And then it hit me like a freight train. I was going on a date with Liam Shafer. I was hooked and in too deep. My walls had crumbled, and somehow, he had wiggled his way into my heart.
Nineteen
I googled Ebola. That was as far as I could get, and it didn’t seem believable. I thought about making up a disease, but my thoughts quickly floated to the Friends episode where Rachel was called out for saying she had caught Newcastle disease. So here I was, sitting on my bed, desperately needing a paper bag to breathe into.
For a reason unknown to me everyone on campus came into the bookstore tonight, and I was constantly checking students out at the register. This left me no time to come up with an excuse to get out of going tonight.
I closed my eyes and breathed evenly. Why was I so nervous? I’d known Liam for a few months now! I’d kissed him…I’d slept in his bed. All I was doing was eating food in a public setting and Liam was joining me. That was all.
I bit my lip and pulled out my phone.
Me: I’m going out with Liam.
Gabby: Ugh. Stay strong. Guys are all a bag of dicks.
I laughed out loud. At least she helped my anxiety.
Me: What about Tyler? Thought he was nice.
Gabby: He’s a small dick. For real, call me if anything happens.
A knock. Something so simple as a noise sent me back into a downward spiral. I stood and inspected my appearance in the mirror. My jeans hugged me in the right places, and my top was tan and flowy. I looked normal. It took ten steps to get to the door, and longer than that to work up the courage to open it.
My shoulders relaxed when I opened the door. He was dressed simply, as he was every day. Just being around him calmed me a little.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said, my tone clipped. I wasn’t sure how to take compliments, but I didn’t let him know that. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Is that your complimenting me?” he asked, putting his hand over his heart. I rolled my eyes and pulled his hand down as I walked past him.
“You’ll never know. What’s the plan?”
“Food first,” he said.
The sun was dipping behind the buildings, but I could still see. His car was parked and running in front of the building near several ‘no parking’ signs. I looked at him and he shrugged. He stopped short of the car, picking up a leaf.
“Your hair is the exact color of this,” he said before handing it to me. I smiled on the inside.
“That’s where my name came from.”
“You were named after a leaf?” he asked, and his eyebrows shot up.
I shook my head. “No. Kind of. I don’t know, my mom said she had a dream about me before I was born, and it led to my name. It’s weird, really.”
“Does it bother you to bring her up?” he asked.
“Sometimes it makes me think about what could have been. She was always different. Sometimes I think of what it would’ve been like if it was just me and her and my brother.” There was too much silence. “I was closer to my brother. I don’t talk about him really.”
I got into the car and clicked my seatbelt, wondering why I just word vomited. I had one unspoken rule: do not talk about the past. Now here I was, spilling my secrets to Liam.
“I’m sorry your dad sucked. It’s a rite of passage: you have to have at least one shitty family member,” he said, and I giggled.
“My brother was the only good one.”
“What was he like?” he asked, and my heart sank.
“He was my only friend. He would’ve done anything for me.” Anything. My heart dropped in my chest.
He took my short, aloof answer for what it was and dropped the conversation. The car suddenly became filled with an uncomfortable silence. I looked out the window, watching the city as it streaked by. Since I’d started here, I hadn’t had the chance to explore, and it felt like I was letting my life slip by. I came here to get away and start over. I couldn’t start over if I was the same person I was before.
“Where are we going?” I asked. I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“One of my favorite places near the city.” He beamed a brilliant smile.
“Near?”
“You’ll see.” For a second, his eyes held mine before returning to the road. He turned into a drive-through. I leaned up, looking at the sign. Dick’s Drive-In. It looked different than the places back home.
“This is your favorite place?” I asked, laughing once.
“No. What do you want?” he asked, completely disregarding my question. I really looked him over. Serial killers couldn’t be that pretty. I would know if something was that off with him. I bit back laughter and looked away from those shining blue-gray eyes.
I glanced at the menu. “Anything with chicken.”
He ordered and I looked around, confused. My overactive mind needed to know what is going on, but I let him lead our date. He pulled up, grabbed our food, and we were on the road again. When we left the Seattle lights behind, I lifted a brow at him.
“Should I be concerned?”
“Most definitely.”
I grinned at him. With my history, I should be worried. With him I was excited. My stomach growled as we turn on to a different road. I spotted a sign.
“Louisa Boren Lookout?” I asked.
He shrugged as he parked the car. “I know you don’t get the chance to leave campus a lot. I wanted you to be able to see everything.”
My brows shot up at his kindness. I faced the front of the car; the headlights
