I open the messaging app.
Me: Hi. Cheryl from the Chamber of Commerce told me about your bid on the pies, and, not surprisingly, you won. Is there a place you want them donated? Or do you want them all at the law office?
Ryker: Law office.
Me: OK. Well, I usually bake on Sundays for big orders, but this weekend is the Cherry Festival in Traverse City, which I never miss. Is it OK if I bake the following Sunday and deliver next Monday?
Ryker: Fine.
I swallow. His cold brevity twists a knife in my heart, and I exhale softly. I never expected a man to take up space like this in my heart and mind. I’m trying like hell to ignore it—him—but it’s impossible.
Determined not to waste time thinking about what could have been, I crank up Hailee Steinfeld’s song Love Myself and head home to pack for the weekend. Maybe a couple of days at one of my favorite places will soften my ails.
Cherry Festival, here I come!
23
Ryker
I can’t get that night with Aspen out of my mind. The red dress. The sex! I’m haunted by the image of her beautiful, naked body beneath mine, her legs spread, eyelids fluttering, as I took her as my woman. Mine.
But what now?
I don’t know what got into me… one minute, I was inside the woman of my dreams. The woman I was sure was the one, my juice. But when the afterglow of our sex faded, I remembered the auction. I couldn’t get Mom’s words out of my head, or the memory of Aspen flirting, making the rounds at the auction. Networking.
Now that I think of it, it’s all becoming clear. It would never work with us. She’s too obsessed with her success. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before Mom pointed it out to me. Maybe it was seeing her in action at the auction, in a different light. It was a punch to my gut.
Still, I don’t feel any better right now. I feel like absolute shit. I miss her. But I’ll just have to get over it. My Spartan race is coming up, so I’ll focus on that. I’d love to take off to Hawaii after the race, work on the house out there, but I have to fulfill my obligations to my dad.
But… the sex was unbelievable. She felt so good. It was like our bodies were designed to fit together. I’ve never felt so comfortable and natural with a woman so fast. With Aspen, the sex combined all of the excitement of a first time, with the safety and familiarity of a long-time partner. It felt like I’d known her for years. Like we’d been lovers for years.
I sigh, and I know I won’t be able to sleep. So I take a hot shower and get a beer.
I wish she were here, and that things were different.
The nights haven’t gotten any easier, and last night was extra long and shitty, but it’s Friday evening, and I’ve had a productive day at work. I’ve got my head buried in files when Dad walks into my office. I haven’t seen him since the auction. He sits in the chair across from my desk and smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Yes, Dad? You don’t look like you’re here to talk about a case.”
“I was wondering how things are going with Aspen.”
My heart sinks. “Not great. Why?”
“She was looking for you at the auction the other night. I told her you’d left, and she asked for your address, so I played Cupid.”
He leans forward, putting his elbows on my desk like I’m going to share a juicy secret. I chuckle inwardly at my joke, but it wilts inside me. It’s anything but a joke.
“Sooooo… what happened?” he asks, no doubt smiling because he thinks he played a role in something exciting.
“It went well, and then it didn’t.” It’s all I can manage.
His face turns sympathetic. “Oh. Sorry, son. Want to talk about it?”
I stand up and rake my fingers through my hair. I need to talk with someone, and there’s no one better than Dad. He’s had his share of heartbreak, and look at him now. He’s happier than he’s ever been. Happier than anyone I know, actually.
“You know, Dad…” I say, and I start pacing the office. “Things were moving along, despite her claiming she doesn’t have time for a relationship.” I regret the anger in my voice.
“And I was watching her working the room at the auction—networking—with one man after another, and I got jealous. I saw how they looked at her. You could see they were smitten by her. It pissed me off.”
I pause, thinking about the pain I felt at the gallery that night. “I don’t know… she’s so beautiful. I worked so hard to push my way into her life, and it was working. And then… fuck, I blew up.”
“Yikes, Ryker. Not a smart move.”
“Ya think?” I bite, but he takes my sarcasm in stride; it rolls off his back. “Then Mom came up to me and started talking shit about Aspen… how she’d only like me for my money. And dammit, Dad, I’m just so tired of people wanting to be with me for my money. I didn’t think Aspen was like that, but then I thought about her obsession with making money, and, well, I snapped.”
“Hm. I see your mother stirred the pot. She’s good at that.” He shakes his head and stands up to walk over to me. “Look, Ryker, fatherly advice here. I know I’m an optimist, but there’s something I’ve learned in life. Your gut doesn’t lie. And juice doesn’t lie either. You just know your juice when you have it. I thought my juice was
