That's when I remember my scar. I yank the bottom of my sweatshirt down and hold it against my thighs.
"Can we just leave this on? Please? I'm...shy."
Michael looks down at me for a long moment then gently moves my hands away.
"Don't be ashamed of your body, Taryn. You're beautiful." He slides his hand up my stomach and smiles when he realizes I'm not wearing a bra. He cups my small breast and pinches the nipple gently.
"Not all of me," I whisper.
His hands trail over to my other breast and come to my scar. He can feel it and he pauses, running his fingers down the length.
"Please..." My eyes tear up and he leans down to kiss me softly on the lips.
"You're beautiful, Taryn. So, you have a scar, who doesn't?"
I hesitate, then lay my hands to my sides in silent acquiescence. I close my eyes as Michael pulls the sweatshirt over my head revealing my deformity.
For a moment there is silence, then Michael speaks. "Open your eyes, Taryn."
I look back at him. He's not laughing, he's not looking disgusted. He smiles and bends his head over my chest, kissing the scar lightly then running his lips over to my breast, taking my nipple into his mouth and gently sucking.
I cradle his head, running my fingers through his hair. I hope every time is like this.
◆◆◆
It hurts. A lot.
I knew it probably would but not this much. And it's not like I'm not ready for him because by God I am! Michael is obviously an expert at this and he gets me to the very edge of losing my mind before putting on the condom and slowly easing himself into me.
I pull back and push against his chest with my hands, whimpering. "Ow!"
Michael stops his face concerned. "It's okay, Taryn. It only hurts the first time. And condoms don't help. Just try to relax."
I try but every time he tries to push further into me, I tighten up.
This sucks. Kim and Pam both told me the first few times weren't great, but I thought with Michael it would be different.
Loosen up, you dummy! I shout at myself. Despite the pain I raise my hips higher and pull Michael back to me with my thighs.
He groans softly and closes his eyes. "God, Taryn, I can't keep pulling back, you're driving me crazy! You're so damn tight!"
I close my eyes and brace myself. "Just do it." I tell him through clenched teeth. "Just do it, Michael."
Now that I've given him full permission, he wastes no time in thrusting himself into me and I bury my face in the throw pillow to keep from crying out in pain. Michael seems beyond able to control his lust now, and he plunges into me over and over until what seems like ages later, he cries out a wordless exclamation and I feel him shudder against me.
Thank Jesus it's over!
I'm numb and sore and it burns. I peek down as Michael sits back and peels off the condom, tying it in a knot. I don't see any blood, which is good.
"You got any tissues? Or maybe you want to shower?" He holds up the condom, full of his cum. "Probably want to wrap this in paper towel or something before you throw it away."
What I want, is for him to leave. I'm a tangled knot of feelings as I sit up and slide my panties back on. I want him. But I don't want him. It's cool but kind of gross at the same time.
Michael sits quietly beside me and rubs my bare back.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry if I hurt you. It does get better, I promise."
I finally risk a glance up at him. "It hurt."
He nods. "Yeah. So I've been told. Next time will be better."
I clutch my sweatshirt to my chest. "There'll be a next time?"
He hugs me to his chest and kisses the top of my head. "Only if you want there to be."
Do I?
I nod against his lightly haired chest. I do want it. Without the pain of course.
Michael stays with me that night. We sleep naked together on the rec room couch and in the morning when we wake, we try again.
And it is better.
Much, much, better.
Chapter Eleven
"You can't tell anyone."
I roll my eyes at Michael. We're in the backseat of his car, parked in the woods on a deserted back road. Our clothes our still messed up and we're trying to catch our breath.
"Yes, you've mentioned that," I tease. "Like 2,000 times!"
It's dark so I can't really make out his face but I can feel his scowl. This is the third time since that first day that we've been together, always in his car, parked in some backwoods place where no one can see us. Every time he says the same thing, he's so paranoid.
"It's not funny, Taryn!" He is testy. In fact, he seems testier every time we're together now. It makes me sad because I don't want him to feel that way when he's with me. When we're texting at night before I go to sleep, he's not like that at all. He's so sweet and caring and we talk about the future. Michael says once I graduate and go to college we won't have to hide anymore. We can go public with our relationship and no one can do a thing.
I sit up and squirm back into my jeans. "I know." I lean up to kiss him and he gives me a distracted peck on the cheek. "I would never tell anyone, Michael. Why would you even think that?"
He finishes dressing and leans back in the seat. "Because I know how silly teenage girls can be. How irresponsible. Like when they invite their teacher to have sex with them." He jumps from the back seat and stalks around the car to the front, sliding behind the wheel.
I sit where I am for a long
