“Nope.” The response was quick, just like all of Asa’s conversations were now: flat, ingenuine and no thrill of trying to read between the lines.
Wyatt sighed and was about to say something when his expression suddenly brightened and he grinned at Asa. “Wanna go get ice cream?”
And despite himself, Asa’s lips curved into a smile. “Ditch the party? Hayden and Lyra would kill us.”
Wyatt’s grin only seemed to widen. “That’s the icing on the cake for you.”
Asa laughed, before stopping suddenly and shooting Wyatt a confused smile. “Wait, what’s the cake then?”
“The privilege of my presence, obviously.”
Asa snorted, lifting his hand to slap the back of Wyatt’s head before shaking with silent, affectionate laughter, and then they were sneaking out of Lyra’s house, climbing into Asa’s truck and driving down the rainy streets.
Once they’d found a good enough ice cream parlour, Asa and Wyatt walked back out, each carrying a waffle cone that had three layers of ice cream, all in different flavours of their own pickings.
Wyatt got into the driver’s seat this time around, telling Asa he should just enjoy the object of his obsession without being bothered to keep an eye on the road at the same time.
Asa laughed, his first genuinely carefree and unrepressed laugh in what felt like forever, but got into the passenger seat nevertheless, because he indeed would rather enjoy his treat than be distracted with the task of driving.
Conversation flowed easily between them, and then the topic switched to swimming and the upcoming meet.
“Coach is going crazy, man.” Wyatt chuckled. “He’s driving us insane too.”
“Well, obviously.” Asa sighed contently, too engrossed in the ice cream to be thinking of anything else. “It’s his last year at the school, isn’t it? He’s retiring after our batch graduates.”
“I know,” Wyatt muttered. “I don’t want to let him down either. Now that you and Carson are officially off the participants list, he’s been on my back every single day.”
There was that bittersweet throbbing in his chest again at the reminder of what he lost, but Asa also felt an odd sense of peace at the fact that it wasn’t eating away at him the way it initially had.
“Don’t worry about it,” Asa said, shooting Wyatt a look and then knitting his brows together. “You know, I may not be able to take part in it but I can help you.”
Wyatt’s face lit up with that megawatt grin of his. “Yeah? That’d be perfect, man. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it...” The words died in Asa’s throat, and whatever feeling of content he’d just been experiencing—any ounce of bliss he’d just had—faded away and left a trail of coldness in its wake. Wyatt had turned into a street that would get them away from any traffic, and Asa recognised it as the one that Carmen and he had walked along to get to the parking lot from the self-service ice cream parlour on the night of their date.
Asa’s eyes searched desperately for a particular lamppost amongst the row of them dotting the sidewalk and there it was. There it was.
The lamppost that kept flickering on and off over and over again (unlike the other ones that operated perfectly), emitting a sort of buzzing noise each time the bulb went off and came back on.
The lamppost that he’d kissed Carmen under.
And then his eyes trailed down the path, and he could see it now: the moment from their night materialising right in front of his eyes like he’d been standing from the outside back then and watching it happen instead of taking part in it himself.
There they were—Carmen and Asa—with their arms wound around each other, sharing quick kisses as they tried to get to his truck without tripping over each other’s feet and stumbling to the ground.
He could hear it now: her giggles dissolving into his light chuckles and then the sound was gone, getting carried away with the wind, never to come back again.
The ice cream turned to sand in Asa’s mouth, and just like that, the hollow feeling in his chest returned.
•••
“Something happened today,” Carmen told Gloria during one of their sessions with a bounce in her knee, feeling sort of accomplished about what had happened.
Gloria’s smile widened, seeming to pick up on Carmen’s good mood. “Yeah?”
Carmen nodded, feeling at ease with herself after the many weeks she’d sat on this very couch, in this very room. “I, uh, well, there’s this girl—her name’s Joyce. I’ve known her since sophomore year but every time she’s tried reaching out, I just shut her down, you know. Her birthday invitations, sleepovers or just an afternoon of hanging out.”
“And you accepted it this time?”
“No.” Carmen’s lips twitched and then a smile broke out on her face. “I made the offer this time. I asked her if she would like to go watch a movie or something.”
“That’s great, Carmen.” Gloria nodded approvingly. “Really great.”
Carmen smiled softly, then looked down at her hands. “She’s, she’s nice. A good person, I suppose. I think she was surprised I was making the first move to actually be more than peers, to be something like friends.”
“You’re making an effort, that’s what counts.”
Carmen merely shrugged in response, humming softly.
“Carmen?” Gloria’s voice broke the brief spell of silence that’d fallen over them.
“Yeah?”
“Why do you fidget so much with that necklace you wear? I’ve noticed you always reach for it when you’re anxious or uncomfortable.”
Carmen didn’t respond, not right away at least. She didn’t think anyone would actually ask her that.
“Um,” she began, and then paused to collect her thoughts. “It belonged to my mother. It—it reminds me to hold on. That no matter how bad things
