We had started to go with her to Sunday service, and help her in and out. I wasn't ready to handle the reality that was staring me in the face. But tonight, I had a bad feeling that I was unable to get out of my mind. My nerves felt it even more so.
My phone rang and I froze, unsure that I wanted to answer it. “Wyatt, can you come over and sit with me for a while?” My aunt’s voice was quiet and shaky.
This was a huge request with her being as independent as she was.
I sped there as fast as I could and fought the urge to call and wake Breigh for her to comfort me. She always knew what to say to make things better. I was rendered speechless in these situations, and especially with the most important person in my life.
Walking into her house, I felt empty. I had to be strong, but every fiber in my being was feeling differently. I wasn’t ready to do this, to see her like I knew she was going to be.
“Wyatt, come in here.”
I found Rhonda sitting in her recliner with a blanket on top of her. She had started to have nurses come throughout the day and assist with the pain pump she had inserted.
“How are you feeling tonight?” I asked, right from the get-go.
Stupid question, dumbass.
“How do I look?” she asked. She read my face, just like she had my entire life. “That bad, huh?” She giggled but then cleared her throat, struggling to breathe.
“Not bad…” I muttered, a plain lie and she was going to know it in a heartbeat.
“Bullshit. You are a deputy, you should know how to fake a statement.”
“You would think.” We both let out a laugh. I sat beside her and touched her hand. Shockingly she let me. She was never touchy-feely, loving but by her rules.
I didn't know what to say so I said the only thing that came to mind. “Can I do anything? I feel so helpless.” I wasn't one to cry. I could count on one hand how many times I had. But tonight, sitting beside her as I did, I wanted to cry so very badly. Bawl like a baby. I didn't want to be the strong one.
“No, Wyatt. You can’t do anything. I wanted to talk to you tonight…”
“Please don't say…”
“I’m not saying goodbye right now. But I am at a point in my life when I feel something, or think something; I am going to say it. So I need you to listen.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And listen good.”
I shook my head.
“I need to tell you how important you are and have been in my life. Your uncle and I had several miscarriages and were unable to have children. It was my fault…but when I held you for the first time, I knew you were special. I felt a connection with you that I had never felt with anyone.”
“Me too,” I interrupted, knowing how much she hated when I did that.
“I was never one to say I love you all the time, but I do. I love you, Wyatt. I am so proud of all you have accomplished. You standing on your own two feet, no matter what the cost with your parents, your successful career doing what you wanted to do, and most of all, your caring heart.”
Tears started to puddle in my eyes. I had to be strong for her.
“I wish I would’ve told you that more.”
“I knew it, you showed it.”
“I hope so. I certainly can’t now.” She had begun to close her eyes. Her energy had been like this for the last month.
“I need you to reassure me that you will continue doing what you are doing. Be happy. And love Breigh for all the good she is.”
“You will be here to see that I do.”
“I wish that was the case, but we both know it isn’t.”
“You never know…miracles happen. Every day I see miracles happen.”
“Not this time, but I’m okay. I am ready for what God has in store for me.”
“Please don't say that.” The lump in my throat was choking me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and not let go.
“If you are going to say what I meant to you, please let me tell you what you mean to me…” I said, observing how she was trying to keep her eyes open but they were resisting her. She moaned a little bit and I worried she was in pain.
“All the things you said that were good about me are because of you. You have been the reason I tried to always do my best, why I saw the things that really mattered in life. You made me see what real love was, and showed me the man I wanted to be. It is all because you loved me when I didn't feel loved. You let me be me…”
“I can still see you running through our pasture smiling, trying to catch butterflies,” she said.
“Or what about when I killed that deer with Uncle Kurt and then cried and cried. You held my hand and loved me. Not once did you tell me what I was feeling was wrong.”
“It wasn’t,” she muttered. I thought she had fallen asleep but she was still listening. “Wyatt, always appreciate what God places in your life. I have. And that is why I knew you were such a blessing.”
“You were the blessing.”
She let out a light moan, and I could see the pain she was in clearly. She wasn’t attempting to hide it from me any longer.
“My body is hurting so bad; I need you to give me some medicine. Will you be able to do it in the pain pump?”
“I can try.”
“If you can't, Breigh knows how. Call her to come over.”
“I’m afraid I am going to mess it up and not
