In the hallway, Breigh stopped and smiled. My eyes followed hers and I saw a loving couple in a picture, a man kissing the woman.
“My grammy and gramps.”
“Man, they look so happy.”
“They were most of the time. That is what I want, nothing less.”
“That is what you deserve.” I just wished I could do that for her, like I had in the beginning. I had let my brother intrude on my happiness like I had other times in my past.
Shame on me.
After dinner we sat on the covered back porch and Rhonda and Helen talked about the various flowers, trees, etc, while Breigh served the peach cobbler and coffee. I listened to them gab on and all I could think about was getting alone with Breigh to talk. I needed to make her see reason and see I was worthy of her love. After I acted the way I did, I was shocked she was letting me try.
I finally got my chance when my aunt and Helen excused themselves to do the dishes. We offered to help but they insisted we sit and visit. “We have some church business to discuss anyhow,” Rhonda said, fairly confident that would shut my mouth, which it did.
“Thank you for dinner and dessert, and most of all getting to spend time with you and your grandmother.”
“You’re very welcome. Truthfully, it was my grammy’s idea. She loves to have company over and doesn't get too nearly as much. So many of her friends have passed on.”
“Well, she is great at making company feel like family.”
“Yeah, she is, isn't she?” Breigh said, sweetly proud of her grandmother.
“Can we finish our conversation from earlier?”
I moved closer to her to where our knees were touching. I put my hand on her knee and rubbed slightly.
“Yes, we can,” she said nervously. “I’m sorry I walked off. It was childish.”
“Kind of like what I did.”
“Yes…it just hurt. I thought we were heading in the direction of our future together; I was sure of it. Wyatt, this isn't just an issue of what happened with you. And Alan, my ex. But this has been my life. Things might get complicated or unclear, there might be doubt or fear, but you showed me a side of you that is exactly what I can’t have. I refuse to have. I can’t be with someone who doesn't give me benefit of the doubt.”
I shook my head, taking in what she said. It was far more complicated than I had realized.
“You assumed, and you didn't ask; you just threw me away. How do I know that won’t happen again? What about all the different things that can happen later? What about IF we get married, or IF we have children?”
“I don’t have any excuse for my actions. But I will say, I’ve been hurt too. I have major trust issues and that just made me react in a way, in a way, I regret. Our pasts make us who we are, for better or for worse. I assumed incorrectly. I was told what Cash saw and I took it to heart without listening to you, the one person who would never hurt me. You had told me part of what happened and when you didn’t tell me all of it, I assumed. I assumed you were something like I had in the past. I was angry and hurt, scared even.”
She stood up right in front of me and I moved my head up to watch her. “I need to be with someone who loves me unconditionally and will always give me the benefit of the doubt. I won’t accept anything less.”
“Breigh, I know you have been hurt. Hell, I have too. And I know I added to that by hurting you myself. Cash is half the reason my ex and I broke up. She cheated with him. Her name was April, and she tore my heart out. What I feel for you is far more than I ever dreamed of feeling for her, and I got spooked. I have no explanation that is good enough.”
The look on her face said it all. She hurt for me, and what I had been through, even though I had just put her through what I had. How could I have ever doubted Breigh?
I was speechless, because looking in her blue eyes I knew she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I just had to prove to her I was worth it, that I would never doubt her again, and make her believe it.
The conversation on the way home was quiet. Rhonda tried to make small talk but she could tell I was a bundle of nerves. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to convince Breigh to let her guard down, and I wasn't sure if I was going to win her back.
“Thank you for going with me tonight.”
“You bet, Wyatt. I adore Helen. She is a card. So full of life too. You know, I really never thought about aging, I knew it was going to happen and was fine with it. It wasn't anything I concerned myself with. But now, I realize how old I’m getting, and this sickness isn't making anything any better.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not saying I am dying tonight, Wyatt, calm down. I’m just saying spending time with Helen really makes me realize how she appreciates the time she has had and the time she still has left. She doesn't worry about if tomorrow will come but just takes each day, day by day.”
“I think we all should do that.”
“You work too much, just like I always did. We bury ourselves in work to let that lead our lives. I mean, I had a wonderful marriage but nevertheless, I still didn't let that lead my life. I wish I would have spent a little more time with Kurt, and even you as you were younger,
