “No, what you don’t need to know is that he has his dick pierced.” Mom’s eyes widened and Hayden laughed. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”
I don’t think Mom knew what to say. Hell, I didn’t either. “I can’t believe my baby boy has his penis pierced. Did it hurt?”
Hayden shrugged. “I have no idea. I know getting my clit did.”
Mom’s cheeks flushed. “I’d like to change the subject to something else. Anything but this.”
Willie grinned. “I’m so glad I came over.”
I glanced over at Willie. “Have you seen my husband?”
“No, but his truck is parked at the Pig Pit. So if he’s not there, his truck is having barbeque for the night.”
Awesome. I wasn’t sure what pissed me off more. Him not being here or the fact that he was eating barbeque without me.
IT WASN’T UNTIL after midnight when I began to panic that he wasn’t home. It was storming outside and I had all these visions of him crashing his truck. I called my dad. He left the restaurant around ten and Rager was still there. Casten left at eleven with Rager seated at the bar. I even called Rosa who was working and she said he left at closing. So midnight. Where had he gone from there? It was only a five-mile drive.
I tried to track his phone, but he’d turned it off. Probably because I kept calling him. Around three, I heard his truck in competition to the summer storm outside.
Making my way downstairs, I opened the front door to see him standing on the porch staring at the sky. He noticed me and sighed, his gaze lifting to mine. “What?”
“Where have you been?”
The sky rumbled, his eyes lazy and bloodshot, lightning dancing on the horizon. “Bar,” he explained. A slow exhale rose his chest as he watched the streaks scatter overhead.
Bolts of nervous energy shot through my veins. “With who?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to this, but I asked anyway.
At first, he didn’t reply. Maybe he wanted to lie, but we didn’t lie to one another. “Olivia was there.” Our eyes locked, his hiding, mine curious. Rager wouldn’t do this to me though. It wasn’t in him to cheat on me. He was the most loyal man I had ever met besides my father. I knew that, but still, it didn’t stop me from wondering. Loneliness had a way of playing tricks on you.
I bit my lip nervously, staring at my hands. “Just you guys?” And then I looked up, waiting on his words.
“I went there alone.” He swallowed, hard, eyes unblinking. “She showed up later and I let her buy me a fucking beer.” His harshness tore at my heart. “Don’t make it out to be something that it’s not.”
Though I knew Rager would never, ever, do that, your mind could play tricks on you. I didn’t want to believe either one of them would go there, but maybe with alcohol courage and sadness… I didn’t know. I couldn’t even justify what my mind was thinking, let alone Rager doing that to me.
“And you left alone?” Sadness lingered in my words, like an aftertaste of betrayal. Rager wouldn’t. He couldn’t, right?
“Jesus Christ.” His jaw clenched, emotion he’d held down deep surfacing. “Yes.”
“And?” Accelerated beats in my chest shivered up my spine, the anticipation almost too much to bear. Confusion tainted my thoughts like dust on a shelf, floating through my mind like the tiny bits of paranoia I tried so hard to escape.
“And now I’m here.” He sounded defeated. It was hard to watch someone struggle, deflect accusations only to have them thrown back in your face. My heart pleaded with him to speak, but in truth, I didn’t nor would I ever understand what he was going through.
Lightning ripped through the sky. “Are you telling me the truth?”
Right then, the moment he finally let his guard down, a flash through the sky lit the night. He dropped to his knees in the backyard. That was when I finally saw it. I was witnessing what that night in Williams Grove had done to my now cold and restless husband.
It had destroyed him.
“I’m fucking telling you the goddamn truth!” he screamed back at me, his breathing harsh, mine stopping all together. “Why the fuck would I lie to you about this of all things?”
He was burning, so bright I feared the light would go out. And then what? What would be left of my husband then? This sport, one he loved, had taken something from him. Some people had a passion for racing. Others, it was their life and if you said to them, “it’s over; you can’t get back in that car,” well, their life might as well have been over as far as they were concerned.
Since the accident, Rager feared that car and what it’d done to him and the lives of those he cared about. He feared the unknown. This doubt, that wasn’t Rager and me. We weren’t these people. We were a passion. We were a half-lidded glance from across the pits, dirt clinging to our skin. We were a long sigh when the weight of words wouldn’t let up. We were insecurities that collapsed in the heat of the night, foreheads slowly touching and the shaking of our bodies in the quiet, bringing lips closer together until quivering skin followed.
Together, I
