“He is. Thank you.”
“How did he cope with his father passing?” he asked.
“He was sad, of course, he was upset but… I told you about Russell. It wasn’t just me he ignored, it was his son too. He spent almost no time with him. I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t like I could force him to parent his son.”
“Sadly, I get it,” he said. He was ignored as a kid too but for a different reason than my son was. “I don’t know how any man could have a kid like that and not want to spend any time with him. See him grow up. Love him.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Wonderful. It wasn’t enough that I was working myself into a lather trying to figure out how to exchange the watch for cash again. No, I had to think about how my son’s biological father would have given him the love and attention that he deserved and needed growing up. How my staying quiet had meant my son had spent his most formative years thinking an absentee drunkard was his dad. I blinked back tears.
“Yeah. I tried but I couldn’t change him. He wasn’t in the marriage from the start. Why would that change when a baby showed up?”
“He deserves better too. Your son, I mean. Russell, no offense, is better off where he is right now.”
I agreed. It bothered me that I didn't feel as bad about Russell passing as maybe I should have. We were together for five years. It was a bad five years and he ignored me for most of it, but I developed an unhealthy enough attachment to stay the whole time. When he passed, there should have been more of a difference than when he was still around for me, so I never really had to mourn him.
“I didn't really care that he did it to me but doing it to the boy was completely unnecessary and cruel, no matter what he felt about me.”
“How was he around his son? Did things ever get out of hand?”
I turned my body slightly so Niall was totally out of my field of vision. “Sorry but I’d rather not spend any more time talking about Russell.”
“Sorry for crossing any lines.”
Talking about Russell wasn't the issue. He was interested in Russell, but he was interested in Riley too and I couldn't say more about Riley than had already been said. I didn't know how much I could reveal about him without getting to the fact that Niall was his real father.
We sat in silence for a while as the countryside morphed slowly into the city and the roads became steadily more congested. My mind that had been constantly churning had finally landed on a possible yet flimsy plan.
“Hey, since we're in London and it's going to be a little while before I come back again, I was thinking that maybe I could get some shopping done. Would that be ok with you?”
“That's no problem at all. Did you want to do that before or after handling the watch?”
“Before, I think it's going to take much less time than the shopping.”
“Where did you want to go?” he asked.
A mall was my best bet. There was one close to the pawnbroker’s where I sold the watch. After parking, we headed inside. I usually liked being back in London since life on the estate got lonely but I couldn’t enjoy it this time. We walked through the mall, me trying to make myself look like I actually intended to spend some money. I directed him to a boutique that I had been to before. Their price range was one I used to be able to afford but not so much anymore. I chose it because it was smaller and less crowded than the high street shops. I was betting on him getting bored looking at the racks of blouses and dresses and asking to leave while I finished up.
I picked a random rack and started flicking through the clothes, painfully aware of Niall behind me. Two separate shop attendants came and asked us whether we needed any assistance and I had to turn them both away, unwilling to waste their time when I had no intention of helping either earn a commission today. Niall hovered at my shoulder, silent and patient. My god, was it infuriating. I needed him to get bored and leave. I pulled a random dress off the rack.
“Is there any way I can get this in my size?” I asked an attendant.
“Definitely. I’ll take that for you. You can make your way to the change rooms,” she said. I turned to Niall and tried to look apologetic.
“Will you be okay waiting?” I asked. He shrugged, looking totally nonplussed.
“Take your time.”
“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”
“I don’t mind.”
I trudged over to the change rooms and closed the door. Perfect. He was patient and accommodating when I wanted him to be impatient and irritable. I never thought the day would come when I complained that a man was behaving gentlemanly towards me. The shop attendant came and handed me the dress. I felt sorry for wasting her time but the situation was dire.
“Excuse me,” I said, before she left. “The man I walked in with? Could you send him in here?” She said it was no problem. I looked around the room and sat down on the little bench. Shortly, I heard activity outside, then a knock on the door.
“Everything alright, Eddy?”
I shot up. “Everything’s fine. I just wanted to ask, could you get us some coffees while I’m here? We can meet when I’m done.”
“Oh, sure. No problem.”
He left. I waited a few minutes, and then I rushed out, apologizing to the attendant that I wasn’t going to get the dress after all. I practically ran out of the mall, down the road to
