“I should have seen this coming,” I mutter, falling down onto the couch and pulling my knees up so I can wrap my arms around them.
“I guess so. She just wanted to make all of this as easy on you as possible.”
“Did they give you a date?”
“They said they could do Wednesday. I’ve held it for you, but you need to ring and confirm.”
A sob rips up my throat.
“Shit, what’s wrong? It doesn’t have to be Wednesday if you don’t want.”
“It’s-it’s not that. I just…” I suck in a shaky breath. “I have no idea if I’m relieved or disappointed that she’s done all this.”
“Why would you be disappointed?”
“It would have given me something to think about,” I admit.
“I think you’ve got enough on your plate right now, don’t you? Be grateful.”
“But what am I meant to do between now and then?”
“Sleep. Book a doctor’s appointment, maybe. Talk to Corey,” she suggests, making my stomach somersault.
How the hell am I meant to even broach the subject of my pregnancy with him?
“Everything will be fine,” Bailey says with a smile on her face and an optimism that I don’t feel.
Our chinese arrives, and I eat some of it before I make my excuses and head up to bed.
I love Bailey, I know she’s just trying to make all of this easier right now, but I need to be alone.
It’s late, or at least I think it is, seeing as my room is in darkness, when the doorbell rings again.
Praying it’s just another flower delivery, I roll over and curl myself up in a ball.
Their voices filter up to me. I know who it is immediately. I’d recognize his deep rumble anywhere, but I make no effort to move.
I’m mentally drained and physically exhausted. I don’t have it in me to deal with what he’ll want to talk about… what I need to tell him.
Light footsteps climb the stairs, and I breathe a sigh of relief that Bailey’s not just sent him up.
She cracks my door open. It squeaks slightly like it usually does, but I don’t move. I don’t so much as flinch as I attempt to make it look like I’m sleeping.
After a few seconds, she backs out of the room and descends the stairs once again. Knowing she’s explaining to him that I’m sleeping guts me. Tears burn my eyes and my body trembles with my sobs.
This is too much. It’s all just too much.
Other than having no choice but to speak to the funeral directors and the venue for the wake, the next three days all just blur into one. I sleep, I cry, I throw up, I eat, and mostly I throw up again. Every day the doorbell rings, and every day I hide in my room. Whether it be Corey’s daily visit that Bailey insists on telling me about the second she’s closed the door behind him, or her parents or Rylee, I refuse to talk to any of them.
I just want to be in my own little bubble where I can imagine that things are all still normal, all the while knowing that they’re not.
The funeral is this afternoon, so whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to leave this room and face the world so I can say goodbye to someone else who shouldn’t have left me so soon.
“Good morning,” Bailey sings, storming into my room and dragging the curtains open. They haven’t been like that in a while, and the sun from the outside world burns my eyes.
“Hey, stop that,” I complain.
“Harlow,” she sighs. “I’ve let you hide and wallow. Today it stops. Today you reenter the world again. People want to see you. They need to see with their own eyes that you’re okay.”
Guilt twists my insides that I’m making people worry about me.
“Do you think he’s going to be there?” Having to face him while trying to deal with the service is my biggest fear right now. I’m not sure I need my two disastrous worlds blending together into one. Each alone is hard enough to deal with, I don’t need them joining forces.
“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”
“He didn’t say? B, he’s been here every day, how has that not come up?”
She shrugs. “We just didn’t talk about that.”
“So what did you talk about?” I know not all of his visits have been quick ones where he’s stayed on the other side of the door. I know she’s invited him in, in the hope I’d come down and face up to my issues.
“You,” she admits, hesitantly. “He’s worried about you. So am I. So is everyone. I know this is hard right now, and the added stress of…” She nods toward my stomach like I need the reminder. “But you really should talk to him. Hear him out.”
“One thing at a time. Did I smell toast?”
“You did. Here.” She passes me the tray she’d abandoned on the dresser.
Sitting myself up, I accept it and immediately shove a piece of toast in my mouth in the hope that it’ll help keep any sickness at bay.
Bailey watches me for a beat, before turning to my closet.
“Have you already chosen what you’re wearing today?”
“Nope. Probably the first thing I find.”
“Don’t be like that. Your aunt specifically said she wanted everyone in bright colors. I know it’s hard, but she wants you to celebrate her today. And to be honest, she was kinda epic, so I think she deserves you to pull out all the stops.”
I roll my eyes. My aunt planning the entire funeral for me might have been a surprise, but her desire to ditch the black for today had been in the plans for a long time.
“What about this?”
I risk a glance up. “No.”
“What? Why? It’s so pretty.”
I sigh. “Just no.”
She huffs and puts it back in before rummaging around again.
“B, it’s okay. I can find something.”
“Okay,” she says holding her hands up and backing away from my closet.
“You’ve got
