I look at my dad, and our conversation brings me a little peace, unlike how Mom’s words ripped at me. I’ve always respected my dad, and he’s a well-liked man. He’s happy, and I can’t help but aspire to be like him.
He continues, “And what your mother said about Aspen… from what I know, and I know many people in town… Aspen is nothing but a hard worker. She’s honest. Sure, she has goals and passions. She’s driven. Ambitious. That’s a good trait in a person. It’s your job to show her she doesn’t have to pursue her goals and passions alone. Just because her mother had problems doesn’t mean she will.”
“I don’t know, Dad. I might have fucked things up bad this time.”
“Well, you’ll figure it out. Anyway, sorry I haven’t been in to see you all afternoon. It’s good to see you burning the midnight oil. I told you this stuff was interesting. Don’t stay too late.”
Once Dad leaves my office, I sit down and lean back in my chair. I grab my black journal and start sketching as I think about what he said. Both my gut and my heart want to believe him. The way he described being in a good relationship—feeling the juice—is exactly how I felt with Aspen. And when Mom said all those things about her, it felt wrong, but I let it rule my brain.
Fuck, I was so stupid to listen to her.
Maybe my jealousy didn’t even have anything to do with those other men. Maybe I was jealous of Aspen spending more time focused on her dream than on me. Maybe it’s because she has a passion for something, and she’s going after it. And that’s exactly what’s missing in my life.
Maybe I’ve been thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe my vision has been clouded. So many realizations are hitting me, and I need to organize my thoughts. My sketches turn to writing, and new thoughts shine over me like the sun dawning over a new day.
For starters, I know Aspen is a beautiful woman. Men will always flirt with her. That’s not a threat, it’s just proof that she’s beautiful. If she’s with me, it’s proof of how lucky I am to have her. To know that other men want what only I possess. I should have been by her side the whole night. Helping her, supporting her dreams, instead of being a jealous asswipe.
I also see for the first time how I was jealous of her admirable focus and passion for something. The fact that I don’t possess these is not a mark against her, it’s a mark against me. I shouldn’t blame her, I should fix my own shit and stop being a goddamn baby.
Tough love, I tell myself.
As I ponder these days working for Dad, and how much I’ve enjoyed it, I know there’s room in my life for both of these new passions I’m starting to… get juiced about: Aspen and law. I chuckle. I guess I do have passions and direction.
I lean back in my chair. If I could just convince her that there’s room in her life for me, too. How I want to support her dreams. She doesn’t have to go it alone. I want her to succeed. I want to make her success one of my priorities.
But, how am I going to apologize and get her to understand? Just as I was making my way into her life, succeeding, I fucking threw it all away.
For Christ’s sake, she even wore that cherry-red dress for me.
For me!
God damn, I’m an idiot!
Then it hits me.
Cherries!
She said she was going to the Cherry Festival this weekend.
Things line up in my mind like dominos. I need to talk to her. I need to be with her, away from the restaurant, where she isn’t distracted. But she’s so mad at me. I don’t care. I’ve got to get to the Cherry Festival!
I open the browser on my phone and search Google to see what it’s about. Shit. It’s a freaking ginormous festival, with a half a million people every summer. How am I going to find her in half a million people? Well, fuck it, I’m going. First, I need a place to stay. I’ll figure out how to find her there later.
I’m late to the game. Everything is booked. But I’m not giving up. I switch tactics, and I search for a bed-and-breakfast. I spend another half hour digging around and making calls, when I finally find a room at a log cabin bed-and-breakfast, right on the shore of Lake Michigan. Perfect.
The tide turns in my favor with a win, and with Dad’s words fresh in my mind, and my heart’s desire for Aspen shaking my bones, I am more determined than ever to make that woman mine. I will make her see we’re meant to be together.
Next challenge… I need to figure out how to find her in a sea of thousands of people.
I have to go see her Popster tomorrow morning. He’ll know what to do.
First thing in the morning, I walk into Gabby’s Rooster and see Popster in his booth. I stride straight over to him, and I’m glad to see he’s there so early.
I slide into the booth across from him. “Hey, Emerson, good to see you. I have a favor to ask.”
He puts down his paper. “What can I do for you?”
“I know Aspen went to the Cherry Festival, and I need to find her. I want to talk to her.”
“We’ve been through this, Ryker,” he whispers, and his eyes dart to the kitchen to see if Gabby can hear. “Don’t say anything to her. We’re not ready yet. Wait until she’s got The Rose up and running.” He takes a sip of his coffee, eyeing me over the rim.
I
