“Okay, Joshua, it’s time to go,” she said tersely.
Everyone looked between us, and nausea filled me. She was leaving. I had scared the fuck out of her again. And now, she was leaving and taking her son with her. She said her goodbyes, and I wasn’t sure if I even said anything back. I hugged Joshua when he came to me, but I barely remembered any of it.
Then she left, practically running out of the house with her kid in her arms.
I just sat there, lost in my memories. In my pain.
I wanted her so fucking much. But I couldn’t have her. I wasn’t good for her.
And the secrets between us? They weren’t going to make anything easier.
They never did.
Chapter 7
Dakota
I took a sip of my wine and looked at the man across the table from me. He had a frown on his face, the little line between his brows prominent.
I didn’t see Macon scowl as much as I used to. Or maybe I had been doing my best not to study his face. Something seemed wrong, and perhaps it was what we were doing together tonight. Not that I had any idea what we were doing.
“I’m sorry Paris and Myra pushed you into this. We don’t have to stay long.”
He looked up at me then, blinking as if he hadn’t been paying attention. Well, I knew this wasn’t a real date, but I still felt a little stung by the lack of interest. Not that I wanted him to be interested in me, but he could at least pay attention when I was sitting right in front of him.
“No, it’s no big deal. Sorry. Just had a long day at work.”
I held back a grimace and played with the stem of my wineglass. “We don’t have to stay. You’re the one who told Paris that we needed to figure out this whole friendship thing. But if you’re going to sit there and not want to be here, maybe we should just go home and call it a day.”
He stared at me for a minute, his frown deepening. “I’m fine just where I am. Maybe we do need to figure out this friendship thing, though.”
“I’m confused,” I said honestly.
“Well, so am I,” he growled.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling as if I’d lost part of the conversation.
“I guess I should be asking you that question. I’m surprised you even came out tonight. Or agreed to anything, what with you being so afraid to be near me.”
I shook my head. I had no idea what he was saying. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“No, I don’t.” I paused. “Macon. We may not always get along, but that’s for other reasons.”
“Other reasons.”
I barely resisted the urge to throw up my hands and growl. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“You sure didn’t know what to say when you practically ran out of the room with Joshua after dinner. I know I can sometimes be a bit off-putting, but you didn’t need to drag your kid from the house.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” I asked, my mouth going dry. I’d left Prior’s in a hurry for personal reasons. I hadn’t even thought about Macon. What had I done to get him to look at me like that? I didn’t like it. It might not remind me of the same pain as when Adam had looked at me, but it still hurt to see.
“I know I’m still dealing with the aftermath of the shooting. I know that I sometimes flinch or act as if I don’t know where I am. I’m working through that. I have a damn therapist. But, sometimes, I can’t control it. If you need to keep Joshua away because of that? I get it. But at least have the decency to tell me and not make me feel like I’m going to hurt you or your kid. Because I’d never do it. You have to believe me.”
I just looked at him, wondering how we could be so wrong all the time.
“That is not why I left. I wasn’t even… I was in my head, Macon. I swear it wasn’t about you. I didn’t even realize you were going through something beyond needing a moment.” I sighed and put my face in my cupped hands, trying to take a breath.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I’m the one who should be asking that question. Only I’m afraid I’m too late.”
I looked around at the small Greek restaurant we were in, at the food we had picked at but not truly eaten, and knew that this wasn’t where I wanted to talk to him.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I asked suddenly.
He frowned. “Are you sure?”
“I just don’t want to talk in here.”
He studied my face for a moment before giving me a tight nod. “Okay, we can do that.”
I knew that Adam could be around, could be watching, but I was doing my best not to live in fear. Or maybe I was trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening. I hadn’t seen Adam, but I knew he could jump out of the bushes at any moment, just because he liked to fuck with me. Tonight, however, I wasn’t alone. And I would make sure that we walked in a lighted area, and that Joshua was safe—no matter what. He was with Constance and her parents at our home right now. They were all taking care of him tonight, while I did something for myself and went on a non-date with Macon.
Because this wasn’t a date, it was just two people trying to understand who they were.
“Okay, I’ll get the check, and then we’ll talk.”
“Good. I think… I think I could use someone to talk to,” I said honestly.
He gazed at me, and I didn’t know what he saw there. But he got up and found the waiter, and soon, we were ready to go.
He put his hand on the small of
