Kyler loves Maddy
I hit play. The first song was Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard. His haunting voice interlaced with the longing of a man and a woman who want each other but can’t really manage to say exactly the words that will connect them, before building a relationship and finding true connection with each other, finding peace. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol started playing. I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me, listening to the lyrics of longing, need, forgiveness and passion. I went to the next song. Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. A sweet song that still had some sad undertones. I couldn’t help thinking how appropriate it was for this whole situation. The tears drenched my face and fell down with sorrow, regret, and most of all anger. I was so angry that this was happening. But I knew it would be better for Kyler to hate me for being the girl that broke his heart than to find out that he fell in love with his predator's biological child.
“Sweetie,” my mom said, as she gently knocked on my bedroom door. I turned to look at her and she rushed towards me. “Maddy, what’s wrong?”
“I broke up with Kyler,” I said, almost crawling into my mother’s arms. I longed to be small again, where the only thing that I needed to feel better was her arms wrapped around me, and a gentle peck on my head.
“I didn’t even know you and Kyler were a thing,” my mom said, holding me and swaying us back and forth, the motion calming me. “He’s got some demons, that one.”
“Mom, is Pierce Black my father?” I blurted while wiping at my tears.
My mom pulled back from me, holding her arms out so she could see my face. Then one lonely tear fell down her face. “No, honey, Michael Evans is your father. But you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Pierce Black. I’m sorry, Maddy; I never wanted you to find out. I never wanted to come back here, I wanted to leave it all behind me but then Monica offered me this job. I thought the money and the opportunities it would bring you would be worth the risk. But I was wrong, it's not worth it.”
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry that any of this happened to you,” I said, throwing my arms around her. “I am so sorry you had to be reminded of him--of that night--my entire life.”
“So, for eighteen years,” she said, wiping away my tears, “you were born of love. You were wanted, and you were loved. Not one day did I ever look at you and think anything other than that’s my daughter and I love her more than my own life. Nothing that man did was your fault.” She pulled back so we were face to face, so I could look into her eyes and she could look into mine. “You know that, right?” she asked, and as much as I wanted to say I knew, I still felt that pang of guilt. So I did the one thing I could, I threw my arms around her.
“I love you, Mom.”
“So, what happened between you and Kyler?” she whispered in my ear, and her hand gently soothed my hair back, something she had done my whole life.
“The past happened. I can’t change the past.”
“Oh, sweetie, you can’t change anything in life. The only thing you can control is yourself and your actions. What others do or have done are no reflection of the person you are, my love.”
“I’m scared, Mom.”
“One thing I know, anything in life worth having should scare you.” She kissed the top of my head, “I’m heading to the Sinclairs. I think you should join me.” And with that, my mom left my room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Chapter 30
“To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.” ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
Madison
“Mom, I don’t think I can do this.” I breathed, just as we stepped over the threshold of the big house, Monica’s cheery face ducking out from the dining room and welcoming us with a smile and a wave.
“Come in, come in, Edward is joining us tonight, aren’t we the luckiest?”
I stepped around the corner, my eyes first falling on the patriarch of the Sinclair family, before casting to Kyler’s rigid frame across the table from him. I wanted to melt into the floor and die. He looked so sad. A part of me felt horrible that I was the cause of it, but I also knew this was a mess I couldn’t fix even if I tried.
“Good evening, ladies.” Edward lifted a glass of amber liquid, before sipping it again. “Sorry I haven’t caught many of these family dinners, important work keeps me away, but it sure seems like all of you have kept yourselves occupied around here.” Monica patted his shoulder once, before dutifully pouring a little more of whatever he was drinking from a crystal carafe on the table.
“We’ve missed you wildly.” Monica settled herself at his side, an unusually enthusiastic smile on her face. Was she really so excited to have her husband for dinner? Something about her actions felt hollow and contrived.
“Missed you like a hole in the head,” Kyler grunted.
“Kyler, stop that,” Monica hushed, fear tracking between her son and her husband.
“No, I won't stop that. Not anymore, I’m so fucking sick of living in this big fake house with all these fake feelings. Everything about this family is fake bullshit and I won’t swallow it and smile like a good little boy.”
”Kyler.” Edward’s eyes flashed with anger. “I’m warning you.”
“Fuck your warnings.” Kyler shot from his chair,
