I hoped my story would help her realise she wasn't on her own in this and that we would do anything to help her, as long as she abides by our way of life. I could see she was in deep thought, so I left her to ponder for a bit and see how she would react.
CHAPTER 15
I felt happy Zack had opened up to me about his past. Sad as it was for him and his sister, for me he did the right thing telling their story as it helped me come to terms with what I was going through. At least my mum had been there for me when I was little, and she dealt with my abnormality the only way she could have whilst still supporting me. My heart bled for the abandoned twins and could hear the pain in Zack's voice when he talked about his mother.
It also made me understand his relationship with Markus and Laura a bit better. They saved them from a fate worse than death, being locked away forever, never understood and alone. The authorities would have certainly split the twins up and that alone probably would have destroyed them emotionally. No wonder he treated his carers with such respect and deference.
Deeply sunk into my own thoughts, I'd been silent, and hoped Zack didn't interpret this as dismissing his story. I decided I needed to take his advice and talk to him about my wholly inappropriate response to Zaphire coming into the room. It would be the only way for him to help me control these ridiculous outbursts. And I still had trouble being near him too!
“Zack?”
I wasn't quite sure how to start, but he was ready for me. His eyes instantly looked at me expectantly. I had to work hard to ignore my arousal.
“I'm sorry, I still can't look at you without wanting to jump on you. And why did I react so strongly to Zaphire?”
I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.
“I can't seem to help it.”
“Yet." Zack interjected.
“You will be able to control theses urges. They won't go away, but you will feel in control of them. Not the other way around. It's hard work to start with, but it'll become easier. What you need to do now, is decide on a word, a colour, or even better, an object you can visualise that evokes a feeling of calm for you.”
That wasn't too difficult. I immediately thought of the sea. Remembering all those times I had been sitting on the beach staring out over the sea, feeling utterly relaxed. Watching the waves and Kas surfing elegantly on them. Even just thinking of it now calmed me down and so I told Zack, apart from the Kas part. I didn't think he would appreciate that.
“That's brilliant," he said enthusiastically.
“Very strong imagery for you to focus on when you need to. As soon as one of your senses is starting to overwhelm you, and this can happen very quickly remember, your mind is going to focus on the sea. Then slowly you let in the feeling, smell, sound or whatever it was that was too much. So, you're not ignoring your senses but giving yourself more time to figure them out, without acting impulsively. You can use the waves as a visual aid to let some in wave after wave. Not all at once. Does that make any sense to you?”
“Yeah, I think it does." I admitted hesitantly.
It kind of did actually. Although I doubted I could put it in practise. I could feel his eyes bore into me.
“Okay, well that's good."
He sounded encouraging.
“Let's try something then. Are you happy to give it a go?”
“Sure, what shall I practise on?”
I don't know what I expected but I certainly wasn't expecting to be thrown into the deep end. But of course that was exactly what Zack had in mind. Really, I should have known. I could feel him moving closer into me. My heart immediately started beating a little louder. My body was still reacting to his presence, even though I could not stop thinking about Zaphire. I hadn't worked out what that was all about. Not only had I never fallen in love with a girl before, I didn't know Zaphire at all! I had just caught a glimpse of her, so it must just be a weird chemical reaction due to my heightened senses. I tried to dismiss it as just that. Though I had noticed Zack hadn't answered my question as to why I reacted so much to Zaphire's presence. He'd ignored it.
Zack brought me back to the task in hand.
“Right Eliza, I want you to face me when I've counted down from three, and look me in the eyes. Don't move yourself away from me. Force yourself to stay where you are and start visualising the sea and the waves. Imagine you're on that beach, relaxing, staring out over that beautiful water.”
He paused for a second or two and then counted down.
I forced my eyes to look into his. His face only a few centimetres away from mine. His beautiful full lips within touching distance of mine. It took all my strength not to act on my first impulse to kiss him, touch his face, stroke his closely cropped hair. Sea, rolling waves, beach, Kas. Sea, rolling waves, beach, Kas. I wanted to move away, run away. My head was screaming to get out; my body didn't want anything else but get closer.
“Count the waves."
