"To silver linings," I agree with a laugh.
Walker Kingston caught my attention the first day I walked into the Crescent Harbor Private Academy with my pigtails and my freckled cheeks to start kindergarten. He was four inches taller, two years older and one grade above me. Yet I marched right up to him and told him my name. Being the cranky asshole he’s always been, he just sort of squinted his eyes at me and slowly, slowly backed away. Throughout the rest of the school year, I maintained my attempts to crack his hard shell but none of my efforts worked. It wasn’t until a year later that things changed.
My very first museum field trip. I unzipped my lunch bag and there was nothing inside. Nothing. Aunt Lucille had forgotten to pack my food. I immediately burst into tears. My spoiled-rich classmates circled around me, pointing and laughing at my empty lunch kit.
I will never forget the sight of the crowd parting as Walker pushed his way through, the glares he shot around at the kids, right before he ripped his tuna sandwich down the middle and handed me a sloppy half. For months, I’d been invisible to him. Yet somehow, in a moment when I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole, Walker saw me. I felt like I'd been saved by my very own baby-faced Prince Charming. And that's what did it—the guy has had a piece of me ever since.
My aunt's expression goes solemn. "What's your mother saying about all this?"
Bringing my glass to my lips, I take a drink of my smoothie. "I don't know. She was busy when I called."
"She couldn't even take a minute to have a conversation with you about it?"
Wordlessly, I shake my head.
That brings compassion to my aunt's eyes. She knows how much my mother's distance hurts me. "After everything you sacrificed for her? After all the risks you took for her?"
Aunt Lucille still is not happy with the decision I made to donate a part of my liver to my mother. Patricia Merlini doesn’t deserve any parenting awards. And I'll admit that deep down I hoped that helping her would earn me a little bit of her attention. But still, she’s blood and she needed my help. I'd do it again.
It sucks that she probably wouldn't do the same for me.
But Walker was there for me, though. In the rough weeks and months following the procedure, he was there. Dropping off food every day, taking me to doctor's appointments, making sure my pain med prescriptions were filled.
"I'm sorry, Penny. I know how she is." She brushes her hand over mine again. "I can tell you this—you'll be amazing with your kid. Your own bastard mother? She thought that just because she was paying your tuition to that snooty, expensive-ass private school, that she was doing her part. But you know what's important. You know the value of love." She exhales.
Now, Chest Hair/Moustache Combo is hovering above our table, holding the margaritas from earlier. "Hello ladies..." He gives us a smile worthy of the Hollywood Golden Era. "I was thinking you two beauties might like—"
Visibly annoyed, Aunt Lucille throws up her palm like a stop sign in his face. "Look, dude—we don't need your little piña coladas. We're trying to plan an insemination over here. So, unless that's a cup of sperm in your hand, we're gonna need you to back off right about now."
The man blinks. He clears his throat. "Um...I'm just gonna take these back to the bar and maybe..." He spins on his heel.
When the man is gone, I break out laughing. "Well, that was kind of harsh."
"I don't have time for interruptions. I've got to be back at my salon in fifteen minutes for my next customer and our conversation is far from over." She shrugs unapologetically. "So, back to Walker...Are you sure you want to do this thing with him? Are you sure you want that man to be your baby daddy?"
That question is a bit more complicated. I fumble with my answer.
She cups my cheek and continues, "Honey, you know I adore him. And I know you adore him. But I'm worried about whether you'd be able to have that man's baby and not lose yourself to him completely. You've loved him forever. And now all of a sudden, you think you can undertake the most intimate act of your lifetime with him—making a baby—without falling even deeper in love?"
I swallow and press my eyes shut. "I know I can. I have to. There's no other option. I have to find a way."
13
Walker
I’m sitting in a small plastic chair next to Penny in the doctor’s office. I’m uncomfortable as shit. I tried telling her I could stay in the waiting room, but she insisted they’d want to talk to me. I’m no prude, but what kind of discussion needs to be had about me jizzing in a cup?
While we wait for the doc, Penny’s comparing the pamphlet from the front office to the websites she has bookmarked on her phone, rambling a thousand miles a minute as she points out the discrepancies to me. I nod and grunt in all the appropriate places, hoping the professionals will be able to put her mind at ease.
Or shit—maybe they’ll be able to talk her out of it entirely.
My shoulder muscles are knotted up like a French braid. The longer I sit here, the more real this all becomes, and it's making me nervous. My dad's words from the other day keep looping in my head. Hell, my brothers may have been joking around but they made some valid points, too. This thing I'm getting myself into is no game. Once Penny gets pregnant, there's no changing my mind. Suddenly, I'm not so sure how I feel about that.
The gynecologist bursts in with an apology about being behind this morning.
Penny introduces me to the doctor. He reaches for my hand and I try not to dwell on the fact that he basically goes around touching random vaginas all day.
I can't even believe that dumb
