“I’m guessing that wasn't one-sided.”
“Of course not. I wasn't exactly a nice guy.”
“Putting it mildly,” she said.
I looked over at her smile, mostly because that was one of the things I loved about her. She was honest and didn't say anything she didn’t feel.
“I was thinking about how you said you were lucky for having what you had when you were growing up,” I said touching her hand lightly.
“And.”
“I want to provide that for someone someday. A family. Stability and a good home. A home that children want to be at, not run from.”
“I think your mother probably tried…”
“She did. It’s funny, I think if we would have had less money, and my father would have actually been around more and not working, things would have or could have been better.”
“My dad worked a lot but he still was a great father. I think it’s all balance.”
“Not all men are meant to be fathers, I guess.”
“That’s true too,” she agreed.
I was still touching her hand as she looked out onto the pond. The tree was rustling in the wind and the sound of it was relaxing. I fought the urge to lay back and look up at it. The wind felt amazing against my hot skin.
“I was thinking the other night… I think of you every night, Emma.” I waited for a response or for a return in what I said but nothing came.
“I was thinking about how I wished we could have met now, instead of before. So you would have never known who I was before, and you would have met the Cash I am now. All the promises I broke, or false hope I gave you, without any intention of following through.”
“We can’t go backward, can we?” She said cautiously at what I was getting at.
“It sure would be nice… then I wouldn't have hurt you and made you cry. Or broke your heart just from me being an asshat. I would have appreciated you for who you are and what…”
Saying that, I looked over at Emma and she had lain back on the grass with her hands on her stomach. Her manicured nails, with the polish that was well-maintained, rested still. She was listening to me, but was staring at the sky.
I turned to her and leaned in. “I am sorry for all the pain I caused you.”
I looked at her eyes and saw a tear falling out. I leaned on my side to sweep it up, and stayed there lying with my head being held up by my arm. I couldn't get enough of her brown eyes that spoke her feelings without her muttering a word.
“What can I do to make you forget what I have done to hurt you in the past? Is there anything?” I asked, seizing the opportunity.
I tilted her chin up and lightly kissed her, watching her for every second I got closer to her lips.
She didn't pull back and when I went in for another one after lifting briefly, she let me. I kissed her again and again and then stopped, waiting for her to say something.
“What can I do? There is no other woman on this earth I want more than I want you.” I lightly moved her hair off the side of her cheek that had moved in the result of the wind. It lay down her shoulder now with loose curls.
“I wish I knew. I really do.” She closed her eyes and I did the same, lying back beside her, reaching for her hand, hoping I wasn't going to have to let it go anytime soon.
EMMA
On the ride back home, I made conversation with Breigh and Wyatt trying to keep my mind busy. I had kept replaying what had happened with Cash at the pond.
“Your childhood home was really beautiful. I couldn’t imagine growing up being able to go out and ride horses.”
“I loved to ride, but didn’t appreciate it when I was growing up, not like I should have,” Wyatt said, smiling over at Breigh.
“I don’t know that I could get used to have to go through a gate to get to my front door though. But I guess with a house that is basically a mansion you would have to have one.”
“It was just home to us, I don't think we ever thought of it that way,” Wyatt said.
“I didn’t expect it to be so large, so white…museum like…”
Breigh laughed and I apologized, “I’m just being honest.”
“I felt the same way,” Breigh agreed.
“I had a pretty nice home growing up, but this is…”
“I get it, Emma. I get it.” Wyatt shut me up.
I was in the back seat with Olivia and she was sound to sleep. I wished I could fall asleep in the car like her. She was dead to the world.
“What did you think of ‘Cash’s spot’?” Breigh asked, putting her fingers up in the air mimicking quote marks.
“I love everything about the house, and the property. But that tree, man it was enormous. I could have spent all my summers there and enjoyed every second of it.”
“Yeah…” Breigh agreed.
“Did y'all get to talk any?”
“Yeah, we did. He apologized like he always does, and I listened.”
“Cash has just learned how to take responsibility for his actions… like most of us who learned that far earlier in life, he didn’t. To say you’re sorry and mean it,” Wyatt informed me, while keeping his eyes on the road only turning to look at me once.
“And do you think he means it?” I asked.
“I think he thinks he means it. Time will tell. It always does.”
Breigh chimes in, “Time nor the truth have been on Cash’s side.”
“I have never seen Cash passionate about anything in his life… and with you, Emma, he is. So that has to mean something, right?” Wyatt said.
“Thanks for that, Wyatt.”
“You bet.”
“When I rode with him in the U-Haul to your mom’s new
