I hear the front door open. The hallway is suddenly full of laughter and the excited squeal of children’s voices. I stare down at the message again, feeling some unpleasant emotion I can’t quite define.
I’m about to hit delete, but before I can, Daphne’s five-year-old nephews come barrelling down the corridor towards me.
‘Hey, you two! Merry Christmas!’
I slip the phone back into my pocket and bend down to hug them.
After lunch, we all stagger back through to the living room, drowsy from too much turkey and wine.
So far, the day has gone pretty much perfectly, apart from my making a slight hash of carving and having to be rescued midway through by Daff’s dad. I think her family are just as surprised by my sudden buoyancy as she is; the last few times I’ve seen them, I’ve been typically downbeat. And the weird thing is, I’m not even having to try. I just feel good: totally positive about life for the first time in forever.
Every so often, Alice’s message pops into my head, but I make a concerted effort to chuck it straight back out again. I’ve told myself to just ignore it. I’ve cancelled the date, that’s the important thing. Now it’s time to forget about Alice and focus on Daphne.
We all settle down in the living room to watch the carpet become a multicoloured sea of wrapping paper as Charlie and Fred tear their way through their presents.
Kat and Joe are slumped on the sofa next to me, while Daff sits with her mum and dad on the other one. Charlie and Fred have just uncovered our gifts to them – a pair of matching Nerf Zombie Strike FlipFury Blasters – and are scrambling to load them with foam bullets.
‘These are BRILLIANT!’ shouts Fred.
‘I bet you can’t hit me,’ I say, and their eyes light up as they start chasing me round the room, firing wildly.
I’m hit again and again and I dramatically flop to the ground to a backdrop of excited shrieks. The boys pile on top of me, and Daff’s mum, Clio, laughs.
‘You’re so good with them, Ben. Isn’t he good, Daphne?’
‘Yes, Mum.’ Daff sighs obediently, and we both exchange a grin. Clio, being Greek, is hilariously blunt. Within minutes of stepping through the door, she’s usually asking when Daphne and I are going to give her some more grandchildren. To be honest, I’m surprised she hasn’t broached the subject yet today.
Kat giggles as the twins continue to maul me on the carpet. ‘Seriously, though, Ben, if you want to take them for a couple of days, please be our guest. We could do with a break.’
‘Amen to that,’ says Joe.
Clio clicks her tongue. ‘Take yours? They should have some of their own!’
Everyone cracks up, and Daff’s dad chuckles and shakes his head. ‘Clio, honestly.’
This has been their dynamic as long as I’ve known them: Clio says crazy, forthright things and Michael (being English) feigns embarrassment on her behalf. It sounds weird, but it works. For some reason, they complement each other perfectly, and they’re clearly still head over heels in love. I suddenly wish Mum was here too, to complete this family Christmas. She always got on brilliantly with Daphne’s parents.
Clio thumps the sofa arm, refusing to be deterred. ‘I’m serious!’ she cries. ‘When are you two going to give Charlie and Fred a little cousin?’
‘All right, Mum, maybe leave it for today?’ Daff says with a smile.
Clio flaps her hand in a vague gesture of comedic frustration, and the twins take this as a cue to launch a new assault on me. Under heavy fire from Nerf ammo, I scramble up from the floor. ‘Right, you two, see if you can catch me!’
I leap over the sofa and sprint out into the corridor, the sound of little footsteps thundering behind me.
The three of us pile into the kitchen, where the twins unload their entire foam arsenal into my chest. I fall to the ground clutching my stomach as they leap on top of me.
‘AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!’ Fred screams.
‘In a minute!’ I plead. ‘Don’t you guys want pudding?’
‘YES!’ they cry at the same time.
I load up bowls with ice cream and strawberries, and we take them back through to the living room.
Charlie barges the door open with the announcement: ‘Ice cream!’ But no one reacts. It feels like everyone has stopped talking the moment we enter, and there’s a strange, stilted silence in the room.
‘Ben. What is this?’
Daff stands up and comes towards me. Her eyes are glistening and her jaw is set tightly, like she’s trying hard not to cry. I feel a sharp sting of panic in my chest. She’s holding something in her hand. My phone. I pat my empty pocket instinctively. It must have slipped out while I was rolling around under Nerf fire.
‘Ice cream!’ Charlie shouts again, holding a bowl up to Daphne. Kat pulls him gently towards her. ‘Not now, sweetheart.’
Her whole family is looking at me now, frowns plastered across their faces. My heart is thudding in my chest and my neck suddenly feels boiling hot.
‘What’s going on?’ I say, even though, deep down, I think I know.
Daff says nothing. She just hands me my phone.
There on the screen is my entire message chain with Alice.
At the bottom, there’s a new picture message, sent one minute ago. It shows the two of us in the
