“I…I knew that if we got together, I wouldn’t be able to keep any secrets. I’d have to be honest with you. About my family. About Bert. I wasn’t prepared to do that because I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”
Saying the words, I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. I can’t believe I let my fear keep me from her this whole time. I just hope it’s not too late to convince her to take a chance on me.
“Oh my god, Walker. I hate that you’ve been going around all these years, thinking that.” Her tender stare broadcasts how deeply she feels my pain. “How come you’re not scared anymore?” she questions softly.
“These babies, Penn, these babies. They make me brave. They give me courage. They’re probably each just the size of a bell pepper, but they give me the courage of a giant.”
She drops her head and sniffles. It rips me up that she’s shedding tears over me. “That’s the thing. I don’t want you looking at me and the babies as your responsibility. I want to be your partner. Your companion. Your ally. Your equal.”
“You’re already all those things and more.” I lift her chin to make her look at me. “You seem to think I see you as a burden. You’re so wrong. I see you as an asset, a treasure. Honey, you’re the goddamned prize. Because what is my life without you in it? Nothing. I’m nothing. You give me purpose.”
She nuzzles closer to me.
I wrap my arm tighter around her waist. “I don’t want to miss out anymore. I don’t want to miss out on holding you in my arms every night and telling you I love you before you fall asleep and waking up tangled with you every morning. And I don’t want to miss out on the babies. The explosive diapers or the middle of the night feeding sessions. Their first steps. I want to hear them cry and laugh and speak their first words. I want to be a part of it all. Don’t deprive me of that, P. What do I have to do to show you that I’m in this for the right reasons?”
I can see it in her face. She wants this from me as much as I want to give it to her. I just have to figure out how to get her to stop being so afraid.
“Look—you may not believe me right now. You may have your doubts. I respect that. So, I’m not asking you to throw yourself all in. Let’s just take it day by day.” I speak with a conviction, a power I’ve never felt before. “I just need you to let me prove myself. Let me prove that I’m never going away, that I’ll never leave you. Just agree to that, Penn. That’s all I’m asking.”
She pulls in a sharp breath. Her eyes press shut. The pause seems to draw on for an eternity.
Then she does it.
She says the words that instantly make me the happiest man who ever walked this earth. “Fuck it—I’m all in. I love you, too, Walker. I…I love you.”
I scoop her up into my arms and my mouth is on hers in a heartbeat. “I love you, Princess. So fucking much. I always have.” I drop kisses all over her face.
With her arms draped around my neck, she giggles in my embrace. She repeats those three special words again and again. It feels like my soul wants to tear out of my chest to go tangle with hers.
When her laughter dies down, she looks at me with sincere eyes. “Why is this so scary, though?” she whispers.
My words are coarse. The raw passion in my own voice makes me shake. “You love me. And I love you. I don’t care how fucking scared we are. This is not going to turn into one of those stories where the guy and the girl don’t get their happy ending. I won’t allow it. We fucking deserve this, Penn. We both do.” I cup her beautiful face in my palm.
She furrows her brows and speaks cautiously. “Maybe the fact that we’ve loved each other our whole lives isn’t enough. Maybe we need to ease into things so we don’t freak ourselves out. Sometimes people act in the craziest ways when the thing they’ve always wanted finally starts to unfold. They call it ’self-sabotage’, I think.”
“We don’t have to rush it,” I tell her. “We both have fucked up pasts. We’ve both been wounded and rejected and hurt by people who were supposed to care for us. Fine. I admit that. But I am not letting us sabotage our future.” She nods against my chest as I speak. “This is our shot. Let’s not blow it, Princess. Let’s just go for it.” I ease back to look into her face. “Because all I know is I can’t lose you. I know that if I lose you, I'd never be able to replace you and there'd be a Penny-shaped hole in my heart for the rest of my fucking life."
Her body sags against mine. She makes a squeaking sound. I think this is what swooning looks like.
She’s crying now. Full-on crying. “Oh god. My lashes are falling off.” She laughs and removes the fake eyelashes with a tug.
I cringe. ‘Cause that shit looks painful.
“I love you,” she whispers again. “I love you I love you I love you.” Her lips pucker against my chin. “It won’t always be easy but we can face anything. Together.”
I kiss her forehead. “Just know I’m committed to making it work between us. No matter what it takes.”
My mouth finds hers. I kiss her like it's the most important thing I’ve ever done. Like my life’s purpose consists solely of showing her how much she means to me. Dedicated and attentive and present. I empty my whole self into that kiss.
We touch and rub each other, hands roaming all over
