She placed her lips by my ear then and whispered soft and sweet, like the caress of a warm summer’s breeze. “I don’t run from little boys who like playing at being tough men. I walk away.” Then she turned and left me sitting there, looking the fool, alone by the pool.
7
“I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.” ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Madison
I stormed away from Kyler Sinclair, not because he was an insufferable ass, which he was, but I ran because I had strange feelings about the whole exchange with him. His words were sharp knives that he hurled at me without a single thought. His mouse reference was so completely annoying in every single way. I wasn’t a fucking mouse; I was so far from it. My hands formed into fists as his taunting words replayed in my head.
Look at her clothes. Where do you shop? Target?
What the fuck was wrong with Target? The majority of Americans shopped at Target. I’m so sorry, Lord Sinclair, that I wasn’t lucky enough to be born into the elite one-percent.
What the fuck had I ever done to him?
You were born into the middle class. That’s what.
Kyler Sinclair wasn’t the first jerk to have ever crossed my path, but he was the first one who seemed to go out of his way to be mean to me. I didn’t know why he was so cruel. He didn’t even know me. It was as if at our first meeting he’d decided to make my life a living hell.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next year, forced to go head-to-head with him, maybe even on a daily basis. Usually people ignored me, I was nice enough that I never rubbed anyone the wrong way, and I was so plain that I never piqued anyone's interest. Most high school boys weren’t interested in a girl with extra pounds who wore no makeup and barely spoke. I blended into their beige walls, completely boring and plain, and I liked it that way. It kept things simple and sane.
I noticed early that when people went off kilter, they consumed themselves with other things like parties and boys, and I really didn’t have time for that. I had a plan, I was going to graduate and then go off to law school. My plan was to work with victims of abuse. It was important work. It was fulfilling work. It was something that made my parents proud. I still remembered my dad’s face when I told him. I wasn’t more than thirteen, and had just come back from my first Take Back the Night walk. I was so inspired and angry.
Listening to those women telling their stories, so brave and tall, hearing their pain and their need to take that pain and turn it into justice, was life changing for me.
I wanted those who dared to hurt innocent people to pay. I wanted to help the fight, I wanted to help make a difference. When my mother and I finally came home, the first thing I did was sit her and my father down on our old, tattered brown leather couch, their eyes curious and waiting for me to break the big news. When I finally told them my plan, my mom cried and my father hugged me and told me that I was a light in the darkness.
My dad was always so supportive; when he died, it felt like I’d lost my best friend and my biggest supporter. He always told me to be brave, to be honest and true, both to myself and to those around me. Maybe it was that lesson that made me pity Kyler. Here this boy had everything anyone could want, and he was too busy throwing it away or ruining it.
When I finally reached the entry of the main house, I realized I’d left my book by the pool. An unreasonable rush of annoyance hit me. I was looking forward to reading it and I wasn’t going to let an idiotic asshole keep me from doing what I wanted. I turned around, my own pride and need for justice driving me. It wasn’t just my sense of right and wrong--it was also a sense of curiosity.
When I returned to the pool, I was relieved that Kyler wasn’t there anymore. I picked up the copy of Crime and Punishment and opened the book, noticing that there was something new written in it.
“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”
A quote taken directly from the book. A quote that has become truer than it ever was before.
8
He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” -Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Kyler
Three weeks went by and I hadn't seen or heard from the little mouse since the night by the pool. I found myself searching for her everywhere, the manor, outside waiting, hoping to get a glimpse of her. I even searched the halls of the Academy, not really understanding why I was suddenly so agitated that she just seemed to disappear on me. I always thought I was good at making myself scarce, but she was a master. I even went to dinner every night at the main house, hoping that my mother would invite her new charity case and daughter to feast with the masters, but not only did they not show up, my mother didn’t even convey any stories of them. A few times I almost asked about them but then decided against it. It would have opened a new conversation, and the last
