Song after song I listened to her mumble through the words and tried to fight the tears.
Pulling up to her farm, I fought the urge to continue driving anywhere but taking her home, just to spend a few more minutes with her. I wanted her to say something more about it and I didn't want to have to ask. I didn't even know how to ask about this.
When my truck finally stopped, she turned to me while unbuckling her seat belt. “I reckon you have a lot of questions, Wyatt, and I wish I could answer them. Frankly, you know me better than anyone, and you know I will do what I can to fight this. But you also know how I feel about God having a plan.”
There were only two things I could say, and instead of just thinking them and not saying them, I was going to say them. “It is no secret how important you are to me… I love you. Maybe I don't say it like I should but nevertheless; it’s a fact. What can I do to help you? Anything, just name it.”
“Just be you, Wyatt. You have given me a reason to live for a very long time.”
I watched as her hand reached for the truck door and then stopped. “I would love for you to meet me at church on Sunday. No pressure.”
“I’ll be there, 9:00 a.m. on the nose.” She exited the truck smiling, and I stayed put until she got into her door with a wave. Rhonda moved slower than she had but she was still stuck at a certain age in my mind. She was young and vibrant and I didn't think I would ever see her any other way.
I drove down her dirt road, and then turned the corner facing I-85, before pulling over on the side of the road to rest my head on the steering wheel.
I whispered, expecting an answer but fairly certain I wasn't going to get one, “Why, God, why? Why her?”
Not that I expected an answer right away, but I had hoped he would at the very least hear my words of desperation.
My life would never be the same without her in it. And I refused to think about it.
BREIGH
“I just don’t understand. You knew what was going to happen, but then you act shocked every time it happens. Emma, I warned you.” I sat in my spot, a round table in our favorite coffee shop, Maxwell’s. We had been meeting here since we were old enough to drink coffee. We used to always joke around and said how we would meet here all our lives with our kids and our families. Didn't seem as realistic to me now though. It was funny in retrospect, thinking about what we thought would be plausible when we were younger.
“You can’t always just say this matter-of-factly. I get it; you predicted it. Just like you did before, but damn, Breigh, is it wrong for me to want to find that person? What if I don't try, and I just sit back like you do and wait for that person. What if it never happens?” I could see the fear in her eyes. She was perfectly put together, as always, wearing her designer professional clothing, not a wrinkle in sight. Everything was fit for every curve, tailored for her beauty.
“Then it never happens,” I stated matter-of-factly.
We stopped our conversation for a few seconds as our coffee was being placed on our table. Mine a large mug with four creams, no sugar, and at kids’ temperature so I could drink it right away. Emma’s a small espresso with an extra shot, a pound of sugar, and a quart of creamer.
“So easy for you to say after you have been hurt as bad as you have. It isn't that way for everyone. I haven't felt the pain you have. I know Alan put you through more than a lot of women together have been through, but can you give me a break? Show some empathy.”
“I am not going to sugarcoat you getting your feelings hurt. You want to find a guy that is right for you… I get that. But you also should think that is not going to be a fairy tale. Life is tough. I’m just saying, don't think everyone you meet has that potential. Especially at a nightclub. Distinguish the difference between a guy to have fun with and a guy who you could build a future with.”
“I thought when I talked to Cash it was a possibility. For what I knew of him, anyway. He said all the right things.”
“You spent one night with him and you had already been drinking. I doubt your judgment was on par.”
“It wasn't judgment. It was just a feeling I had.”
“You’re hopeful and I get that. I’m not saying not to be hopeful… I am just saying to be more realistic.”
“I don’t want to be more realistic. I don't want to be you.” Emma said the words and then froze, waiting for my response. “I’m sorry, Breigh, I didn't mean that like it sounded.”
I put my hand on hers. “I don't want you to be me either. I love that you have the ability to see the good things in people, and to not shy away from things just out of fear or certainty. But I don't want you to get hurt.”
“To me, it’s worth it. I know it sucks you have to listen to it, but I am willing to take that risk. I don't want to look back and wish I would have done something, tried with someone, had something pass me by.”
“That’s a good way to look at things, my friend.” What could I say to that? Not a damn thing.
Although I was skeptical, I wished I had that hope; maybe then I would be more willing to
