I hit the button and clasp my throat. Well it's done now.
I feel sick.
◆◆◆
I don't know how the hell I even get to sleep that night. But somehow, I do and I grab my phone as soon as my alarm sounds the next morning, checking for a text from Michael. Nothing.
"Shit." I sit up in bed and begin gnawing at my thumb nail. His silence is unnerving. He must have gotten my paper by now. Oh my God, I told my teacher in not so many words that I wanted him to take my virginity!
Moaning, I roll out of bed and hurry to take my shower and do my hair. I dress in some more casual wear, torn jeans and another sweatshirt, pinning my hair up with a few tendrils framing my face.
When I get downstairs Mom and Ethan are already gone. They have a builder's conference in Atlanta and will be gone for two days. Marvy. Telling me in advance would have been kind of nice.
Sighing, I pick up the envelope of cash Mom left for me. There's about five hundred dollars there but I'm to pay Manny $80 for cleaning the pool.
Crap. Manny. With everyone going on with Michael I'd forgotten about his kiss. And then Ryan. And Kim. If I go to school today, I'll have to deal with each one of them. My stomach is rolling and I feel sick. I can't do this. I can't walk into that building knowing that so many unknowns will be coming for me today.
So, I'm ditching school. Fuck it.
I plug the coffee maker in and run upstairs to change into some comfy lounge wear.
◆◆◆
After I change into my favorite sweat pants and white tank top I message Mom in Atlanta that I'm not feeling well so she won't be caught off guard when the school emails her later. Our school has this stupid attendance thing where they tattle on kids who are absent via text and email. But the jokes on them, since my mom doesn't ever actually care when I ditch. Probably because I hardly ever do it.
I get myself a bag of BBQ Fritos and a Diet Coke and settle on the couch to watch day time TV. Which seriously sucks. God, how do people watch this crap? I scan the channels past day time talk shows, game shows and sewing shows, till I finally find an old black and white channel which is playing old timey reruns.
Then my phone starts buzzing. First, it's Mom, who asks how I am and tells me to make myself some soup. Then it's Kim, asking if I'm hiding from her because I'm a loser. I block Kim and go on to my next text, which is from Ryan. I smile at his. He's sent a Sponge-Bob meme, asking if I want go jelly-fishing once I feel better? God, he's so cute.
I push away the guilt I feel about Ryan. I haven't seen him since dumping Patrick. I really need to talk to him, to see where his head is at. Because my head is firmly on Michael right now. It's not fair to Ryan to string him along like I did with Patrick.
On TV "The Andy Griffith Show" comes on. It's goofy as shit, but sort of funny. I crunch on my Fritos as my phone continues buzzing.
A 'tetchy' text from Patrick. "You need to get your shit out of my truck or I'm burning it."
Jerk. I have no idea what I have in his truck, but if he thinks I'm going anywhere near him or his crappy vehicle he's crazy! I block him too and wonder if I'll hear from Michael. Why is he being silent? I must have really pissed him off with that paper. I just wish he'd talk to me.
Finally, after a while longer I decide I'll text him first. Maybe that's what he's waiting for.
I'm not sure what to say really and I know he's teaching right now so he won't even be able to look at my message for a while. But I type it anyway and hit send.
"My mom and step dad are gone for two days. Which means I'm home alone."
Then I suddenly remember Manny is due to come by to clean the pool.
"Fuckety fuck!" I mutter. I grab my phone and text Michael again.
"But only come at night. After dark. If you decide to come over that is."
I wince and put my thumbnail back to my mouth. I sound horribly desperate. He's going to think I'm some kind of freak. But there's nothing I can do now. The texts have been sent and the ball is now in his court.
Chapter Ten
It's eleven p.m. and Michael has not texted back. I can't believe I propositioned my English Lit teacher. There is disturbed and then there is me.
Ethan doesn't keep the liquor cabinet locked which is super convenient for me right now. I go into his den and grab a bottle of Scotch and pour myself a glass. I've never had Scotch. It just seems like a good choice when you want to drown your feelings in alcohol.
I take a tentative sniff and make a face. But I drink anyway and immediately start gagging. Shit! Why would anyone drink this stuff?
I put the Scotch back into the cabinet and take the glass to the kitchen. I'm rinsing my mouth out with water to get rid of the taste when the doorbell rings.
I freeze. Oh my God. It's him. It has to be him. And my hair isn't brushed, my eyes are red from crying and I'm in fucking sweats!
I grab my phone and shoot him a text.
"Is that you at the door?"
While I'm waiting for a response I dash upstairs to my room and grab a clean sweatshirt. There's no time for a bra and my sweat pants are at least clean so I'll leave those on.
My phone
