Each winter, Grandma Goldie sends me a crisp ten-dollar bill, plus a red-and-gold hongbao for Chinese New Year. I haven’t decided what to spend that money on yet. Plus, I still have the emergency twenty and another fifteen dollars Mom gave me specially for today.
I pull out the twenty and catch Mrs. Lubeck’s eye.
She waves it away. “This is my treat. I’m glad Hayden’s made a friend so soon after our move.”
“Mom,” Hayden groans, cheeks turning pink.
Mrs. Lubeck just smiles and passes us both an admission ticket.
We enter under an arch carved into the plant-dragon’s side. Mattie, Elliot, and Mrs. Lubeck turn down a path. Hayden and I trail a few feet behind.
“Momma!” Mattie waves his arms. Mrs. Lubeck leans down and he whispers something to her.
She straightens. “Quick detour before the puppet theater.”
As she leads us down another road, I look at Hayden, who shrugs. “He probably needs the bathroom. Mattie has to go, like, every five minutes for some reason.”
The rest area comes into view. Mattie makes a dash toward the boys’ bathroom on one side of the building, while Hayden follows Elliot. He hesitates at the entrance.
“It’s okay, Hayden,” Mrs. Lubeck calls. “You can go in. I’ll meet you boys outside when we’re finished.”
I hesitate, too, as I stare at signs I’ve seen thousands of times before. Signs I never thought twice about—until now.
In front of me, there’s a bathroom for boys, another for girls. I stand in the middle, eyes darting from one to the other, with no clue which one to use.
Chapter Sixteen
“Are you coming?” Hayden glances back at me.
I need to decide fast.
Looking down, I kick at some loose gravel in a sudden surge of anger. Why does everything have to be a choice between one thing or another?
It would confuse everyone if I entered the girls’ bathroom. Plus, the boys’ room will probably have a stall, but I don’t know for sure—I’ve never used it before. I’m frozen in place, unable to move in either direction.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’ll wait for you out here.”
Once everyone’s finished, we return to the main path, and my anger turns into frustration. Hayden’s already made the choice to use a boy name and pronouns. For me, it doesn’t feel that simple.
Mattie and Elliot take off at a run, following signs toward the puppet theater. Brightly colored structures line the road on either side of us. I spot an old woman peeking out of a huge shoe-shaped house, then a small carousel called the Wonder-Go-Round.
“Mattie! Ell! Slow down.” Mrs. Lubeck sighs, then turns back to us. “I have a hunch you’re not going to want to sit through the puppet show, correct?”
We both nod.
“I figured. You two can feel free to do your own thing, as long as you promise to stay inside the park. Meet us back by the theater in about half an hour.”
She takes off down the path, in pursuit of Mattie and Elliot.
“Let’s find a map,” Hayden suggests. “I think I saw one near the entrance.”
It’s quieter without the rest of his family around. Now would be a perfect time to tell Hayden my real name.
Before I can say a word, he points toward a big wooden board. “Found it!”
We stand in front of the map for a few silent seconds. A million ways to say what needs to be said run through my head. Too bad my mouth’s gone completely dry.
“Want to check out the”—rising to his toes, Hayden reads off the small print in the upper corner of the map—“Jolly Trolly?”
“Sure.” The word comes out high and squeaky, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Looks like it’s on the other side of the park, so maybe we can find another ride before we get there.”
We follow the signs and before long, we come across a statue of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland standing in front of a tunnel.
Hayden and I glance at each other. We enter together.
Light floods the tunnel from both ends, highlighting artwork on the walls. I recognize scenes from Alice’s adventures, like the door she tried to chase the rabbit through once she arrived in Wonderland. Beside it, there’s a tiny bottle that says Drink Me. Hayden points out a painted biscuit marked Eat Me.
We head farther in, past a wall of flowers beside a window cutout. It’s fenced off, but we can still peek through to the outside world.
“Sorry if this is boring.” Hayden’s eyes drift to the playing cards painted on the tunnel’s ceiling. “Mattie and Elliot like the same things, which means I almost always get outvoted.”
“What about Cyn?”
Hayden shrugs. “She used to have my back when we were younger. Now that she’s almost done with high school, she spends more time on her own doing whatever, you know?”
I don’t. Tamar and Eli don’t really do much together, either.
We press up against the wall to let a group of kids pass.
Why is it so hard to switch subjects and get this over with?
Hayden glances back at me. Heart hammering, I catch up to him. Now or never.
“So, I need to tell you—”
“Do you have any—”
We both stop mid-sentence, waiting for the other to finish. I open my mouth at the same time that Hayden repeats the first two words of his question.
His laughter bounces off the tunnel walls. “You first.”
I shake my head with a sheepish grin.
“You sure?” I give him a stiff nod. “Okay. I was just wondering if you have any brothers or sisters.”
Relief replaces my jitters. “It’s just me and Mom. My best friend, Tamar, is almost like a sister, though. We both skate and hang out a ton, plus our families go to temple together.”
Hayden nods, encouraging me to continue.
“I have some friends through my homeschool program, too, but it’s all online. Most of them don’t live in San Francisco.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s
