“I think I can,” she said. “But I’m not ready to say that out loud.”
I propped against the wall, focusing on my breathing. My mind went back to Josie bringing up Autumn’s family. I wrote it off as her being a bitch, but there was something about the sadness that hung-over Autumn that made me think it was true.
“This is a deep fucking conversation for a party.” I laughed without humor.
“Then let’s change the subject,” she said pleadingly.
“You’re going to hear it from someone, and it’s better if it comes from me.”
“You don’t have to, Liam.”
I slid down the wall, stopping at the floor. Autumn was directly in front of me, watching me intently.
“I want to. I want you to trust me,” I said, and her head dropped.
“That isn’t second nature to me.” She tried to laugh but it wasn’t sincere. She looked at me and her eyes were so fucking sad.
“Our coach always had this rule that we couldn’t drink during the season. I guess you could say I have a problem following the rules.”
“Liam…” Autumn sat down on the floor beside me, taking my hand in hers.
“It was my idea to go out. I thought we could get away with it if we weren’t at the house. Chris and Andrew were the only two who would go. They were always down to do anything.”
I paused for too long. She squeezed my hand and asked, “Were you driving?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I threw up when we left the bar, so Andrew made me get into the back because his truck was new.”
I’d never talked about this out loud to anyone after I gave a statement. I tried to remember the good things about them.
“He crashed into a cement wall under an overpass. I was passed out before he drove off that night. They said that’s probably the reason I made it.” The sheer panic of waking up stuck in the floorboard with searing pain and no one answering you was something I’d never forget. The flashing lights. Realizing I was the only one making it out as I was pulled from the truck and saw the front covered with a sheet. “I was trapped in there with them for a long time. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get to them.”
“You need to feel in control,” she said.
“What?”
“That’s why you don’t drink anymore. You need to always have control.”
“I guess you’re right,” I muttered.
“We don’t have control over anything, Liam. What’s meant to happen will happen.”
I nodded. We sat in silence, staring straight ahead. I traced her hand with my thumb, and she squeezed mine in return.
“I broke my arm. It took a few months, but I can use it now. Seems a little fucked up that our fates were so different.”
“Is that why you quit playing?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “That was the final straw.”
“This is going to sound cliché, but your friends wouldn’t have wanted you to quit.”
I let out a sharp breath. It sounded like a cruel laugh. “Yeah well, they can’t exactly tell me that, can they?”
“Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing…leaving, I mean. I don’t know that I deserve to start over,” she said. I turned to look at her. Her face was probably unreadable to most, but I knew that sadness.
“You deserve all the good,” I said, hoping she would believe me.
“I don’t get to decide what I deserve. No one does. The world has a fucked-up way of deciding for us. It sucks, really.”
“You can trust me with anything,” I reminded her.
She shook her head. “I’m still processing it. I guess that’s the good thing about running away. No one can tell you anything before I can,” she said.
“You don’t have to do anything before you’re ready.”
She pressed her lips to mine. She was bolder with alcohol pulsing through her veins. I noted that her lips tasted of alcohol and salt as she deepened the kiss. She pulled back, stood up, and led me to the bed.
I fell back, letting her lie on top of me and take control. Her lips found mine again as she ground her hips into mine. Without thinking I grabbed her hips, guiding them. She started a light trail from my lips to my neck to the top of my shirt, tugging on the hem.
I’d thought about this a million times with this girl. I was about to hate myself. I grabbed her hands and sat up. She looked at me, confused.
“I want to…but not like this, Autumn.” Sighing, she rolled off my lap and onto my bed. “It’s just that you’ve been drinking, and I unloaded some heavy stuff on you. When it happens, I want you to be sure.”
She sighed, and a shy smile played on her lips before she looked at me. “I guess you’re right. I’ll just have to get over the rejection first.”
I pressed my lips against hers for a moment before pulling back. I glanced over her perfect body once before groaning. “Believe me, I’ll take you up on the offer soon.”
She clenched her teeth together, making a clicking sound with her tongue. “I’m sorry, but that was a one-time offer.”
I laughed once, hoping she was joking. I could feel my resolve getting weaker by the second. When the hell did, I become the mature one?
“Stay with me tonight,” I said.
She bit her lip before nodding her head in agreement. “Can I borrow a shirt?”
“Top drawer,” I said. She bounced out of bed and ripped the top drawer open and grabbed the first shirt she could find. When she pulled her shirt off, I looked away. You have got to be kidding me. I adjusted my pants and stared at the ceiling.
“What are you looking at?” she asked. I found her at the other side of the bed, her hair up and wearing only my shirt.
“Uh, nothing,” I managed to say. Grinning, she pulled back the covers and slid
