“I’m sorry for last night, and leaving, and everything else,” I blurted out as soon as we got into the bedroom. He closed the door and we sat beside each other on Gabby’s purple bedspread. Her room was clean and without clutter—only having a bed, a nightstand, and a dresser in the small space.
He looked me straight in the eye, holding my gaze intently. “I want you to know that stopping you last night was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve questioned myself a million times.”
He let out a relaxed laugh and I joined him. I felt a huge load drop off my shoulders as I laughed my embarrassment away.
“I kind of suck at this,” I said, and he shrugged his shoulders.
“I can’t tell you if you do or not. I’ve never been in this…situation.”
“Did you just call us a situation?” I joked.
He rubbed the back of his neck. Staring straight ahead, he let out a sigh before looking at me. His gray eyes were on me again, intense.
“I like you, Autumn. Not as a friend. Not as a girl to just pass time with. I think about you all the time. I go to class to see you. I think of ways to make you laugh. You’re the real deal for me. When I woke up this morning and you were gone, I thought I blew it and it had me so fucked up…”
I pressed my lips to his, silencing his doubt. I moved in sync with his mouth, hoping he could make my fears disappear, too. Maybe that’s what relationships were. You found someone as messed up as you and you stuck with them. Maybe we’d grow with each other, find ourselves, and come out better people in the end. Maybe that was what it was all about.
“I like you, too, Liam.” His face broke out into the most glorious smile I’d ever seen.
“I’m going to make you so happy.”
He held my gaze, smiling still. I mirrored his expression. I hope he was right. Take it all away. Save me.
I stood behind the cash register, watching a student walk out with a book in their hand. “Have a good day!” I called out. I’d never realized until recently how bad I was with people in public. I blamed it on my self-isolation throughout high school.
Mandy walked to the counter, giving me a strange look. Her blue streaks had been replaced with purple, and a tattoo peeked out from her shirt.
“You’re so awkward,” she said.
“I’m seeing that.”
She just shrugged her shoulders. “It could be worse. You could be perky.”
“True.”
“How’re classes going?” she asked, and she seemed sincere. Mandy was an unusual supervisor. She kept to herself, only commenting when she could be sarcastic or if she was interested. So, for her to ask about my personal life, well, it was out of the ordinary.
“Great, actually. I’m just ready for a break,” I said.
“Same. I graduate in May, and I’ve never been more ready. I hope these aren’t the best years of my life,” she said sarcastically, and I laughed.
“You’re leaving me? Who else will insult me at work?” I asked, and she tried to not laugh.
“Very funny. You have me a while.”
“Thanks for checking in on me, and for the job. You were one of the first people here to take a chance on me.”
“I asked how your classes were going! I didn’t know it would turn into something weird,” she said, scrunching her nose up. She smiled and winked at me as she walked away.
I couldn’t help but notice I was feeling nostalgic and wondered if that was how everyone in relationships felt. My face twisted into a sour expression as I gathered my things to leave for the night.
On the walk back to my dorm, I remembered how my life was just a couple of months ago. I arrived here, not knowing anyone. I was timid and shy, not knowing my place in this weird world. I bundled my jacket around me as the wind picked up.
Josie wasn’t in our room, and for that I was thankful. I didn’t want to hear her intrusive questions right now. I dropped to floor quickly, typed in my code for the safe, and slid my last week’s check in there, safely tucked away with my money and information. I closed it, paranoid someone would come in.
I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but the idea of explaining everything to anyone put knots in my stomach. I wanted them to see me as who I was now—strong, reliant, beautiful. Not the scared girl who ran away.
Twenty-Four
I hadn’t seen Autumn in two days. Not that I was counting. That would be fucking weird. I sat down in my usual seat, dropping my notebook and pen on the desk. Students filed in while I dropped my eyes to my desk, then casually looked up, hoping she wouldn’t notice me staring at the door.
Gabby walked in first, talking over her shoulder to who I assumed was Autumn. I glanced down and began arranging my notebook with a single sheet of paper, pretending I wasn’t eager. She sat beside me, turning to make sure I saw her.
“You’re being weird,” she said. Why do I try?
“I’m just getting ready for class,” I said, shrugging.
“With three items? Nah, you were spying on the door, waiting for me to walk through it.”
“I’m not confirming or denying,” I said. She pursed her lips, stifling a smile, and I was thankful she let it go. “How was your shift at the bookstore?”
Her face broke into a smile. The simplest things excited her. It was as if, for the first time, she finally had something to live for and she was making the best of it.
“It was good. I really like my boss. She’s cool.”
“Does
